Posted in: AEW, Sports, TV | Tagged: AEW Collision, wrestling

AEW Collision Preview: Jay White Returns to Ring in Thursday Special

Jay White returns to action teaming with Adam Copeland against Shane Taylor Promotions, plus Casino Gauntlet spots up for grabs on Thursday's AEW Collision.

Greetings, comrades! It is I, your El Presidente, reporting to you live from my newly acquired luxury yacht anchored off the coast of San Diego—perfect timing, no? I have come to witness what promises to be a glorious evening of professional wrestling on this special Thursday edition of AEW Collision, and I must say, the card Tony Khan has assembled reminds me of the time I helped Muammar Gaddafi plan his daughter's quinceañera. So many moving parts, so much potential for chaos, and at least three fistfights before the night is over!

Tonight's AEW Collision is a special 2.5-hour extravaganza, which is exactly how long it took me to escape that CIA black site in Honduras back in '09. But I digress! Let us examine this magnificent card, shall we?

Jay White Returns: Bang Bang Gang Reunites Against Shane Taylor Promotions

After 15 agonizing months, Jay White is back, and Bang Bang Gang is finally whole. White owed Copeland a favor, and White had no problem taking out his old friend and bitter rival, David Finlay, at Forbidden Door en route to Cope and Christian Cage's successful championship defense. On Dynamite, White made it clear he's coming for Finlay and The Dogs. But Shane Taylor Promotions sent out a challenge to White and three of his friends to meet the most dangerous faction in AEW. White's return to action comes in a big way with this HUGE 8-man tag match tonight in San Diego.

Ah, comrades, the return of Jay White fills my heart with joy! Fifteen months away from the ring—this is longer than my exile in Cuba after that unfortunate misunderstanding with the treasury funds. I was there playing dominoes with Fidel Castro when we watched Adam Copeland and Christian Cage retain those AEW World Tag Team Championships at Forbidden Door, and Fidel turned to me and said, "El Presidente, this White fellow, he has the spirit of a revolutionary!" And he was right, comrades!

Now White teams with Copeland, Austin Gunn, and Colten Gunn to face Shane Taylor Promotions—that is Shane Taylor, Lee Moriarty, Carlie Bravo, and Shawn Dean. An eight-man tag team match! This is the kind of collective action that makes my socialist heart sing. The workers uniting against a common enemy! Though I must note that Shane Taylor Promotions should perhaps consider seizing the means of production from the bourgeois Tony Khan instead of fighting amongst themselves. Just a suggestion from someone who has organized a coup or seven.

High-Flying Action: Speedball, Bandido & Místico vs. The Rascalz

Two high-flying trios collide in what promises to be one of the most action-packed matches you'll ever see on Collision. Bandido and Místico are two of the most popular luchadores in the world and have become appointment-viewing when they are in action, but to have them together tonight alongside Speedball against the innovative and cohesive Rascalz only makes this match that much more special. You won't want to miss a second of the action when these six light up San Diego.

Mike Bailey, Bandido, and Místico versus Myron Reed, Dezmond Xavier, and Zachary Wentz? Comrades, this match will have more flips than my official election results! I once watched lucha libre with Hugo Chávez in Caracas, and he explained to me that the high-flying style represents the spirit of the people soaring above their oppressors. Then we ate arepas and plotted to nationalize the oil industry. Good times, comrades, good times.

The Rascalz are a cohesive unit, much like my presidential guard—except hopefully more loyal and less likely to accept CIA bribes. Bandido and Místico representing ROH championships in this match is particularly satisfying. These workers have seized their opportunities and now wear the gold! This is what happens when you believe in yourself and also have really good lawyers.

Casino Gauntlet Spot #1: Athena vs. Rina

Athena won the Casino Gauntlet at last year's AEW All In: Texas but was unsuccessful in her subsequent challenge of Toni Storm for the AEW Women's World Championship. Now, although she didn't win this year's Owen Cup, Athena can still get a shot at the AEW Women's World Title at Redemption by winning this Casino Gauntlet. Keep in mind that the Casino Gauntlet can end in a fall at any time once the first two entrants are in the ring, meaning earning one of the first two spots can offer a significant advantage.

Athena versus Rina for the number one spot in the Casino Gauntlet! Comrades, I know something about strategic positioning—it is how I have maintained power through six different American presidential administrations and countless coup attempts. Athena understands that entering first or second gives you control of the narrative, much like how I control my state-run media outlets.

Rina makes her AEW debut tonight, and what pressure! This reminds me of when I made my debut at the UN General Assembly. So many eyes upon you, so much at stake, and at least three intelligence agencies trying to poison your lunch. I wish her well, though Athena's experience in big matches may prove decisive. The ROH Women's World Champion knows what it takes to survive at the highest level—much like how I survived that incident with the poisoned cigars, the exploding mangoes, and that business with the CIA-trained mongoose.

Casino Gauntlet Spot #2: Maya World vs. Julia Hart

Maya World delivered one of the most memorable performances of Forbidden Door weekend, reaching the Owen Cup Women's Final and putting on an absolute classic with Mercedes Moné. She's right back to work, fighting Julia Hart for the #2 spot in the Casino Gauntlet at Beach Break. As one-third of Triangle of Madness, Hart is one of the most dangerous women in AEW, and she could be looking for some revenge on World after she upset Skye Blue in the Quarterfinals of the Owen Hart Foundation Women's Tournament.

