Posted in: Sports, TV, WWE | Tagged: wrestling, wwe smackdown

WWE SmackDown Preview: Sami Zayn Fallout and Cody Rhodes Speaks

El Presidente previews WWE SmackDown from his luxury yacht: Sami Zayn plots, Cody Rhodes speaks, Giulia vs Blake Monroe, and tag team action tonight!

Greetings, comrades! It is I, your El Presidente, reporting to you live from my golden observation deck aboard my luxury yacht currently anchored in the Ohio River, and I bring you news of tonight's WWE SmackDown coming to you from the Heritage Bank Center in Cincinnati, Ohio! Just as I once orchestrated chaos during a peaceful transfer of power in 2003 (the CIA still hasn't forgiven me for that one), WWE SmackDown promises absolute pandemonium tonight following last week's magnificent display of anarchy!

What will happen after Sami Zayn interfered in last week's WWE Title No. 1 Contender's Match?

Last week on SmackDown, Sami Zayn introduced absolute chaos into the Undisputed WWE Championship No. 1 Contender's Triple Threat Match between Kevin Owens, Finn Bálor and Gunther.

Zayn attacked everyone in sight with the Undisputed WWE Championship before CM Punk's next challenger could be established. What will happen after Zayn ambushed his rivals? Find out Friday at 8 ET/7 CT SmackDown on USA.

Ah, comrades, this reminds me of the time I crashed a United Nations Security Council meeting by bursting through the doors and declaring myself the rightful challenger for Antonio Guterres' position! Sami Zayn has done what every good revolutionary must do—he has seized the means of championship production! By attacking Kevin Owens, Finn Bálor, and Gunther with the very symbol of capitalist WWE oppression, the Undisputed WWE Championship itself, Zayn has declared that the workers will no longer wait for the bourgeoisie to decide their fate! CM Punk may be champion, but he has no challenger, and when there is a power vacuum, El Presidente knows from experience that this is when the most exciting revolutions occur! I once told Fidel Castro over mojitos in Havana that chaos is merely opportunity wearing a luchador mask, and he agreed wholeheartedly while my capybara Esteban nibbled on imported Swiss chocolate.

Cody Rhodes to speak prior to battling Randy Orton at Sunday Night's Main Event

After Randy Orton attempted to bait Cody Rhodes with insults about his family, wife and even his dog in an attempt to get his adversary to break the no-contact rule, The American Nightmare is set to address the WWE Universe.What will Rhodes say just two nights before he goes to war against The Viper at Sunday Night's Main Event? Find out on SmackDown, Friday at 8 ET/7 CT on USA.

Comrades, psychological warfare is an art form I have perfected over decades of dealing with Western intelligence agencies! Randy Orton understands what I learned during my infamous 2011 standoff with the CIA—when you want your enemy to break, you attack what they hold most dear! The man insulted Cody Rhodes' family, his wife, and even his dog! This is the kind of ruthless tactics I employed when I had Steven Seagal and Dennis Rodman over for my birthday party in 2015 and convinced them both that the other one ate the last piece of cake, just to watch the chaos unfold! The American Nightmare must show the restraint of a true statesman tonight on WWE SmackDown, something I have never been accused of possessing. What will Rhodes say with only two nights before Sunday Night's Main Event? Perhaps he will take the high road, or perhaps he will RKO that no-contact stipulation into oblivion! Either way, Esteban and I will be watching with great interest from our velvet cushions.

Giulia looks to bring the pain to Blake Monroe in her rescheduled debut match

One week after Blake Monroe attacked Giulia for being "beneath her" prior to what was supposed to be her SmackDown debut match, The Beautiful Madness answered with a backstage attack on Monroe.Take two. Giulia will look spoil The Glamour's rescheduled debut match, Friday at 8 ET/7 CT on SmackDown on USA.

Ah, the classic tale of class warfare, comrades! Blake Monroe, representing the entitled bourgeoisie, believes Giulia is "beneath her"—this is exactly the kind of capitalist pig mentality that leads to revolution! I remember when a visiting dignitary from Luxembourg once told me my palace's gold-plated bathroom fixtures were "gauche," and I responded by having him compete in a three-legged race against a very motivated llama. Giulia's backstage retaliation shows the fighting spirit of the proletariat! Monroe may have glamour, but glamour cannot withstand the beautiful madness of a worker who has been oppressed! This rescheduled debut on WWE SmackDown will be a battlefield where class consciousness meets clotheslines, and I predict Giulia will redistribute Monroe's undefeated record directly into the people's hands!

Shinsuke Nakamura & Kyoki to battle The Miz & Kit Wilson

After weeks of heralding their intention to dominate the tag team division, Shinsuke Nakamura and Kyoki will make their SmackDown tandem debut against The Miz and Kit Wilson.

Don't miss all the action of SmackDown, Friday at 8 ET/7 CT on USA.

Comrades, when Shinsuke Nakamura and Kyoki promise to dominate a division, you must take them seriously! This is their tandem debut on WWE SmackDown, and they face The Miz and Kit Wilson—a team that represents everything flashy about American capitalism! I once formed a tag team with Kim Jong-un for a charity basketball game against LaVar Ball and Flavor Flav, and let me tell you, when two forces of nature combine their powers for a common goal, mountains crumble and the CIA's surveillance budget increases by 40 percent! Nakamura has the King of Strong Style, and together with Kyoki, they will show the tag team division what true domination looks like. The Miz may have Hollywood credentials, but Hollywood is merely the propaganda arm of the capitalist machine, comrades!

You can find more details about tonight's action at WWE's official preview page.

So tune in tonight, comrades, to WWE SmackDown at 8 ET/7 CT on USA Network, broadcasting from Cincinnati, Ohio! El Presidente will be watching from his yacht's 80-inch gold-framed television while Esteban enjoys a platter of organic kale imported from California (he has developed expensive tastes, that capybara). I have instructed my staff to prepare my favorite viewing snacks—caviar nachos and champagne slushies—and I have placed a friendly wager with the deposed Sultan of Brunei about whether Sami Zayn will cause more chaos tonight. The revolution will be televised, comrades, and it will be glorious!

¡Viva la revolución! ¡Viva WWE SmackDown!

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