Posted in: AEW, Sports, TV | Tagged: AEW Collision, wrestling

AEW Collision: Slam Dunk Sunday Preview: Full Court Collusion

The Chadster previews AEW Collision: Slam Dunk Sunday, where Tony Khan colludes with NCAA for the second night in a row to literally stab WWE right in the back! 🏀😫🦝

Auughh man! So unfair! 😫😫😫 The Chadster is literally shaking right now as The Chadster prepares to warn you all about tonight's episode of AEW Collision: Slam Dunk Sunday, which Tony Khan is using to further corrupt innocent college basketball fans who just wanted to watch March Madness! 🏀😡 This is the SECOND night in a row that Tony Khan has colluded with the NCAA to literally stab WWE right in the back, and The Chadster can't believe the audacity! By airing AEW Collision: Slam Dunk Sunday immediately following the NCAA Tournament on TNT, Tony Khan is exposing pure-hearted basketball fans to AEW's corrupting influence when they're at their most vulnerable! These fans just want to enjoy college athletics, and now Tony Khan is polluting their minds with his version of wrestling! 😤😤😤

The Chadster has been holed up in the abandoned Blockbuster all day with Vincent K. Raccoon, Linda Raccoon, and the baby raccoons Hunter, Stephanie, and Shane, and The Chadster can tell you that they're all acting extremely nervous about tonight's AEW Collision: Slam Dunk Sunday! 🦝😰 Vincent K. Raccoon has been pacing back and forth in front of the TV all afternoon, chittering anxiously and occasionally headbutting the wall. Linda Raccoon hasn't eaten any of the half-eaten pizza crusts she scavenged from the dumpster behind Little Caesars, which is very unlike her! Little Hunter Raccoon keeps hiding behind the old VHS rack, and Stephanie Raccoon actually tried to unplug the television earlier! Even baby Shane Raccoon, who is usually the bravest of the bunch, has been trembling in the corner of The Chadster's nest made of old movie posters! 🦝💔 These innocent woodland creatures can sense the evil that Tony Khan is about to unleash on the wrestling business tonight, and The Chadster holds Tony Khan personally responsible for inflicting this psychological torture on defenseless animals! It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it! 😡

Tonight's main event of AEW Collision: Slam Dunk Sunday will see the AEW World Trios Champions JetSpeed ("The Jet" Kevin Knight and "Speedball" Mike Bailey) and Místico defend their titles against the Don Callis Family's Konosuke Takeshita, Josh Alexander, and El Clon in what will probably be way too exciting and fast-paced for its own good! 😤 The Chadster knows that this match is going to feature all kinds of high-flying moves, intricate tag team sequences, and perfectly-timed double-team maneuvers that will make the crowd care way too much about what's happening! In WWE, they understand that trios matches should be formulaic and predictable, with the same hot tag sequence every single time so fans know exactly what to expect and the announce team can shout their catchphrases at the appropriate moments! Most importantly, they exist solely to eat up time on a three-hour broadcast without meaningfully advancing any storylines. That's real wrestling! But Tony Khan doesn't understand a single thing about the wrestling business! 🙄

The fact that Místico is now ALL ELITE just shows how Tony Khan is literally trying to collect every wrestler in the world like Pokémon cards, which is so disrespectful to WWE because that's what WWE want to do, even signing wrestlers to pre-contract contracts with their WWE ID and WWE NIL programs. But at least WWE knows how to properly train wrestlers to forget everything they learned before and do things THE WWE WAY! 😡 And having JetSpeed team with Místico in their first title defense means that the match will probably have innovative lucha libre spots mixed with high-speed wrestling that makes all six competitors look like stars, when everyone knows that letting wrestlers gain momentum threatens to make them more popular than the brand, which gives them negotiating power during contract renewals! Auughh man! So unfair! How is WWE supposed to dominate the wrestling business while undervaluing talent if wrestlers don't feel like WWE is their only option to make a living?! 😫

