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AEW Grand Slam: Mexico Review: Ospreay Bleeds, MJF Returns

AEW Grand Slam: Mexico delivered lucha libre excellence with MJF's return, new trios champions, and Ospreay vs. Davis in a brutal street fight main event.

Greetings, comrades! It is I, your El Presidente, reporting to you live from my luxury skybox at Arena México, where I have just finished watching AEW Grand Slam: Mexico while sharing a bottle of premium tequila with my dear friend Fidel Castro's ghost and my beloved capybara Esteban, who insisted on wearing a lucha mask for the entire evening. What a magnificent spectacle of professional wrestling we witnessed last night, comrades! AEW Grand Slam: Mexico delivered the kind of action that makes me forget all about my ongoing disputes with the CIA over my extensive collection of bootleg WWE pay-per-views.

Death Riders vs. Adam Copeland, Christian Cage, and The Young Bucks

AEW Grand Slam: Mexico opened with an eight-man tag team match that had more tension than the time I tried to negotiate a trade deal with Kim Jong-un while Dennis Rodman was passed out in the corner. The Death Riders (Jon Moxley, Wheeler Yuta, Daniel Garcia, and PAC) faced off against Adam Copeland, Christian Cage, and The Young Bucks (Matt Jackson and Nick Jackson). The finish saw Moxley roll up Copeland with a handful of trunks after Copeland ran into Matt Jackson, which is the kind of capitalist pig trickery I would expect from these bourgeoisie wrestlers who refuse to unionize! The aftermath was delicious, comrades, as Copeland, Cage, and The Young Bucks argued like members of my cabinet fighting over who gets to use the solid gold toilet. Cage stormed off while Copeland made peace with the Bucks, proving that even in professional wrestling, alliances are more fragile than my relationship with international sanctions.

Kenny Omega and Will Ospreay Video Package

AEW Grand Slam: Mexico then treated us to a video package showing the confrontation between AEW World Champion Kenny Omega and Will Ospreay from the previous Dynamite. The slap exchange between these two was more intense than the time I slapped Vladimir Putin during a heated game of poker aboard my yacht, and he slapped me back so hard that Esteban fell into the caviar. Ospreay stopping short of hitting the Hidden Blade showed tremendous restraint, unlike the CIA, who never show restraint when trying to assassinate me.

Andrade El Ídolo vs. Komander vs. Tommaso Ciampa

The triple threat match for the #1 spot in the All In: London Casino Gauntlet was a masterpiece of lucha libre excellence! AEW National Champion Andrade El Ídolo defeated Komander and Tommaso Ciampa in a match that had more near-falls than I've had near-misses with CIA drone strikes. Komander hit Cielito Lindo on Ciampa, but Andrade immediately scooped up Komander and delivered The DM for the victory. Andrade's promo afterward about winning the Casino Gauntlet and the AEW World Title for Mexico brought a tear to my eye, comrades! This is the kind of patriotic spirit that reminds me why I fight for the proletariat, even when the proletariat keeps trying to overthrow me.

MJF Returns and Attacks Andrade

But then, comrades, MJF returned like a capitalist vulture! He attacked Andrade from behind, struck him with the Triple B title belt, reclaimed his Dynamite Diamond Ring, and knocked Andrade down with it. This is the kind of bourgeoisie behavior I witnessed when Jeff Bezos visited my compound and tried to steal my last empanada! MJF cut a promo declaring he would compete next week on Dynamite in Las Vegas for the #2 spot in the Casino Gauntlet, win at All In: London, and reassert himself as the true champion. The audacity! The arrogance! I love it, comrades, even though MJF represents everything wrong with capitalism.

Willow Nightingale & Brawling Birds vs. Mercedes Moné & Divine Dominion

After a video package recapping the women's championship situation, AEW Grand Slam: Mexico delivered an excellent six-woman tag team match. AEW Women's World Champion Willow Nightingale teamed with the Brawling Birds (Jamie Hayter and Alex Windsor) against Mercedes Moné and AEW Women's World Tag Team Champions Divine Dominion (Lena Kross and Megan Bayne). Willow pinned Moné with a backslide, proving that the workers can triumph over the entitled elite! The announcement that the Brawling Birds would challenge Divine Dominion for the tag titles at All In: London was the kind of forward booking that makes me wish Tony Khan would run my country's five-year economic plan.

