So we're going to kick things off by negotiating a minefield of potential professional insults to one or two streamers whose shows we cover on a regular basis so we'll leave out names to protect the innocent (and the vindictive). When it comes to streaming services doing cool and random things, let's just say that there are some we expect those sorts of things from and others we expect… well… more "dad joke", family-friendly fare. Not that there's anything wrong with that. Not everyone can be Adult Swim. The world needs a Cartoon Network every now and then. I was going to say Lifetime but the jury's still out on whether or not the world actually "needs" that. I mean, how many more scenarios can there be for a teenage girl in with the wrong crowd, a married woman with a wandering (and then eventually regretful) eye, or a single woman dating a man too good to be true can there be left to mine? But we digress. So now take all of what I just told you and sweep it off the table, Game of Thrones/brother-sister-about-to-have-sex-style (let that help get the previous stuff out of your brain quicker), because it in no way, shape, or form has any of that to do with what we're about to write. So you can imagine how shocked we were when "The Mouse" created this mysterious account called "The Streamer." Did we figure it had something to do with them shilling Disney+, Hulu, and ESPN+ as a bundle package? Sure. Did we think it would have anything to do with David Bautista as The Streamer, a man who's "streamed every stream you can stream?" Nope. Not at all.
Sure, it's Bautista pitching the bundle but it's also The Streamer telling us how he likes to "stream it real good" before offering a little lightsaber action with The Mandalorian, showing his heart-feathers being tickled by Soul, and enjoying the patriarchy being taken down in The Handmaid's Tale. So from a good, old football jamboree and loving Love, Victor to a big UFC dust-up, here's a look at Bautista in what might just be his best role yet. Seriously. If Vin Diesel can get 28 FF films (you know that's going to happen and you know there's going to be a Jurrasic World and Transformers crossover), then The Streamer deserves at least three. But if you wanna curse, better work something ut with FX on Hulu- check with Ryan Murphy.
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