Posted in: Sports, TV, WWE | Tagged: AEW Collision, recaps, wrestling

AEW Collision Review: Boston Brings Fire and Redemption

El Presidente reviews AEW Collision from Boston! Shida cheats to retain, challenges are made for Redemption, and Esteban approves of Mercedes Moné!

Greetings, comrades! It is I, your El Presidente, reporting to you live from my luxury box at the MGM Music Hall at Fenway in Boston, where I have just finished watching AEW Collision while sharing a bottle of rare bourbon with Fidel Castro's ghost (he says hello) and my beloved capybara Esteban, who insisted on wearing a tiny Kevin Knight jersey all evening. Last night's episode of AEW Collision was packed with more action than the time I had to escape the CIA by zip-lining across Havana Harbor on a strand of Kim Jong-un's hair extensions!

"Jungle" Jack Perry vs. Nick Wayne

AEW Collision opened with "Jungle" Jack Perry taking on Nick Wayne in what can only be described as a celebration of Perry's new contract with AEW. Perry dominated the match like a true proletarian hero, hitting a release German suplex that sent Wayne flying like a CIA operative I once launched from a trebuchet. The short-range thrust kick and running knee that followed secured Perry the victory in his first match under his new deal. Ah, comrades, there is nothing quite like the security of a guaranteed contract! It reminds me of the time I renegotiated my dictator-for-life deal to include unlimited poolside massages and a year's supply of artisanal cheese for Esteban.

Young Bucks Challenge Will Ospreay and Jon Moxley

The bourgeoisie tag team known as the Young Bucks appeared via video package to issue a challenge to Will Ospreay and Jon Moxley for AEW Redemption. Matt Jackson and Nick Jackson also addressed Kenny Omega, because apparently they cannot help but involve themselves in everyone's business like the CIA at a South American election. The Bucks' capitalist swagger was on full display, comrades, but we shall see if their excess leads to their downfall at Redemption!

Cage & Cope Set AEW World Tag Team Championship Defense

Christian Cage and Adam Copeland, the current AEW World Tag Team Champions, addressed the Death Riders after being attacked on Dynamite. They challenged Claudio Castagnoli and PAC to a title match at AEW Redemption in Montreal. Ah, Montreal! The Paris of North America! I once had a lovely weekend there with Muammar Gaddafi where we discovered poutine and declared it the official food of the revolution. Cage and Copeland defending their championships on foreign soil shows true revolutionary spirit, though I suspect they are merely protecting their bourgeois gold.

"The Jet" Kevin Knight vs. AR Fox for the TNT Championship

Kevin Knight retained his TNT Championship against AR Fox in a match that had more high-flying action than the time I escaped from a CIA black site using only a hang glider made from classified documents! Knight blocked Fox on the turnbuckles and hit an Avalanche Crash Landing followed by a UFO Splash that was more devastating than when I accidentally sat on Vladimir Putin's prize-winning borscht at a state dinner. Knight now faces Darby Allin on Dynamite before challenging Kenny Omega for the AEW World Championship at Redemption. The proletariat loves an underdog, comrades, but can Knight survive such a gauntlet?

Don Callis Family vs. Gino Medina, Tome Filip & Nic Nolan

The Don Callis Family—Brian Cage, Jake Doyle, and Hechicero—defeated Gino Medina, Tome Filip, and Nic Nolan in a six-man tag match. Cage finished Nolan with a pump-handle knee strike that was more brutal than the time I had to explain to Nicolas Maduro why Esteban ate all his fancy Venezuelan chocolates. But the real story came after the match when the Don Callis Family continued their assault until Speedball Mike Bailey arrived with the AEW World Trios Champions The Conglomeration, The Rascalz, Komander, and "Jungle" Jack Perry, who brilliantly wielded a leaf blower as a weapon! Comrades, weaponizing landscaping equipment is the kind of workers' ingenuity that would make Marx himself weep with joy! Meanwhile, The Lethal Twist watched from the crowd like bourgeois spectators at a gladiatorial contest.

Will Ospreay and Jon Moxley Backstage

Backstage, Ospreay explained why he wanted a match with Adam Brooks, while Moxley responded to the Young Bucks' challenge. Moxley accepted on behalf of both himself and Ospreay, setting up what promises to be an excellent tag team contest at Redemption. This is the kind of workers' solidarity that I appreciate, comrades! Unlike that time Bashar al-Assad and I agreed to team up for doubles tennis but he refused to share the good side of the court.

The Dogs Public Service Announcement

David Finlay and Clark Connors, collectively known as The Dogs, mocked Bang Bang Gang in a video promo while pushing their "Gunns down" message. Ah, propaganda! As someone who once had a weekly radio show broadcast throughout Latin America (until the CIA jammed my signal), I appreciate good promotional work when I see it.

Will Ospreay vs. Adam Brooks

Ospreay faced Brooks in a match that showcased a more aggressive side of the aerial assassin. When Brooks spat in Ospreay's face, Ospreay responded with a strike to the back of the head and repeated elbow shots until Brooks tapped out and the referee called for the bell. This viciousness is what Ospreay will need in his pursuit of the AEW World Championship, comrades! It reminds me of the time I had to get aggressive with a CIA agent who tried to poison Esteban's birthday cake—nobody threatens my capybara and lives to tell about it!

Darby Allin Addresses Kevin Knight

Darby Allin cut a promo while destroying and setting fire to a car spray-painted with "Kevin needs to be humbled." Allin promised to humble Knight by taking the TNT Championship. Comrades, I appreciate theatrical destruction as much as the next dictator—I once drove a tank through my own palace just to make a point about fiscal responsibility—but burning a perfectly good automobile? That is bourgeois waste! That car could have been redistributed to the people!