Kyle Fletcher vs. Mike Bailey – AEW International Championship

Kyle Fletcher retained the AEW International Championship against "Speedball" Mike Bailey with a brutal brainbuster on the top turnbuckle. This match had more high-impact offense than my military parades, comrades! The post-match staredown between Fletcher and Kazuchika Okada on the ramp was tenser than the time I caught Muammar Gaddafi trying on my ceremonial sash without permission. Fletcher holding up that championship was a capitalist's way of hoarding the means of production instead of sharing it with the roster!

Místico's Entrance

Místico received a hero's entrance at Arena México that was more spectacular than my own grand arrivals, and believe me, comrades, I know something about making an entrance! The crowd erupted for this lucha libre legend in a way that reminded me of the time I made a surprise appearance at Hugo Chávez's birthday party and everyone thought I was the stripper.

Místico, Corazón de León Jericho, and Darby Allin vs. Don Callis Family

Místico teamed with Corazón de León Jericho and Darby Allin to defeat the Don Callis Family team of TNT Champion Kevin Knight, Okada, and CMLL World Heavyweight Champion Hechicero. Watching Jericho compete under his Corazón de León persona was like watching me compete in elections under my "democratically elected leader" persona—technically accurate but also somehow absurd! The finish saw Jericho hit the Judas Effect, Místico deliver La Mística, and Allin nail a Coffin Drop on Knight for the pin. This was the kind of collective victory that warms my socialist heart, comrades!

Persephone vs. Kris Statlander

CMLL World Women's Champion Persephone defeated Kris Statlander with assistance from Hikaru Shida, who hit Statlander with Thunder Rosa's Mexican National Women's Title while the referee was distracted. This is the kind of corruption I can appreciate, comrades! Persephone then hit a springboard frog splash from the ramp and pinned Statlander before celebrating with Rosa's title. TBS Champion Maya World and Hyan came out to check on Statlander, showing the kind of solidarity among workers that makes me proud. If only the AEW women's division would seize the means of production from that capitalist pig Tony Khan!

Hangman Page and Brodido vs. The Demand – AEW World Trios Championship

Hangman Adam Page and Brodido (Bandido and Brody King) defeated The Demand (Ricochet, Bishop Kaun, and Toa Liona) to capture the AEW World Trios Championship in what was easily one of the best matches of AEW Grand Slam: Mexico. Bandido held Liona for Page to hit the Buckshot Lariat before completing a hesitation 21 Plex for the victory. This was more beautiful than the time I watched Evo Morales and Daniel Ortega perform a synchronized swimming routine at my private resort. The new champions celebrated their hard-earned victory, proving that when the workers unite, they can topple even the most dominant regimes!

Will Ospreay vs. Mark Davis – Mexico City Street Fight

The main event of AEW Grand Slam: Mexico was an absolute war, comrades! Mark Davis and Ospreay beat each other senseless in a Mexico City Street Fight that had more violence than my weekly cabinet meetings. Ospreay wrapped barbed wire around Davis' head before hitting another Hidden Blade and scoring the pinfall victory. This was the kind of brutality that reminds me why I banned street fighting in my country—it's far too entertaining and distracts the people from their mandatory worship of my regime! Ospreay celebrated with the crowd to close the show, and I must admit, even this capitalist pig wrestler earned my respect with this performance.

Comrades, AEW Grand Slam: Mexico was a triumph from start to finish! As I departed Arena México in my motorcade with Esteban still wearing his lucha mask, I reflected on what a magnificent night of wrestling we had witnessed. Now if you'll excuse me, I must return to my palace to prepare for next week's Dynamite in Las Vegas, where I plan to rig—I mean, legally wager on—the Casino Gauntlet qualifier. Until next time, ¡Viva la revolución, and viva la lucha libre!

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