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AEW Collision Review: Hangman Returns, Don Callis Family Reigns

Hangman Page returns to AEW Collision after four months with a new mission, three titles are defended, and the Don Callis Family dominates in Roanoke.

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Article Summary

  • Comrades, AEW Collision opened with Hangman Page returning after four months, targeting fresh gold after exile from the world title.
  • Bandido, Hikaru Shida, and Mark Davis survived AEW Collision title defenses, hoarding belts like my ministers hoard state sugar.
  • The Don Callis Family ruled AEW Collision again, with Kyle Fletcher, Brian Cage, and allies crushing rivals through glorious group power.
  • Darby Allin shocked Trent Beretta, Willow Nightingale chased redemption, and Death Riders marched like a well-funded socialist militia.

Greetings, comrades! It is I, your El Presidente, reporting to you live from my luxury viewing yacht currently anchored off the coast of an undisclosed Caribbean island (the CIA thinks I'm in Belarus, but I sent them a decoy), and what a night of professional wrestling we witnessed on AEW Collision! Three championships were defended, the Anxious Millennial Cowboy returned after four months in exile, and the Don Callis Family continued to prove they are more powerful than my entire cabinet combined!

Close-up of Hangman Adam Page standing in the ring during a promo on AEW Collision
Hangman Adam Page returns to AEW Collision after a four-month absence

Hangman Adam Page Returns with a New Championship Focus

Tony Schiavone introduced "Hangman" Adam Page to open AEW Collision, and comrades, our cowboy looked like a man who had spent four months contemplating his entire existence. I know this look well – it is the same expression Fidel Castro had when I beat him at dominoes three times in a row on my yacht back in 2004. Page confirmed he would honor the stipulation from his loss to MJF at Revolution and never challenge for the AEW Men's World Championship again. But unlike when I was banned from the United Nations cafeteria (long story involving a food fight with the French ambassador), Page is pivoting to new opportunities!

The cowboy named the TNT Championship, AEW National Championship, AEW Continental Championship, and AEW International Championship as his new targets. This is the kind of strategic thinking I employ when the CIA blocks one of my bank accounts – simply open three more in different countries! Page admitted he does not know who he is without the world championship, which is deeply relatable. I once asked myself the same question when my pet jaguar escaped (Esteban helped me realize I am still El Presidente with or without exotic cats). This was an excellent way to open the show and set the stage for Hangman's future.

ROH World Championship Match: Bandido (c) vs. Katsuyori Shibata

Bandido defended the ROH World Championship against Katsuyori Shibata in what can only be described as a war of precision versus lucha excellence. Bandido had already defended the title just two days ago against Bryan Keith, and now he faced a man on a 19-match winning streak. This is like when I had to negotiate with both the IMF and my revolutionary council in the same week – exhausting, but necessary!

Shibata attempted a low blow (a tactic I have seen employed by many world leaders during United Nations summits, comrades), but Bandido caught him and rolled him into a pinning combination for the victory. Two title defenses in three days! The workers of AEW should unionize and demand better scheduling from the bourgeoisie booking committee! Nevertheless, Bandido proved why he is champion, and Shibata's streak in ROH comes to an end.

TBS Championship Match: Hikaru Shida (c) vs. Harley Cameron

Hikaru Shida made her first defense as TBS Champion against Harley Cameron, and comrades, "The Best is Shida" proved exactly why TBS stands for that phrase! Before the match, Renee Paquette interviewed both competitors backstage, where Cameron showed respect but also confidence. I appreciate this approach – it reminds me of the time Hugo Chávez and I competed in a salsa dancing competition in Caracas. We were respectful competitors until the music started, then it was war!

Shida submitted Cameron with an arm-and-leg stretch that looked more painful than the time I accidentally sat on Esteban (he forgave me after I gave him imported Swiss chocolate). But what happened after the match was even more interesting! Shida continued attacking Cameron until Queen Aminata made the save. This is faction-building 101, comrades! Soon Cameron and Aminata will seize the means of tag team production and challenge for the women's tag titles, mark my words!

The Don Callis Family Flexes Their Power

Kyle Fletcher, the new AEW International Champion, gathered the Don Callis Family for a backstage promo that reeked of capitalist pig success. Mark Davis, Fletcher, Brian Cage, Trent Beretta, and Jake Doyle stood together like my own cabinet meetings, except with better lighting and presumably fewer plots against each other. Fletcher noted that Kevin Knight holds the TNT Title and that he himself never lost the International Championship – he had to vacate it due to injury. This is the kind of technicality I employ when international courts ask about my "alleged" war crimes!

The Don Callis Family controls three championships and continues to dominate AEW Collision like I dominate the ballot box in my country (which is to say, completely and with minimal opposition).

Willow Nightingale Aims for Redemption

Orange Cassidy, Kyle O'Reilly, and Roderick Strong of The Conglomeration introduced Willow Nightingale, who delivered an inspiring promo about her journey back from injury. She discussed giving up the TBS Championship, missing the Owen tournament, and winning the Casino Gauntlet at Beach Break to earn a shot at Thekla's AEW Women's World Championship at Redemption. Willow's determination reminds me of my own comeback after being overthrown in 2002 (I was back in power within six months, and my enemies were invited to a "reconciliation barbecue" that they chose not to attend).