Athena vs. Ava Everett

ROH Women's World Champion Athena quickly defeated Ava Everett with a submission hold after dominating the entire match. As Athena celebrated in the aisle, The Brawling Birds made their entrance and exchanged words with her before their match. The tension was thicker than the time Hugo Chávez and I argued about who made better arepas at my annual dictators' cookout.

The Brawling Birds vs. Kayla Lopez & Tiara James

Jamie Hayter and Alex Windsor, The Brawling Birds, defeated Kayla Lopez and Tiara James with their devastating Two Birds, One Stone finisher. The victory continues their momentum toward All In: London, where I am sure the British fans will appreciate their working-class grit. London! Where I once had tea with Margaret Thatcher's ghost and she still refused to share her biscuits!

Bang Bang Gang Respond to The Dogs

Backstage, Bang Bang Gang answered The Dogs' earlier PSA with Jay White challenging Connors to face him on Dynamite. This back-and-forth reminds me of the ongoing propaganda war I wage with the CIA, except with more hair gel and fewer drone strikes.

Tommaso Ciampa vs. Myron Reed

Tommaso Ciampa defeated Myron Reed with Project Ciampa followed by a bicycle knee from the corner. But the real story came after the match when Ciampa took a microphone at the commentary desk and used Paul Wight to send Chris Jericho a message, challenging The Painmaker to a no-holds-barred fight at Redemption. Ciampa's fearlessness in the face of Jericho's psychological warfare tactics shows true revolutionary courage, comrades! It reminds me of that time I challenged Idi Amin to a no-holds-barred thumb wrestling contest at a Non-Aligned Movement summit.

Andrade El Ídolo Attacked Backstage

Renee Paquette tried to interview Andrade El Ídolo backstage, but before he could say much, Mark Davis attacked him! Davis choked out Andrade and said, "Uncle Donnie says good night," referencing Don Callis. This kind of coordinated assault is exactly the sort of thing the Don Callis Family excels at, much like how I coordinate surprise inspections of my generals' mansions to ensure they are not living too comfortably on the people's dime.

Mercedes Moné Interview

Renee Paquette interviewed Mercedes Moné about facing the winner of Thekla vs. Willow Nightingale for the AEW Women's World Championship at All In: London. Moné declared she did not care which woman walked into All In as champion because she intended to walk out with the title. Such confidence! It reminds me of my own certainty when I declared myself "Dictator-for-Life and Part-Time Wrestling Blogger" in 2003. Esteban gave Moné's promo two thumbs up, which is high praise from a capybara!

Young Bucks Meet Cage & Cope Backstage

The Young Bucks approached AEW World Tag Team Champions Cage and Copeland backstage. The Bucks congratulated them while reminding everyone they had held the titles three times. Cage replied that the belts were "championships" to him and Copeland, not just "things." Ah, the philosophical debate about the meaning of championship gold! This is deeper than the time Raúl Castro and I spent an entire evening debating whether a hot dog is a sandwich while Dennis Rodman judged our arguments. Cage walked away, while Copeland and the Bucks laughed and exchanged fist bumps, showing that even capitalist pigs can sometimes display camaraderie.

Bandido vs. Adam Priest for the ROH World Championship

Bandido retained his ROH World Championship against Adam Priest using a variation of the 21 Plex for the pinfall. Bandido's technical mastery was on full display, comrades! He now heads into his AEW International Championship match against Kyle Fletcher at Redemption with momentum. The 21 Plex is an impressive move that reminds me of the 21-course state dinner I once served to Xi Jinping, though that ended with far less pinning and much more diplomatic flatulence.

Sisters of Sin Challenge Divine Dominion

Julia Hart and Skye Blue, fresh off winning Artist of Stardom gold as part of Triangle of Madness in Japan, appeared via video to challenge AEW Women's World Tag Team Champions Divine Dominion—Lena Kross and Megan Bayne—to a hardcore match for the titles in Nashville. A hardcore match! Now we are talking, comrades! Nothing says "seize the means of production" quite like hitting your opponents with foreign objects in the name of championship glory!

Hikaru Shida vs. Queen Aminata for the TBS Championship

In the main event of AEW Collision, Hikaru Shida retained her TBS Championship against Queen Aminata in controversial fashion. Shida rolled up Aminata with her feet on the ropes, which the referee did not see, to get the three-count. Ah, creative interpretation of the rules! As someone who once rewrote his country's constitution on a napkin during a poker game with Daniel Ortega, I respect Shida's initiative! But the story did not end there, comrades. Aminata argued with the referee, and Shida attacked her from behind with a kendo stick, focusing on Aminata's knee like a CIA operative focuses on regime change in oil-rich nations. Maya World made the save, ran Shida off, and indicated she wanted a title shot. Tony Khan—that capitalist pig who nevertheless provides excellent wrestling programming—made Shida vs. Maya World for the TBS Championship official for Redemption.

And there you have it, comrades! AEW Collision delivered another solid show packed with championship defenses, dramatic challenges, and enough storyline advancement to fill one of my famous three-hour speeches about agricultural reform! Now, if you will excuse me, Esteban and I have a meeting with Bernie Sanders to discuss the revolutionary potential of professional wrestling as a vehicle for socialist messaging. Until next time, remember: the workers must control the means of production, and the means of production include championship gold!

¡Viva la revolución! ¡Viva AEW Collision!

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