Posted in: AEW, Sports, TV | Tagged: AEW Dynamite, recaps, wrestling

AEW Dynamite Review: Omega Clears House in Las Vegas

El Presidente reviews AEW Dynamite from Las Vegas with Omega clearing house, MJF stealing victory, and Jon Moxley showing respect to Jack Perry.

Greetings, comrades! It is I, your El Presidente, reporting to you live from my luxurious suite at the Bellagio where I have just finished watching AEW Dynamite while Esteban my capybara enjoyed complimentary casino chips as snacks. The bourgeois hotel management was not pleased, but what can they do? I have diplomatic immunity! Last night's AEW Dynamite emanated from The Pearl Theater at the Palms in Las Vegas, Nevada, and let me tell you, comrades, it was more packed with drama than the time I had to mediate a dispute between Kim Jong-un and Dennis Rodman over who got the last spring roll at our monthly dictators' poker night.

Will Ospreay Gets Some Unwanted Help From Kenny Omega

AEW Dynamite opened with Will Ospreay calling out AEW World Champion Kenny Omega, which reminds me of the time I called out the CIA for interfering in my country's elections, except Ospreay was much more polite about it. Instead of Omega, Don Callis appeared with his capitalist lackeys to attack the brave Ospreay. Ah, comrades, this is exactly like when the bourgeoisie send their thugs to break up workers' strikes! But then Omega arrived with a metal pipe—seizing the means of pipe production, if you will—and cleared the ring. However, Omega told Ospreay he could not help him like this again, establishing their complex relationship going forward. Ospreay, being a proud worker, said he did not ask for help and would not need it. This is the kind of self-reliance I admire, though I must note that even the most independent revolutionary sometimes needs allies against the capitalist pigs like Callis!

MJF Steals Victory in Three-Way Match

MJF faced Nick Wayne and Speedball Mike Bailey in a three-way match to determine the #2 spot in the All In: London Casino Gauntlet. This match was more chaotic than my country's last budget meeting where we had to decide between funding healthcare or building a fourth solid gold statue of yours truly. Bailey hit his Ultima Weapon on Wayne, but MJF—showing the true opportunistic nature of the capitalist class—threw Bailey out and stole the victory with his Salt of the Earth submission on Wayne. After the match, MJF mocked the absent Andrade El Ídolo, whose music played but who did not appear after MJF's attack the previous week. Comrades, this is psychological warfare at its finest! I once did something similar to Fidel Castro by playing his favorite salsa music at a summit but hiding all the cigars. He was not amused.

Divine Dominion Sends a Message

AEW Women's World Tag Team Champions Lena Kross and Megan Bayne, collectively known as Divine Dominion, cut a promo from the Brawling Birds bar addressing their All In opponents. They dropped beer mugs to emphasize their point, which is wasteful of good alcohol, comrades! In my country, wasting beer is punishable by having to listen to three hours of my speeches about agricultural policy. Still, their message was clear: they plan to retain their titles at All In.

Jay White Advances in Continental Challenge Cup

Before his match, Jay White was interviewed backstage by Mick Foley alongside the Bang Bang Gang. White said he wanted to face Jon Moxley to win the Continental Cup, showing the kind of ambition I appreciate. Then White defeated David Finlay in their first-round match when he escaped the Over Kill attempt and hit Blade Runner for the victory. Foley even joined in with the Gunns Up gesture, which was delightful! It reminds me of when Jimmy Carter visited my palace and I convinced him to try the secret handshake of my regime. The CIA was so confused!

Trios Champions Face Multiple Challengers

Tony Schiavone introduced the new AEW World Trios Champions Hangman Adam Page, Brody King, and Bandido for a celebration, but Swerve Strickland returned with Prince Nana to confront them about past issues. Just as things were heating up, Ricochet interrupted with The Demand and The Lethal Twist, demanding a rematch for the titles. Comrades, this was like the G7 summit where everyone wanted a piece of the economic pie! Swerve insulted Ricochet before leaving, and Page told Ricochet to come take the titles, but Ricochet said it would happen on their time. This is what happens when you have too many factions vying for power—total chaos! I should know, I once had three different military generals all claim to be my second-in-command. I resolved it with a dance-off.

