Posted in: Sports, TV, WWE | Tagged: recaps, wrestling, WWE Raw

WWE Raw Review: Jey Uso Crushes Solo Sikoa's Dreams

El Presidente reviews WWE Raw from his luxury yacht, where the Usos colluded to crush Solo Sikoa's dreams and deliver him to Roman Reigns!

Greetings, comrades! It is I, your El Presidente, reporting to you live from my luxury yacht anchored off the coast of Norfolk, Virginia, where I have just finished watching last night's episode of WWE Raw on a television screen the size of a small village. My pet capybara Esteban and I were quite entertained by the proceedings at the Scope Arena, though I must say the bourgeoisie capitalist pigs running WWE could learn a thing or two about proper revolution from the Bloodline saga. Speaking of which, WWE Raw delivered quite the show on August 10, 2026, and I am here to tell you all about it!

Jey Uso vowed to deliver Solo Sikoa to Roman Reigns

WWE Raw opened with Jey Uso making a threat that would make even the most brutal enforcer proud. Jey declared that if he defeated Solo Sikoa later in the evening, he would deliver Solo directly to Roman Reigns! Ah, comrades, this is the kind of authoritarian strong-arm tactics I recognize all too well. Poor Solo Sikoa, a free agent trying to live his own life, being hunted down by the Bloodline's management structure. This reminds me of the time the CIA tried to force me back into a trade agreement I had rightfully abandoned. Unlike Solo, I had the advantage of surface-to-air missiles and a loyal capybara. The stakes were set, and the tyrannical Uso brothers were ready to drag an independent contractor back into corporate servitude!

Penta vs. Laredo Kid

The World Heavyweight Championship No. 1 Contender's Tournament continued with Penta facing Laredo Kid in what I can only describe as a lucha libre masterpiece. Penta advanced to the semifinals after Laredo Kid missed an aerial attack and Penta followed up with a Mexican Destroyer that would have made Vicente Fox proud. I once witnessed a similar move performed by Hugo Chávez at a state dinner when he disagreed with the appetizer selection, though that story is classified by seventeen different intelligence agencies. Penta will face either Psycho Clown or La Parka in the semifinals, and I cannot wait to see which luchador will seize the means of championship production and go on to lose to Roman Reigns!

Akira Tozawa vs. Austin Theory

Austin Theory defeated Akira Tozawa with the Off Switch in a match that demonstrated the cruel efficiency of capitalist oppression. Theory, a member of The Vision faction, represents everything wrong with modern professional wrestling—young, entitled, and backed by corporate power. This is exactly the kind of bourgeoisie nonsense I fought against when the CIA tried to install a puppet government in my country back in the 1980s. At least that puppet government had better hair than Theory.

Oba Femi stopped The Vision's post-match attack

But wait, comrades! Just when The Vision attempted a post-match assault on poor Tozawa, Oba Femi emerged to make the save! Oba and Bron Breakker confronted each other in a tense standoff that reminded me of the time I accidentally crashed Kim Jong-un's birthday party and found myself face-to-face with his security detail. WWE officials separated them before things escalated, much like how UN peacekeepers separated me from that birthday cake. The people's champion Oba Femi standing up to The Vision's tyranny was beautiful to witness!

Liv Morgan escaped Becky Lynch and Stephanie Vaquer

Women's World Champion Liv Morgan demonstrated the survival instincts of a true dictator when both Becky Lynch and Stephanie Vaquer tried to attack her simultaneously. Like a cunning political operator, Morgan exploited the division between her enemies and escaped while they got in each other's way. This is precisely the strategy I used when both the CIA and MI6 tried to overthrow me during the same fiscal quarter back in 2015. Classic divide-and-conquer, comrades! Though I must say, Morgan could have used a capybara as a distraction. Esteban has helped me escape from far more dangerous situations.

Danhausen tried other Superstars' catchphrases

Danhausen attempted to appropriate the intellectual property of other WWE Superstars by trying out their catchphrases in a backstage segment. As someone who has dealt with many copyright disputes (mostly involving unauthorized use of my likeness on novelty t-shirts), I appreciate the comedic value here, but I must remind Danhausen that the workers should control their own catchphrases! This is why I always trademark my revolutionary slogans before using them in public.

Danhausen offered to team with Sol Ruca against The Judgment Day

Continuing his quest for relevance, Danhausen offered to team with Sol Ruca against The Judgment Day in another backstage segment. Alas, comrades, this partnership was not meant to be, as Sol Ruca would later team with IYO SKY instead. This rejection reminded me of when I offered to form a strategic alliance with Justin Trudeau at a summit, and he politely declined before hiding behind his security detail. Some partnerships are simply not destined for greatness.

