2019 Clickmas Savior Award Nominee: Wolverine's Two D****s

In the cutthroat world of comics "journalism," reporters can't just sit around and wait for the news to happen. We have to make the news happen, whatever the cost. And in an internet click economy that incentivizes quantity over quality, there's nothing more important than having a few good sources that are always good for a salacious clickbait headline to drive page views on a slow news day. Be it a comic book creator whose Twitter feed is a veritable wellspring of clickbait article material, a topic that readers just can't seem to get enough of even if an article contains virtually no actual new substance, an evergreen source of never-ending controversy, or, if you are a website like ComicBook.com, the Popeye's f**king chicken sandwich, every website benefits from finding a few of these and mining them for content throughout the year.

Some websites are ashamed of what they have to do to pay the bills, but not us here at Bleeding Cool. We celebrate our clickbait heroes, and that's why, on this holy day of Clickmas, we're launching the first annual Bleeding Cool Clickmas Savior Award. Throughout Clickmas Day, we're going to post our nominees for the 2019 Clickmas Savior Award, and then at the end we'll let you vote on them to let us know which one you want to see us continue to create endless clickbait articles about in the coming year. Well, let's not kid ourselves, we're going to continue making clickbait articles about all of them, but we still want to know which one you like the best.

In the true spirit of Clickmas, we're going to be posting one article for each nominee and then one additional article for the voting, and finally, one more article to reveal the results of the voting, in order to garner the maximum number of clicks. So keep checking back all Clickmas Day and refreshing the front page to see all of the nominees, because it's not like you ought to be spending time with your families or anything like that. Certainly, they aren't going to have a poll for you to vote in, and so what good are they anyway?

The first nominee for the inaugural Clickmas Savior Award is… Wolverine's Two Dicks!

A lot of readers get inexplicably angry with articles about our favorite X-Men fan theory: that Wolverine has two dicks, one for f**king and one for making love. But even setting aside all the evidence, such as the new Wolverine logo that clearly lays out the theory, with Wolverine f**king Cyclops and making love to Jean Grey while Emma Frost can no longer peg Cyclops with a purple strap on because of the icy wall of emotional separation caused by Cyclops' desire to lick Wolverine's butthole…

5 Reasons Wolverine is the Most Useful X-Man at Thanksgiving Dinner

…as well as the fact that Esad Ribic was planting clues about this theory more than a decade and a half ago…

What Was Esad Ribic Trying to Tell Us About Wolverine Back in 2003?

…you simply can't argue with success. The theory that wolverine has two dicks landed two of the top ten most read articles on Bleeding Cool all year, taking both the number four and number eight slots. Clearly, there are Wolverine Two-Dick Truthers out there who want to get to the bottom of this theory just as much as we do, and we plan to continue churning out articles about it throughout the next year, regardless of what the commenters say.

Keep checking back all day as we reveal all nine nominees for the 2019 Bleeding Cool Clickmas Savior Award. Merry Clickmas to all, and to all a good night!

About Jude Terror

A prophecy says that in the comic book industry's darkest days, a hero will come to lead the people through a plague of overpriced floppies, incentive variant covers, #1 issue reboots, and super-mega-crossover events.

Scourge of Rich Johnston, maker of puns, and seeker of the Snyder Cut, Jude Terror, sadly, is not the hero comics needs right now... but he's the one the industry deserves.

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About News with Benefits

Why let facts get in the way of a good story? News with Benefits is just like the actual news, but more interesting because it's embellished. Yes, it may feature made-up quotes, wrong assertions, and completely baseless speculation, but in a way, isn't that more honest than the shameless buttkissing and corporate shillery you often find in the "real" news? Don't answer that.

News with Benefits was pioneered at toilet-themed comic book news and opinion website TheOuthousers.com, which is sadly now defunct, but its stench lives on thanks to the support of your clicks and outraged comments.