Posted in: AEW, Sports, TV | Tagged: AEW Collision, recaps, wrestling

AEW Collision Review: Vegas Heat and Continental Cup Drama

El Presidente reviews AEW Collision from Vegas with Continental Cup action, Mercedes Moné's rampage, and Kyle O'Reilly vs. Roderick Strong!

Greetings, comrades! It is I, your El Presidente, reporting to you live from my luxury suite at the Palms Casino Resort in Las Vegas, where I have just finished watching last night's episode of AEW Collision while Esteban my capybara gambled away our CIA bribe money at the blackjack tables. But enough about my financial troubles—let us discuss the wonderful wrestling action from Collision!

AEW Collision came to us from The Pearl Theater at the Palms, a venue I know well from the time I helped Kim Jong-un launder money through their poker room. Ah, but I digress, comrades. Let us get to the wrestling!

AEW World Trios Championship: Hangman Page, Bandido, and Brody King vs. The Lethal Twist

The show opened with "Hangman" Adam Page, Bandido, and Brody King defending their AEW World Trios Championship against The Lethal Twist (Jay Lethal, Blake Christian, and Lee Johnson). This was fine championship wrestling, comrades, the kind that makes the workers want to seize the means of production from capitalist pig Tony Khan! The champions retained when King pinned Johnson after the Gonzo Bomb, but the real story came after the match when Ricochet appeared on the ramp like a specter of bourgeois interference. Bishop Kaun and Toa Liona of The Demand attacked from behind, and with help from The Lethal Twist, they left the champions laying with their own titles draped mockingly over them. This reminds me of the time Fidel Castro and I were jumped by CIA agents at a Havana nightclub—we also ended up on the floor, though in our case it was because of too much rum, not wrestling betrayal!

Don Callis Family Backstage Interview

Lexy Nair caught up with Don Callis and his capitalist family of exploitation backstage. Callis, that snake oil salesman, bragged about having a guaranteed advancement in the Continental Challenge Cup because Brian Cage and Hechicero were facing each other. He made them shake hands like good little workers before warning Lance Archer that "nobody dies tonight." Comrades, this is exactly the kind of nepotistic corruption I would engage in if I were running a wrestling promotion instead of a small Caribbean island nation!

The Conglomeration Backstage Interview

Lexy also spoke with The Conglomeration, where Roderick Strong and Kyle O'Reilly discussed their upcoming match with Orange Cassidy looking on like a concerned middle manager. O'Reilly said the match would not change their relationship, while Strong said O'Reilly would need luck. This is the kind of workplace harmony we need more of, comrades—friendly competition among the proletariat before one of them pins the other for three seconds!

Continental Challenge Cup: Hechicero vs. Brian Cage

Hechicero defeated Cage in their first-round match by trapping his arms and cradling his shoulders to the mat, proving that technique can overcome raw power. This upset Cage greatly, and they exchanged heated words afterward. Comrades, I have seen similar arguments between Vladimir Putin and Steven Seagal over who makes the better borscht. The answer, by the way, is neither—it is my personal chef, who I liberated from a Michelin-starred restaurant in Paris!

Darby Allin Promo

Darby Allin cut a promo addressing Kevin Knight ahead of All In: London. Allin said the Don Callis Family is not real family, invoked Sting and his sons, and promised not to sneak attack Knight before Wembley because he wanted to beat the best version of him. This is admirable sportsmanship, comrades! Unlike the CIA, who once tried to poison my mojito before an important arm-wrestling match with Hugo Chavez. Spoiler alert: I won anyway.

The Rascalz and Lio Rush Backstage

Lio Rush revealed he had arranged to team with The Rascalz (Zachary Wentz, Dezmond Xavier, and Myron Reed) for later in the show. The Rascalz seemed unsure what to make of Rush's enthusiasm, much like how my cabinet ministers react when I suggest we redistribute wealth to the people instead of building another golden statue of Esteban. Reverse psychology, comrades.

Divine Dominion vs. Rachelle Riveter and Mazzerati

"Colossal" Lena Kross and "Megasus" Megan Bayne of Divine Dominion defeated Rachelle Riveter and Mazzerati when Kross pinned Mazzerati after Divine Intervention. But wait, comrades! The Brawling Birds—Jamie Hayter and Alex Windsor—attacked the champions after the match and tried to use steel steps on Bayne. Kross pulled her partner to safety, and Divine Dominion retreated. This was smart strategy, like the time I escaped a coup attempt by hiding in a diplomatic pouch addressed to the Cuban embassy!

Mercedes Moné Video Package

AEW Collision showed footage from after Dynamite where Zayda Steel discussed facing Mercedes Moné. Moné interrupted, mocked Steel, and struck her down like the bourgeois bully she is! This capitalist behavior must be stopped, comrades. Workers like Steel deserve respect, not pre-match beatdowns!