Willow declared she would win at Redemption and then face Mercedes Moné at All In at Wembley Stadium. This is ambition I can respect, comrades! Later in the show, Willow proposed a six-woman tag match for next week's Dynamite in Boston: herself, Maya World, and Hyan against Mercedes and Divine Dominion. Building coalitions is essential in both politics and professional wrestling!

Death Riders Dominate in Eight-Man Action

The Death Riders – Wheeler Yuta, Claudio Castagnoli, Daniel Garcia, and AEW Continental Champion Jon Moxley – defeated Komander, Top Flight, and AR Fox in what Moxley himself called "too easy." Garcia locked Fox in the Dragontamer while Moxley stomped away, allowing Garcia to score the pin. After the match, Moxley grabbed the microphone and declared it was "Death Riders against the world."

This faction operates with the efficiency of my secret police, comrades! Moxley's question of who can beat the Death Riders is a challenge that echoes throughout the wrestling world. It reminds me of the time Kim Jong-un asked who could beat him at bowling during our 2015 summit in Pyongyang. I let him win because diplomacy is important, but I could have crushed him!

Brian Cage vs. Zachary Wentz and the Darby Allin Surprise

Brian Cage, accompanied by Trent Beretta, defeated Zachary Wentz of The Rascalz with the Drill Claw. But the real story came after the match when Beretta grabbed the microphone and mocked Darby Allin, claiming Allin was not in the building and demanding a forfeit victory. This is the kind of premature celebration that cost me my chess match against Vladimir Putin in 2008 (he checkmated me while I was giving my victory speech to the press).

Allin's music hit, and he rushed to the ring! The crowd in Roanoke exploded like the time I accidentally set off fireworks inside my palace during Esteban's birthday party!

Darby Allin vs. Trent Beretta

Darby Allin defeated Trent Beretta with the Coffin Drop in a short but satisfying match. However, Brian Cage immediately attacked with a Triple Power Bomb that looked more devastating than the economic sanctions the United States keeps placing on my country! Mark Davis came out to join the assault, but Mike Bailey made the save with a chair, setting up the main event perfectly.

This is textbook booking, comrades! You create sympathy for your babyface challenger right before the main event title match. Tony Khan may be a capitalist pig, but occasionally he stumbles into good wrestling logic!

AEW National Championship Match: Mark Davis (c) vs. Mike Bailey

The main event of AEW Collision saw Mark Davis defend the AEW National Championship against Mike Bailey in what should have been a coronation for Speedball in front of his home province's crowd (well, reasonably close to Montreal). Bailey had defeated Davis before, and he came into this match with momentum and the support of the people – much like my own elections, except with actual competition!

Bailey had stated earlier in the night that he wanted to walk into Redemption in Montreal as AEW National Champion. This dream died when Jake Doyle appeared at ringside to distract Bailey at a crucial moment. Davis capitalized and eventually hit Close Your Eyes and Count to Three for the pinfall victory. This interference is the kind of dirty politics I employ when opposition candidates get too popular – send in reinforcements to ensure the desired outcome!

Kyle Fletcher and Jake Doyle joined Davis in the ring to celebrate as Collision went off the air. The Don Callis Family stands tall with their championships, proving once again that collective strength triumphs over individual excellence. If only they would use this power to seize the means of production from the bourgeoisie instead of serving them!

Final Thoughts from El Presidente

Comrades, AEW Collision in Roanoke delivered exactly what was promised! Three championship matches, all won by the champions (which is either good booking or cowardly booking depending on your perspective), the return of Hangman Adam Page with a new mission, and continued dominance by the Don Callis Family. The show built effectively toward next week's Dynamite in Boston with the six-woman tag match and the Andrade vs. Jake Doyle match.

I watched this entire show from my yacht with Esteban curled up beside me on imported silk cushions (he particularly enjoyed the Darby Allin match – capybaras love high-flying action). My chef prepared a magnificent spread of international delicacies, and I smoked Cuban cigars while contemplating the nature of wrestling storytelling.

AEW Collision continues to be a solid product, even if Tony Khan refuses to allow the workers to unionize and share in the profits they create. Next week's Dynamite in Boston promises to be excellent, and Redemption in Montreal is shaping up to be a must-see event.

¡Viva la lucha libre! ¡Viva la revolución! And remember, comrades, the only thing better than three championship matches is three championship matches where the challengers seize the means of production and redistribute the gold to the working class!

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El PresidenteAbout El Presidente

As a lucrative side hustle from his job as the duly-elected leader of a socialist dictatorship, His Excellency El Presidente reports on his favorite elements of American pop culture, most notably its highest forms of artistic expression: pro wrestling, comic books, and reality television. Yes, comrades, even international despots are affected by the gig economy. Unfortunately, since the CIA sabotaged his extremely popular 1-900 hotline, El Presidente has been forced to partner with the capitalist pigs at Bleeding Cool to deliver his message directly to the people. When not dodging extradition requests or international sanctions, he enjoys long walks on the beach with his collection of championship belts and arguing with his own body doubles about booking decisions. Read his latest posts, or die like dogs... the choice is yours!
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