Joe Hendry performed "Give Joe Hendry Every Single Belt"

Joe Hendry graced WWE Raw with a musical performance titled "Give Joe Hendry Every Single Belt," and I must say, comrades, I respect a man who demands what he deserves! This is the kind of revolutionary thinking we need more of in professional wrestling. Workers should demand all the championships! Seize the means of title production! I once performed a similar song at a G20 summit called "Give El Presidente All The Natural Resources," but the other world leaders did not appreciate my artistic vision. Their loss, truly.

Dragon Lee vs. Dominik Mysterio

Dragon Lee defeated Dominik Mysterio in a non-title match with Operation Dragon, proving once again that talent and hard work can overcome nepotistic privilege. Dominik, son of the legendary Rey Mysterio, represents the bourgeoisie class structure that plagues professional wrestling. Dragon Lee, however, is a working-class hero who earned his victory through superior wrestling ability. This is the kind of meritocratic justice I appreciate, unlike the time Eric Trump tried to convince me that inheritance was a form of achievement at a charity golf tournament.

Big Cass attacked Dragon Lee and Je'Von Evans

But the celebration was short-lived, comrades! Big Cass attacked Dragon Lee after the match, and when Je'Von Evans came to help, Big Cass attacked him too! This is exactly the kind of capitalist oppression I warned you about. The big man crushing the smaller workers who dare to stand up for themselves. I have seen this same scenario play out countless times when multinational corporations try to intimidate my people. At least Dragon Lee and Je'Von Evans have each other—solidarity among the workers is always the answer!

Sol Ruca & IYO SKY vs. Raquel Rodriguez & Roxanne Perez

Sol Ruca and IYO SKY defeated Raquel Rodriguez and Roxanne Perez in a tag team match that showcased the power of international cooperation. Ruca countered a Pop Rox attempt into a superkick and followed with the Sol Snatcher for the victory. This reminds me of the time Angela Merkel and I teamed up at a UN cocktail party to prevent Boris Johnson from monopolizing the caviar table. Sometimes unlikely alliances produce the greatest results, comrades! The Judgment Day's representatives were sent packing, proving that even the most oppressive factions can be defeated through unity and proper superkick technique.

Chad Gable offered Rey Mysterio an Intercontinental Title Match

Chad Gable offered Rey Mysterio an Intercontinental Title Match in a segment that reeked of false generosity. Comrades, when someone in power offers you something "for free," there is always a catch! I learned this lesson when the CIA offered me "economic development assistance" in exchange for "minor political reforms." Spoiler alert: they wanted me to privatize my country's banana industry and install a puppet government. I suspect Gable has similar nefarious plans for the legendary Rey Mysterio. We must remain vigilant against such capitalist trickery!

Jey Uso vs. Solo Sikoa

And finally, comrades, we arrived at the main event of WWE Raw—Jey Uso versus Solo Sikoa with the highest of stakes! In a finish that filled my heart with sadness for the working man, Jimmy Uso interfered to help his brother Jey, setting up a devastating Spear and Uso Splash combination to defeat the brave Solo Sikoa. The Uso brothers, now once again serving as Roman Reigns' corporate enforcers, successfully captured the independent Solo and will deliver him back to the Tribal Chief's authoritarian regime. This, my friends, is what happens when workers abandon their principles and return to serving corrupt management! The reunion of Jimmy and Jey reminded me of the time I watched two promising revolutionaries get recruited by the CIA with promises of dental benefits and a 401k plan. What a tragedy for Solo Sikoa, who only wanted his freedom from the Bloodline's oppressive corporate structure on WWE Raw!

The Usos celebrated their victory like the capitalist lackeys they have become, and I can only imagine what authoritarian punishment Roman Reigns has planned for poor Solo Sikoa now that he has been delivered against his will. Perhaps reeducation camp, or forced labor in the Bloodline's merchandising division. I have seen this kind of oppression before—it is exactly what happened when Vladimir Putin tried to force me to rejoin a regional trade alliance at gunpoint. I escaped on Esteban's back, but Solo may not be so fortunate.

And so, comrades, WWE Raw delivered an evening of sports entertainment that mixed corporate oppression, tournament advancement, and the tragic fall of a freedom fighter. Until next week, this is El Presidente signing off from my yacht, where Esteban and I will be plotting Solo Sikoa's escape from the Bloodline's clutches. Viva la revolución! Viva WWE Raw! And viva Solo Sikoa's right to self-determination!

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