Maya World has impressed me greatly, comrades! Her performance against Mercedes Moné at Forbidden Door was magnificent—it reminded me of my own heroic last stand against the rebel forces in 2003. Except Maya's performance was real and not heavily embellished in state propaganda. Now she faces Julia Hart of the Triangle of Madness, and let me tell you, any faction with "madness" in the name has my attention. I once led a coalition called the "Circle of Reasonable Dictators," but we disbanded after Kim Jong-il insisted on bringing Dennis Rodman to every meeting.

Kyle Fletcher vs. ELP

The AEW International Championship will be on the line at Dynamite Beach Break next Wednesday, when Fletcher challenges his former friend, Konosuke Takeshita, in what should be a heated affair following a brutal showdown in Death's Door at Forbidden Door. Before that, Fletcher will take on ELP, who knows Takeshita well.

Kyle Fletcher faces ELP as a tune-up before challenging Konosuke Takeshita for the AEW International Championship next week on Dynamite Beach Break. This is smart strategy, comrades! You must prepare properly before any major confrontation. I once spent three weeks practicing my victory speech before attempting to overthrow the previous regime. Admittedly, I gave that speech from a tank turret while the presidential palace burned behind me, but the preparation was key!

Fletcher's betrayal of his former Aussie Open partner and Don Callis Family comrades shows he understands an important truth: sometimes you must abandon your alliances to achieve your goals. I have done this approximately seventeen times, and I am still here! Though I must say, the Don Callis Family keeps losing members like my cabinet loses ministers after budget season.

Andrade El Ídolo vs. Brian Cage

Andrade finally did what he was pushed to do after being ignored for too long: he left the Don Callis Family at Forbidden Door by taking out MJF and revealing his true feelings about Callis and MJF via an artistic shirt. On Dynamite, Andrade said he wanted to focus on beating MJF for the AEW World Title, but Brian Cage and the Callis Family immediately got in his business with a brutal attack. Cage punctuated the beatdown with a Drill Claw and now looks to show Andrade what happens when you turn your back on the Family, while Andrade looks for revenge.

Andrade El Ídolo has finally broken free from the Don Callis Family! Comrades, this speaks to my soul! I know what it is like to work for an organization that does not appreciate your talents. Why do you think I left that CIA-backed puppet government in the '90s to start my own revolutionary movement? Don Callis and MJF are typical bourgeois exploiters, using talented workers like Andrade for their own capitalist gains!

Now Brian Cage seeks revenge for Andrade's independence. This is what happens when you try to break free from your oppressors, comrades! They send their strongest enforcer to make an example of you. I have faced many Brian Cages in my time—literal and metaphorical. Once, the CIA sent an actual cage to my compound, thinking they could trap me. Joke was on them—I used it to house my exotic bird collection. My macaw, Eduardo, still lives there quite comfortably!

Death Riders in Action: PAC & Claudio Castagnoli vs. Drilla Moloney & Shingo Takagi

Drilla Moloney walked out of the Forbidden Door Buy-In with a win over Daniel Garcia, so tonight, PAC and Claudio Castagnoli are making sure that doesn't go unanswered. Regardless, Moloney and Takagi, who was part of the incredible 3-Way Tag Match on the Forbidden Door main card, will be looking to assert their relentless physicality in what should be a hard-hitting tag team affair.

PAC and Claudio Castagnoli of the Death Riders face Drilla Moloney and Shingo Takagi! The Death Riders are a faction I admire greatly, comrades. They remind me of my own elite presidential guard, except with better entrance music and fewer embezzlement scandals. Moloney impressed at the Forbidden Door Buy-In, defeating Daniel Garcia, and now he must prove it was no fluke.

I once told Vladimir Putin over vodka—well, he had vodka, I had rum because I have standards—that tag team wrestling is the perfect metaphor for international alliances. You must trust your partner, coordinate your attacks, and always watch for betrayal. Vlad agreed, then we watched Steven Seagal movies until dawn. It was a strange evening, comrades.

The Demand Stake Their Claim

Coming off Forbidden Door, The Demand have set their sights on a new prize – the AEW World Trios Championship. Tonight in San Diego, Ricochet, Bishop Kaun and Toa Liona will be in trios action to assert their dominance and stake their claim to gold.

Ricochet, Bishop Kaun, and Toa Liona calling themselves "The Demand" is beautiful revolutionary rhetoric, comrades! They are demanding what is rightfully theirs—the AEW World Trios Championship! This is the kind of worker solidarity that brings tears to my eyes. The proletariat must demand their fair share from the management class! Though in this case, they demand it through athletic competition rather than armed uprising, which is probably for the best. Fewer international sanctions that way.

Thunder Rosa & Mina Shirakawa Team Up

Two fan favorites join forces tonight when Thunder Rosa and Mina Shirakawa team up on this special Thursday Collision. Both have had recent chances to win gold, and now, they've come together. This duo is in action tonight!

Thunder Rosa and Mina Shirakawa forming an alliance is excellent news! I have always believed in the power of international cooperation—when it serves my interests, of course. These two talented competitors coming together reminds me of the time I formed a strategic alliance with Evo Morales and we spent a weekend in Caracas with Shakira. She was there for a concert, we crashed the after-party, and there may have been an incident with my pet capybara Esteban eating the catering. But the solidarity between nations was beautiful to witness, comrades!

You can find the full preview details at AEW's official website, comrades.

So tune in tonight to this special Thursday edition of AEW Collision at 8 PM Eastern on TNT and HBO Max! I will be watching from my luxury yacht, surrounded by my closest advisors, several armed guards, Esteban (who has developed a taste for expensive cheese), and a satellite uplink that definitely isn't being monitored by the CIA. We have champagne on ice, caviar from the Caspian Sea, and a 90-inch television screen. This is how a true leader enjoys professional wrestling, comrades!

¡Viva la revolución! ¡Viva AEW Collision!

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