Okay, you know the deal behind our sick fascination with these teasers, so let's get the professional stuff out of the way first. On March 4, CBS All Access is being rebranded as Paramount+ starting March 4 in the U.S. and Canada and in other parts of the world later that month. What that means is that you're going to get a mess-load of ViacomCBS programming from across all of its networks and studios- and more. Everyone get it? Cool- now let's get to why you're really here: the continuing heroic adventures of Star Trek: Strange New Worlds ambassadors Capt. Christopher Pike (Anson Mount) and Science Officer Spock (Ethan Peck), and Star Trek: Discovery ambassador Capt. Michael Burnham (Sonequa Martin-Green) as they work to keep the company's most viable IPs alive as they make their journey up Paramount Mountain by keeping the team alive, motivated, and moving forward. From putting down insurrections against Dora the Explorer and saving a team member from potentially fatal puppet frostbite to making the sacrifices necessary to keep everyone alive, our trio has proven Starfleet proud time and time again.
Which brings us to our next chapter- and to yet another ice bridge. Ignoring the fact that it looks like they recycled some footage from the previous teaser, once again Burnham is forced to come up with a back-up plan when the next ice bridge they face has a crack in it:
The current threat that the group was facing wasn't lost on noted scholars Beavis and Butthead- oh who are we kidding? She said "crack"- that s**t's funny!
Okay, maybe not everyone found it funny (but we still have our issues with Coach Bill Cowher over that whole "Dora" debacle a few teasers back):
But at least Survivor host Jeff Probst knows how to join in on the fun…
As does Burnham, once again demonstrating the important character trait of still maintaining a level of respectful leadership with the want to throw out a couple "Uh-huh-huh, uh-huh-huh" of your own:
But don't our word for it, not when you can check out the newest teaser for next month's big shift as the journey leads to "Expedition: Crack" (yeah, it made us laugh like five-year-old- don't judge us):
The move comes as ViacomCBS looks to strengthen its footprint on an ever-more-crowded streaming landscape by highlighting its portfolio of broadcast, news, sports, and entertainment brands. So what that means is all of that content you've been enjoying on CBS All Access ("Star Trek" franchise, The Twilight Zone, etc.) will be making the move to Paramount+. Outside of North America, March 25 sees the rebranding go live in the Nordics and mid-year sees the transition happening in Australia. Viewers will get a preview of what they can expect on February 24 when an overview of the company's streaming plans for Paramount+, Showtime's OTT service, and the free, ad-supported Pluto TV will be presented as part of ViacomCBS' quarterly earnings report.