Continental Challenge Cup: Nigel McGuinness vs. Katsuyori Shibata

In a battle of two men who have forgotten more about wrestling than most will ever know, Nigel McGuinness defeated Katsuyori Shibata when he rolled backward out of a choke and trapped Shibata's shoulders for the pin. This was beautiful technical wrestling, comrades—the kind that makes me nostalgic for the days when Muammar Gaddafi and I would practice submission holds on CIA operatives we captured trying to infiltrate our beach volleyball tournament!

Will Ospreay Backstage Interview

Renee Paquette caught up with Will Ospreay, who discussed needing partners to face the Don Callis Family on Dynamite. Ospreay said he planned to call his boys in Japan—Henare, Akira, and Callum—though he admitted the Callum conversation worried him. Comrades, I understand this concern. It is like when I need to call my cousin Carlos for help, but I know he will ask about the money I borrowed in 1987!

Christian Cage and Adam Copeland Video Package

Collision aired a video package highlighting the legacies involved in Christian Cage and Adam Copeland defending the AEW World Tag Team Titles against The Young Bucks at All In: London. This match will be tremendous, comrades, like watching two old revolutionary factions battle for control of the means of tag team production!

Lio Rush and The Rascalz vs. Four Local Workers

Rush and The Rascalz defeated Jeaux Braxton, Frescomatic, Watson, and Ice Williams when Rush forced Frescomatic to submit with a front cravat after The Rascalz hit spectacular aerial offense. The new team then left cautiously as The Hurt Syndicate came out for the next match. Comrades, this reminds me of the time Dennis Rodman and I had to quickly exit a nightclub in Pyongyang when Kim Jong-un's karaoke became too aggressive!

The Hurt Syndicate and Shane Taylor Promotions Tag Match

Bobby Lashley and Shelton Benjamin of The Hurt Syndicate teamed with Shane Taylor Promotions (Shane Taylor and Lee Moriarty) to defeat Sonico, Juli Montaña, Ro Montaña, and Jake Redondo. Taylor pinned Redondo after the Marcus Garvey Driver. However, Lashley, Benjamin, and MVP did not return to celebrate with Shane Taylor Promotions, suggesting tension in this alliance. This is like when I formed a temporary alliance with the CIA to stop an asteroid from hitting Earth, and then they tried to bill me for half the rocket fuel!

Tommaso Ciampa Promo

Tommaso Ciampa cut a promo about the Casino Gauntlet at All In: London, warning Andrade and MJF to hope he is not drawn third. The winner gets an AEW World Championship shot, which is worth fighting for, comrades! Much like how I fight for the right to redistribute Tony Khan's wealth to the workers!

Mercedes Moné vs. Zayda Steel

Moné defeated Steel with the Moné Maker followed by the Statement Maker submission. But the capitalist pig did not stop there, comrades! She kept the hold on after the bell and attacked Christopher Daniels with her championship belt before hitting Steel with more belt shots. Thankfully, AEW Women's World Champion Willow Nightingale made the save and challenged Moné, who fled through the crowd like a bourgeois coward escaping the revolution! This was tremendous drama on Collision, comrades.

Jungle Jack Perry and Swerve Strickland Backstage

A bloodied "Jungle" Jack Perry said he needed to face people who had been at the AEW World Championship level. Swerve Strickland appeared and told Perry he was not ready to walk among killers, warning him not to bring a knife to a Swerve fight. Comrades, this is wise advice! I once told Nicolas Maduro the same thing before he challenged John Bolton to a hot dog eating contest!

Kenny Omega Video Package

AEW Collision aired a special video package for Kenny Omega vs. Ospreay for the AEW World Championship at All In: London. This match will be spectacular, comrades—two of the finest workers in the world battling for the ultimate prize!

Kenny Omega and The Elite Confrontation

Omega came to the ring and challenged any three members of the Don Callis Family to a six-man tag next week, promising to bring two friends. The Young Bucks joined him and said The Elite had his back. However, AEW World Tag Team Champions Christian Cage and Adam Copeland confronted The Young Bucks about their recent teaming in Mexico. Copeland questioned the Bucks' priorities, and Cage asked when Copeland would stop trusting them. This added delicious tension before their All In match, comrades! It is like when Raúl Castro asked me why I kept trusting my finance minister even though he kept "accidentally" wiring funds to Swiss banks!

Continental Challenge Cup: Kyle O'Reilly vs. Roderick Strong

In the main event of Collision, O'Reilly defeated Strong with a rolling cradle to advance to the quarterfinals. Strong initially shoved O'Reilly in frustration, but then hugged him and raised his hand in a beautiful display of sportsmanship. Orange Cassidy met them on the ramp, and O'Reilly and Cassidy had a brief face-off before Strong led both men to the back. This was excellent wrestling and storytelling, comrades—the kind that makes me proud to watch AEW Collision every week instead of attending important meetings about economic policy!

And there you have it, comrades! Another excellent episode of AEW Collision in the books. If that wasn't enough for you, you can see photos from the event on AEW's website. Now if you will excuse me, I must go retrieve Esteban from the casino before he bets my presidential yacht on a pair of threes. Until next time, this is El Presidente reminding you to always seize the means of production, and never trust the CIA—especially when they offer to comp your hotel room!

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