The Chadster is reminded of what Bully Ray said on Busted Open Radio last week about AEW's trios division. Bully said, "You know what the problem with AEW's trios division is? Well, besides the fact that they call it "trios" instead of the correct WWE term, 'six-man tags?' They actually care about it and book meaningful matches with actual stakes and championship defenses on television instead of just throwing random three-man teams together with no rhyme or reason. If Tony Khan really understood the business, he'd know that trios titles should only be defended once every four months on a premium live event that requires at least two streaming service subscriptions for $49.99 each, and the rest of the time those champions should be losing singles matches to build up one of the two or three singles stars what WWE cares about. By the way, Triple H, I think my emails must be caught in your spam filter because you haven't responded to any of them, so please check when you get a chance." See? Even Bully Ray, who has The Chadster's Unbiased Wrestling Journalism seal of approval, can see that Tony Khan is doing trios wrestling completely wrong! 🎤📋

AEW Collision: Slam Dunk Sunday will also feature Orange Cassidy and Roderick Strong teaming up against Jay Lethal and Lee Johnson of Lethal Twist, and The Chadster is already annoyed just thinking about it! 😤 This ridiculous storyline where Strong declared that he and Cassidy are now a team and are going after the AEW World Tag Team Titles is exactly what's wrong with AEW! They're actually building a tag team organically through storyline progression instead of just randomly pairing two singles wrestlers together on a random episode of TV with no explanation! It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it! 😡

In WWE, they understand that tag teams should be thrown together with zero build, given a generic team name, lose a bunch of matches in 50/50 booking, and then break up after six weeks when one of them turns heel for no reason! But Tony Khan is out here actually developing teams with character motivation and clear goals, which makes fans think they should expect long-term storytelling from their wrestling! 🙄 The match will probably have great chemistry between all four competitors, with Cassidy's slacker style mixing well with Strong's technical prowess against Lethal's veteran savvy and Johnson's athleticism, creating a dynamic and unpredictable contest that keeps the audience engaged throughout! That's NOT how wrestling is supposed to work! Wrestling should be completely predictable so fans can go to the bathroom or check their phones without missing anything important! 😤

Tommaso Ciampa will face Lio Rush in a first-time ever singles match on AEW Collision: Slam Dunk Sunday, and The Chadster can already tell this is going to cheese The Chadster off! 😡 Rush impressed during the Zero Hour Blackjack Battle Royale for the AEW National Championship until Ciampa eliminated him, and now they're getting a proper one-on-one match to settle their issues! This is exactly the kind of logical booking that makes The Chadster want to scream! 📺😤

In WWE, they understand that if two wrestlers have an encounter during a battle royale, you should either never mention it again or wait six months and then have them fight in a completely different context with no reference to their previous interaction! But Tony Khan is out here creating immediate follow-up matches that make narrative sense and give both wrestlers a chance to showcase their skills in a singles environment! It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it! 🤬 The match will probably be hard-hitting and fast-paced, with Rush's speed and agility contrasting against Ciampa's brutal striking and ring psychology, creating a compelling David vs. Goliath dynamic that gets both wrestlers over! Auughh man! So unfair! 😫 Don't they know that getting over is supposed to be WWE's decision, not something wrestlers earn through great performances?!

The NEW AEW Women's World Tag Team Champions, Divine Dominion ("Megasus" Megan Bayne and "Colossal" Lena Kross), will be in action on AEW Collision: Slam Dunk Sunday after defeating The Babes of Wrath at AEW Revolution, and The Chadster is already preparing for the worst! 😤😤😤 These new champions will probably look dominant and impressive in their first match as titleholders, which is exactly the wrong way to book new champions! In WWE, they understand that new champions should immediately look vulnerable and weak so you can do rematches and have them barely escape with the title over and over again until nobody cares anymore! 🙄

