Posted in: Sports, TV, WWE | Tagged: wrestling, wwe smackdown

WWE SmackDown Preview: Gunther Fallout and Uneasy Alliances

Gunther attacked Nick Aldis! Cody Rhodes must team with CM Punk! Finn Bálor battles Talla Tonga! Your El Presidente previews tonight's WWE SmackDown action!

Greetings, comrades! It is I, your El Presidente, reporting to you live from my golden yacht anchored just outside international waters (the CIA cannot touch me here, haha!), and I bring you the most electrifying preview of tonight's WWE SmackDown!

Tonight's episode promises to be more explosive than the time I had to flee my palace because Fidel Castro accidentally set off fireworks during our monthly poker night. The fallout from last week's shocking events will shake the very foundations of WWE SmackDown, and your El Presidente will break it all down for you, comrades!

The Fallout from Gunther's Attack on Nick Aldis

What will happen after Gunther attacked SmackDown General Manager Nick Aldis last week?

Will it affect Saturday Night's Main Event where The Ring General is scheduled to team with Sami Zayn against Undisputed WWE Champion CM Punk and Cody Rhodes?

Don't miss all the action, tonight at 8 ET/7 CT on SmackDown on USA.

Ah, comrades, this reminds me of the time I attacked my own Minister of Entertainment for scheduling my favorite telenovela opposite a presidential address! Gunther, The Ring General, has committed the ultimate act of defiance against the bourgeois authority figure Nick Aldis! This is worker solidarity at its finest – well, almost. You see, Gunther should be attacking the capitalist ownership structure, not just middle management!

But I digress. The real question tonight on WWE SmackDown is what consequences await The Ring General? Will there be fines? Suspensions? In my country, when someone attacks a government official, we simply make them disappear… I mean, we have a stern conversation! The tension heading into Saturday Night's Main Event is thicker than the security around my secret cheese vault (the CIA has been trying to steal my aged Gouda collection for years).

Cody Rhodes and CM Punk: An Uneasy Alliance

How will Cody Rhodes react to teaming with Undisputed WWE Champion CM Punk against Gunther and Sami Zayn at Saturday Night's Main Event en route to their title match at SummerSlam?

Find out tonight at 8 ET/7 CT on SmackDown on USA.

Comrades, this situation reminds me of the time Kim Jong-un and I had to team up for a doubles tennis match against Vladimir Putin and Steven Seagal at Muammar Gaddafi's birthday party (may he rest in power). We hated each other, but we hated losing more! My pet capybara Esteban was the ball boy, and he did an excellent job.

Cody Rhodes finds himself in a similar predicament. He must team with CM Punk, the very man he will face for the Undisputed WWE Championship at SummerSlam. The American Nightmare must suppress his competitive instincts and work alongside his future opponent. This is like asking me to cooperate with the CIA – theoretically possible, but highly improbable and certainly uncomfortable!

The beauty of professional wrestling, comrades, is that it reflects the class struggles we face every day. Rhodes and Punk represent two factions of the working class who must unite against their common oppressors – in this case, Gunther and Sami Zayn. If only they would seize the means of production from that capitalist pig Triple H and run WWE SmackDown as a workers' collective! Imagine the utopia!

Finn Bálor Seeks Revenge Against Talla Tonga

After suffering a backstage attack by Tama Tonga and Talla Tonga two weeks ago, Finn Bálor got payback when he took them out with a Senton before finishing Tama with the Coup de Grace.

What will happen when The Prince battles Talla Tonga? Find out on SmackDown, tonight at 8 ET/7 CT on USA.

Ah, revenge! This is a dish best served cold, like the gazpacho I threw at a CIA operative who tried to infiltrate my kitchen staff! Finn Bálor, The Prince himself, has already gotten some measure of vengeance against Tama Tonga, but tonight on WWE SmackDown, he faces Talla Tonga in what promises to be a violent confrontation!

I remember when Saddam Hussein and I got into a heated argument over who made the best hummus (it was me, obviously). He sent his nephew to settle things, and I had to handle the situation with my own hands – which is to say, I had my security detail handle it while I watched from my solid gold observation deck. Bálor finds himself in a similar cycle of retribution, comrades!

The Tonga family has become a thorn in The Prince's side, much like how the CIA is a thorn in my side, or how democratic elections are a thorn in the side of efficient governance. Tonight's match will be brutal, and I expect Bálor to unleash the Demon – not literally, of course, though I did once summon an actual demon with Aleister Black during a séance at Bashar al-Assad's summer villa. Long story.

Comrades, all of this information comes courtesy of WWE's official website, where the bourgeois corporate media tells us what we're allowed to know!

Do not miss tonight's WWE SmackDown, comrades! I will be watching from my private screening room, which is carved entirely from marble and features a popcorn machine that once belonged to Napoleon Bonaparte (I won it in a poker game from a French antiquities dealer). Esteban and I have prepared capybara-sized wrestling gear so he can act out the matches afterward.

¡Viva la revolución! ¡Viva SmackDown!

Enjoyed this? Please share on social media!

Stay up-to-date and support the site by following Bleeding Cool on Google News today!