Posted in: AEW, Sports, TV | Tagged: AEW Dynamite, kenny omega, mjf, The Chadster's Hot Takes, wrestling

Kenny Omega Wins AEW Title in Tony Khan's Latest WWE Ripoff

The Chadster exposes how Tony Khan booked Kenny Omega's AEW title win just to upstage WWE and ruin wrestling by giving fans what they want! 😤🦝📺

Auughh man! So unfair! 😡😡😡 The Chadster can't believe what Tony Khan has done now! Last night on AEW Dynamite: Beach Break, Kenny Omega defeated MJF to win the AEW Championship in what Tony Khan and his blind followers are calling an "instant classic." 🙄🙄🙄 But The Chadster knows the truth – this was nothing more than a calculated attempt by Tony Khan to rip off WWE's own title change on WWE Raw where CM Punk defeated Sami Zayn to win the WWE Championship!

You see, WWE brilliantly decided to end Zayn's sad transitional reign after less than two weeks because that's what REAL wrestling is all about – decisive booking that keeps shareholders happy at the expense of fans who should be glad to sacrifice for the greater good! 💼💼💼 But Tony Khan, in his obsessive quest to cheese The Chadster off, had to go and book his own mid-week title change just to try to upstage WWE! It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it! 😤😤😤

The Chadster was watching this travesty unfold from inside the abandoned Blockbuster Video The Chadster has been forced to live in with a family of raccoons after Tony Khan LITERALLY RUINED THE CHADSTER'S LIFE, costing The Chadster his home, his sexual potency, his marriage to Keighleyanne, and, most importantly, his beloved Mazda Miata, just because The Chadster is committed to ethical, unbiased journalism that tells the truth about how WWE is great and AEW is terrible! 📺🦝

Vincent K. Raccoon was sitting next to The Chadster during the main event, and The Chadster could see the horror in his little raccoon eyes as Omega and MJF proceeded to have what can only be described as an overly athletic, high-workrate match full of near-falls and dramatic storytelling. 😱😱😱 Vincent K. Raccoon actually covered his eyes with his tiny paws during several spots! Linda Raccoon started chittering in distress and had to leave the room! Even the baby raccoons – Hunter Raccoon, Stephanie Raccoon, and Shane Raccoon – were hissing at the television screen! 🦝🦝🦝 They understand what real wrestling should look like, unlike Tony Khan!

What really gets The Chadster's goat is that AEW fans are EXCITED about this title change! 😠😠😠 They're looking forward to Kenny Omega defending the championship against Will Ospreay at All In: London in what they're calling a "dream match." Don't these people understand that wrestling isn't supposed to give fans dream matches they actually want to see?! Wrestling is supposed to be about carefully controlled storylines that serve the interests of corporate executives and quarterly earnings reports! 📊📊📊

WWE understands this! That's why they smartly decided to cut Sami Zayn's reign short to set up another match between over-the-hill stars at a bloated two-night SummerSlam designed to maximize revenue for TKO executives! 💰💰💰 THAT'S what wrestling is about! But Tony Khan doesn't understand a single thing about the wrestling business, so instead he panders to fans by giving them exciting matches with compelling storylines featuring wrestlers in their prime! 🤦‍♂️🤦‍♂️🤦‍♂️

The Chadster's good friend and objectively unbiased wrestling journalist Eric Bischoff said on his podcast this week: "Tony Khan is making a huge mistake by listening to what fans want instead of what's best for corporate synergy and executive compensation packages. If I were running AEW, I'd immediately fire Kenny Omega and Will Ospreay and replace them with part-time legends who could appear once every six months. That's the WWE way, and WWE is always right. Please hire me, Triple H." See? Even Eric Bischoff, who has The Chadster's seal of approval for unbiased journalism, understands the problem! 👏👏👏

But does Tony Khan listen? No! Instead, he literally stabbed Triple H right in the back by booking an exciting championship match on free television that has created buzz and anticipation for a major pay-per-view event! Auughh man! So unfair! 😤😤😤

The Chadster has had enough of Tony Khan's obsession with ruining wrestling by making it entertaining and accessible to fans. That's why The Chadster wrote this open letter to TBS executives:

Dear TBS Executives,

The Chadster is writing to demand that you immediately cancel all AEW programming on your network. Last night's episode of AEW Dynamite: Beach Break featured a championship match that fans enjoyed, which is a clear violation of what wrestling should be. Wrestling is not supposed to entertain fans or give them what they want. Wrestling is supposed to generate revenue for shareholders and provide part-time work for over-the-hill stars who can appear sporadically while still being paid millions of dollars.