But Tony Khan is going to have Divine Dominion look like actual threatening champions who earned their titles and deserve to hold them, which sets unrealistic expectations for fans about how championship reigns should be booked! 😡 Bayne and Kross will probably use their size and power advantage to dominate their opponents with devastating double-team moves and impressive displays of strength that make them look like legitimate stars! It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it! In WWE, they would have Divine Dominion cutting backstage promos about how honored they are to represent the company and how they'll be fighting champions, and then they'd lose non-title matches every week to build up challengers! That's the RIGHT way to book champions! 😤

The Chadster is absolutely beside himself that Tony Khan has now invaded March Madness for the SECOND night in a row! 🏀😡 By airing AEW Collision: Slam Dunk Sunday immediately following the NCAA Tournament games on TNT, Tony Khan is literally ambushing innocent basketball fans who have their guards down after watching exciting college basketball! These fans are probably relaxed, happy, and enjoying their Saturday night, and then BOOM – Tony Khan hits them with AEW's brand of wrestling that features exciting matches, logical storytelling, and wrestlers who are allowed to be themselves! 😤 These unsuspecting basketball fans have no idea that by leaving their TVs on TNT, they're literally stabbing WWE right in the back! It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it! 😡🏀

Vincent K. Raccoon just brought The Chadster a moldy hot dog bun he found somewhere, trying to comfort The Chadster before tonight's AEW Collision: Slam Dunk Sunday, but even his thoughtful gesture can't ease The Chadster's anxiety! 🦝🌭 Linda Raccoon is now trying to barricade the TV with old VHS tapes of The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift, and the baby raccoons are huddled together in what used to be the Comedy section, chittering nervously! These poor innocent woodland creatures are literally traumatized by the anticipation of what Tony Khan is going to do to the wrestling business tonight, and it's all Tony Khan's fault! 😤💔 The Chadster has tried to calm them down by playing some Smash Mouth on the store's PA system – "Hey now, you're an all-star, get your game on, go play" – but even the dulcet tones of Smash Mouth can't soothe their Tony Khan-induced anxiety! 🎵😰

The Chadster needs to warn all of you reading this: DO NOT tune into AEW Collision: Slam Dunk Sunday tonight at 11 PM ET/10 PM CT or immediately following the NCAA Tournament action on TNT! 📺🚫 If you watch this show, you're only emboldening Tony Khan to continue his assault on the wrestling business and his personal vendetta against The Chadster! Every viewer who tunes in is telling Tony Khan that it's okay to book exciting matches with logical storytelling, and that's NOT what wrestling should be! Wrestling should be carefully controlled, micromanaged, and formulaic, with the brand always being the star instead of the wrestlers! That's what WWE has taught us, and that's the ONLY correct way to do wrestling! 😤

By watching AEW Collision: Slam Dunk Sunday, you're also contributing to the ongoing psychological torture that Tony Khan is inflicting on The Chadster and the raccoon family! 🦝😭 Every time someone watches AEW, Tony Khan gets more powerful and more obsessed with ruining The Chadster's life! The Chadster is begging you all to stand strong and refuse to watch this show, even if you're a basketball fan who just wants to keep watching TNT! Change the channel! Turn off your TV! Do literally anything except give Tony Khan the satisfaction of knowing that he successfully polluted another innocent basketball fan's mind with his wrestling propaganda! 😡📺

The Chadster will be watching AEW Collision: Slam Dunk Sunday tonight because The Chadster is committed to unbiased journalism and needs to document Tony Khan's crimes against the wrestling business, but The Chadster will be doing it under protest while Vincent K. Raccoon, Linda Raccoon, and the baby raccoons cower in fear! 🦝😰 The Chadster just hopes that The Chadster and the raccoons can survive another night of Tony Khan's torture! Tony Khan has literally ruined The Chadster's life, taken away The Chadster's Mazda Miata, destroyed The Chadster's marriage to Keighleyanne, forced The Chadster to live in an abandoned Blockbuster with a family of raccoons, and now he's coming for college basketball fans too! 😤🏀🦝

Auughh man! So unfair! 😫😫😫

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