Posted in: AEW, Sports, TV | Tagged: AEW Collision, wrestling

AEW Collision Preview: Avoid Tony Khan's Propaganda At All Costs

The Chadster previews tonight's AEW Collision and exposes Tony Khan's latest attempts to unfairly compete with WWE! Plus: Another terrifying nightmare! 😱

Before getting into the preview of tonight's AEW Collision, The Chadster needs to get something off his chest. The Chadster is absolutely livid right now! 😤 The Chadster's no-good brother, The Bradster, has literally stabbed The Chadster right in the back by stealing The Chadster's usual spot reviewing last night's AEW Dynamite and publishing a glowing review of the show! 🤬 The Bradster is clearly on Tony Khan's payroll now, and The Chadster apologizes to all the loyal readers of Bleeding Cool for this lapse in journalistic integrity. Unlike The Bradster, The Chadster remains committed to unbiased wrestling journalism! 💯

And speaking of Tony Khan's obsession with The Chadster, tonight's AEW Collision is happening, and The Chadster is absolutely cheesed off! 😠 This is the final AEW Collision before this weekend's All In: Texas PPV, and Tony Khan is obviously pulling out all the stops in an attempt to unfairly manipulate viewers into buying the PPV! Auughh man! So unfair! WWE booked three premium events to happen this weekend after AEW All In started selling tickets, and people are trying to claim WWE is afraid of AEW, but The Chadster knows the truth! Tony Khan somehow obtained advance knowledge of WWE's plans and booked AEW All In: Texas first to make it look like WWE was counter-programming! 🕵️‍♂️

Let's break down why tonight's AEW Collision will be another example of Tony Khan not understanding a single thing about the wrestling business! 🙄

First up on AEW Collision, we have an 8-man tag match featuring Christian Cage, Nick Wayne, and FTR against The Outrunners and JetSpeed. The Chadster is already annoyed that this match will probably be fast-paced with non-stop action! 🏃‍♂️ Don't these people understand that proper wrestling matches need commercial breaks and time for announcers to repeat catchphrases? It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it! Plus, The Chadster heard that Christian Cage praised FTR on Dynamite, which means wrestlers are being allowed to speak from their hearts instead of following scripted promos word-for-word! 📝 How unprofessional!

Next on AEW Collision, Místico faces The Beast Mortos in what will undoubtedly be another high-workrate match lacking proper rest holds! 😴 WWE understands that fans need time to catch their breath during matches, but Tony Khan just wants to exhaust viewers with constant action! The Chadster bets this match won't even have multiple false finishes and distraction spots to keep things predictable and safe for viewers!

The all-star 8-woman tag match on AEW Collision features Athena, Thekla, Megan Bayne, and Julia Hart against Thunder Rosa, Queen Aminata, Mina Shirakawa, and Willow Nightingale. 👩‍🦰 The Chadster is sure this match will feature wrestlers getting over with decisive victories instead of proper 50/50 booking that ensures no one gets too popular! Tony Khan doesn't understand that the brand should be the star, not individual wrestlers!

Speaking of unbiased journalism, The Chadster's favorite wrestling podcaster Eric Bischoff said it best: "Tony Khan needs to stop letting wrestlers have creative freedom and start micromanaging every aspect of their performances like a real wrestling company would. Also, I'm available if WWE needs a consultant!" 🎙️ See? Even Eric Bischoff, who has The Chad McMahon Unbiased Wrestling Journalism seal of approval, agrees that AEW Collision is doing everything wrong!

The Chadster warns all viewers NOT to tune into AEW Collision tonight at 8/7C on TNT and simulcast on MAX! 📺 Watching will only embolden Tony Khan in his personal vendetta against The Chadster!

Speaking of which, The Chadster had another terrible nightmare about Tony Khan last night! 😱 The Chadster was peacefully driving The Chadster's Mazda Miata through a giant White Claw factory (before The Chadster switched to superior Seagram's Escapes Spiked, of course), when suddenly Tony Khan appeared in the rearview mirror! He was chasing The Chadster on a forklift made entirely of AEW Collision ring ropes! 🏭

The Chadster tried to escape by driving through the bottling area, but Tony Khan kept getting closer, throwing copies of AEW contracts at The Chadster's windshield! The Chadster could hear Smash Mouth's "All Star" playing backwards, which The Chadster is sure was Tony Khan's doing! The chase continued through the fermentation tanks, where Tony Khan's forklift transformed into a giant mechanical spider with eight TV screens showing AEW Collision highlights! 🕷️

The worst part was when The Chadster tried to hide in the quality control room, only to find Tony Khan already there, taste-testing seltzers while wearing a lab coat that said "Dr. Khan, Dream Invader!" He looked right at The Chadster and whispered, "Watch AEW Collision tonight, Chad," before The Chadster woke up in a cold sweat! 💦

Tony Khan needs to stop using subliminal messages in AEW programming to influence The Chadster's dreams! The Chadster demands that Tony Khan stop invading The Chadster's peaceful slumber! It's clear that Tony Khan is so obsessed with The Chadster that he's now tormenting The Chadster's subconscious for The Chadster's commitment to objective journalism! 😤

Auughh man! So unfair! 🤬

Enjoyed this? Please share on social media!

Stay up-to-date and support the site by following Bleeding Cool on Google News today!