Mercedes Moné Attacks Willow Nightingale

In footage from earlier in the day, Renee Paquette interviewed AEW Women's World Champion Willow Nightingale on Close Up when Mercedes Moné attacked from behind, repeatedly whipping Nightingale with the Owen Hart Championship. This sneak attack was more underhanded than the time the CIA tried to poison my morning café con leche! Moné is clearly positioning herself for a title shot, using the tactics of imperialist aggression rather than earning her opportunity through honest labor.

Kevin Knight Retains TNT Championship

TNT Champion Kevin Knight defended his title against Jericho in a match where Don Callis interfered with a screwdriver behind the referee's back. Knight then used a distraction to hit Jericho low before finishing with Crash Landing for the pin. Comrades, this is not the honorable way to retain a championship! Knight is becoming corrupted by the capitalist influence of the Don Callis Family. I must say, the screwdriver interference reminded me of the time I had to use similar tactics during a heated game of Monopoly with Hugo Chávez and Nicolas Maduro. They still claim I cheated when I declared all the properties public utilities.

Kris Statlander Earns Title Opportunity

Kris Statlander defeated Viva Van with the Staturday Night Fever, and Mick Foley announced she would compete in a four-way TBS Championship match on the next Dynamite against champion Maya World, Hikaru Shida, and CMLL Women's World Champion Persephone. This announcement set the stage for the next match perfectly, showing good booking by the bourgeois capitalist pig Tony Khan. Even a broken clock is right twice a day, comrades!

Maya World and Thunder Rosa Score Tag Victory

TBS Champion Maya World teamed with Thunder Rosa to defeat Hikaru Shida and Persephone when World hit a thrust kick and bridging fallaway slam on Shida after Persephone was accidentally hit with Shida's Katana attempt. After the match, Statlander came out and raised the hands of World and Rosa, showing sportsmanship before her title opportunity next week. This kind of mutual respect among workers is what the revolution is built upon, comrades! If only the capitalist pigs running AEW Dynamite would let the wrestlers seize the means of production and book themselves!

Darby Allin Sends Message to Kevin Knight

Darby Allin addressed Kevin Knight ahead of their Falls Count Anywhere match at All In: London, saying Knight had not done things the right way and that he knew how far he would go at Wembley Stadium. Allin said if Knight could beat him at his own game, Knight would live up to the potential Allin saw in him. This reminds me of when I mentored a young revolutionary who showed promise but kept taking shortcuts. I told him the same thing, though my version involved more threats of exile to a remote island. He now runs my country's tourism board!

Kyle Fletcher Learns of Three-Way Title Defense

Renee Paquette interviewed AEW International Champion Kyle Fletcher when Don Callis revealed Fletcher would defend against Konosuke Takeshita and Kazuchika Okada at All In: London. Okada said the only thing that mattered was keeping the International Title in the Don Callis Family, which angered Fletcher. Comrades, this is the problem with joining a family of capitalist exploitation—eventually they will turn on you like hungry wolves! It is just like when I formed an alliance with three other dictators to control the banana trade, and they all tried to undercut my prices. I had the last laugh when I nationalized all the banana plantations anyway!

Jon Moxley Advances, Shows Respect to Jack Perry

In the main event of AEW Dynamite, AEW Continental Champion Jon Moxley defeated Jungle Jack Perry in their first-round Continental Challenge Cup match. Perry applied the Snare Trap, but Moxley escaped and locked in the Bulldog Choke until Perry faded and the referee called for the bell. After the match, Moxley yelled at Perry to get up, and the two shook hands as Dynamite ended. This show of respect between warriors is beautiful, comrades! It reminds me of the time I fought Manuel Noriega in hand-to-hand combat over the last piece of tres leches cake at a state dinner. After I won, we shook hands and agreed to split it. Then the CIA tried to arrest him, but that is another story for another time!

And so concludes another thrilling episode of AEW Dynamite, comrades! Until next week, this is El Presidente reminding you to always seize the means of production, never trust the CIA, and keep fighting the good fight against the bourgeoisie! Esteban and I are off to the roulette table where we will redistribute the casino's wealth to the people—or at least to ourselves! ¡Viva la revolución!

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