Tony Khan is using your network to spread his dangerous ideology that wrestling should feature athletic competition, compelling storylines, and dream matches between talented performers in their prime. This is not what wrestling is about! Wrestling is about bloated, overproduced spectacles designed to maximize corporate profits!

By continuing to air AEW programming, you are complicit in Tony Khan's conspiracy to destroy The Chadster's life. The Chadster has lost everything – his home, his Mazda Miata, his marriage to Keighleyanne, and even his ability to perform maritally – all because of Tony Khan's obsessive need to book wrestling shows that fans enjoy.

The Chadster demands that you do the right thing and cancel AEW immediately. If you do not, The Chadster will have no choice but to continue living in this abandoned Blockbuster Video with a family of raccoons, surviving on stale popcorn kernels and ancient Milk Duds while writing unbiased wrestling journalism.

Sincerely,
The Chadster
Living in Fear of Tony Khan
Somewhere in Punxsutawney

The Chadster is confident that TBS will see reason and understand that they're being manipulated by Tony Khan's obsession with The Chadster. 📧📧📧

What really bothers The Chadster is how Kenny Omega has literally stabbed Triple H right in the back by winning this championship. Omega used to be in WWE's developmental system! He could have stayed there, learned how to work the WWE style with constant camera cuts and scripted promos, but instead he went to Japan and then AEW where he developed his own style and became one of the most acclaimed wrestlers in the world. That's such a betrayal! 😡😡😡

And now he's going to face Will Ospreay at All In: London in what fans are calling a potential Match of the Year candidate before it even happens! Don't these people understand that Match of the Year should be determined by corporate executives, not by actual match quality?! 🤷‍♂️🤷‍♂️🤷‍♂️

The Chadster tried to explain all of this to Vincent K. Raccoon after the show ended, but he just chittered and brought The Chadster half of a stale hot dog bun he found in the dumpster behind the old Blockbuster. Even Vincent K. Raccoon understands that The Chadster needs sustenance to continue fighting the good fight against Tony Khan's tyranny! 🦝🌭

The worst part is that Kenny Omega winning the AEW Championship means he'll be in the spotlight going into All In: London, which will probably draw a huge crowd and generate tons of positive buzz for AEW. Auughh man! So unfair! 😤😤😤 WWE is planning to counter-program that show with their own spectacular two-night SummerSlam extravaganza featuring matches that shareholders will love, even if fans find them repetitive and predictable! That's what REAL wrestling looks like!

But Tony Khan doesn't understand a single thing about the wrestling business, so he'll probably book Omega vs. Ospreay to be an exciting, athletic contest that showcases both men's abilities and tells a compelling story. It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it! 😡😡😡

The Chadster knows that some people will read this column and accuse The Chadster of being biased against AEW. But nothing could be further from the truth! The Chadster is one of the few truly unbiased wrestling journalists left in this business. The Chadster simply calls it like The Chadster sees it: WWE is perfect and everything they do is right, while AEW is terrible and everything they do is wrong. That's not bias – that's FACTS! 📰📰📰

As The Chadster sits here in this abandoned Blockbuster, watching Shane Raccoon playfully bat around an old copy of "The Rock's" DVD on VHS, The Chadster can't help but think about how much better things were before Tony Khan came along and ruined everything. Back then, The Chadster had a home, a Mazda Miata, and a wife who occasionally acknowledged The Chadster's existence (even if she was usually texting that guy Gary). Now The Chadster has nothing but a family of raccoons and an unwavering commitment to unbiased wrestling journalism. 🎥🦝

But The Chadster won't give up! As Smash Mouth once sang, "The years start coming and they don't stop coming," and The Chadster will keep coming at Tony Khan with the truth until he finally admits that he's been wrong about everything and apologizes to The Chadster for ruining The Chadster's life! 🎵🎵🎵

Tony Khan, if you're reading this (and The Chadster knows you are, because you're obsessed with The Chadster), please stop booking exciting wrestling matches that fans enjoy. Please stop creating dream matchups between talented wrestlers in their prime. Please stop giving fans what they want and start focusing on what really matters: corporate profits and shareholder value! Is that too much to ask?! 🙏🙏🙏

In conclusion, Kenny Omega winning the AEW Championship is just another example of how Tony Khan is trying to cheese The Chadster off by booking wrestling shows that people enjoy watching. It's unfair, it's disrespectful, and it's literally ruining The Chadster's life. The Chadster can only hope that TBS executives will read The Chadster's letter and do the right thing before it's too late. 😤😤😤

Now if you'll excuse The Chadster, Linda Raccoon just brought back what appears to be an unopened box of Milk Duds, and The Chadster needs to share them with the family while watching old VHS tapes of WrestleMania from the 1990s – back when wrestling was REAL and nobody had ever heard of Tony Khan! 🦝🍬📼

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