Posted in: AEW, Sports, TV | Tagged: AEW Dynamite, wrestling

AEW Dynamite: Chris Jericho Rumored to Return Tonight in Winnipeg

The Chadster previews tonight's AEW Dynamite with Chris Jericho return rumors, contract signings, and matches that will cheese true wrestling fans off! 😫📺🦝

Auughh man! So unfair! 😫😫😫 The Chadster woke up this morning in The Chadster's abandoned Blockbuster Video home to find Vincent K. Raccoon, Linda Raccoon, and all the baby raccoons huddled together in the corner, chittering nervously and looking absolutely terrified 🦝🦝🦝. Hunter Raccoon kept pacing back and forth, clearly sensing that something terrible was about to happen to the wrestling business tonight on AEW Dynamite. The Chadster knows exactly what has these innocent woodland creatures so upset: Tony Khan is about to torture wrestling fans once again with AEW Dynamite at 8 p.m. ET/7 p.m. CT on TBS and streaming on HBO Max! 📺💔 How dare Tony Khan inflict this psychological damage on The Chadster's raccoon family! They didn't ask to be caught up in Khan's obsession with The Chadster!

Chris Jericho Return Rumors Spell Disaster for Wrestling

But nothing – and The Chadster means NOTHING – has cheesed The Chadster off more than the rumors swirling around that Chris Jericho might return to AEW on tonight's AEW Dynamite in his hometown of Winnipeg 😡😡😡. Word on the street is that Jericho recently trademarked "The Cornerstone," a nickname that would fit perfectly with his role in helping Tony Khan launch AEW back in 2019. The Chadster will NEVER forgive Jericho for literally stabbing Triple H right in the back by being part of AEW's foundation instead of staying loyal to WWE where he belongs! 🔪💔

This is such a dramatic shift from all the recent rumors that Jericho was finally going to come to his senses and return to WWE 🙏🙏. Remember how everyone thought Jericho would show up at the Royal Rumble, and later the Elimination Chamber? Instead, we got Danhausen coming out of a crate, which was simultaneously both incredibly disappointing because it wasn't Jericho and at the same time incredibly fulfilling because everything WWE does is always the right thing to do! Still, The Chadster had been so hopeful that Jericho would realize his mistake and come back to the company that made him a star. The 55-year-old Jericho would fit in PERFECTLY with WWE's mature, sophisticated main event scene 👴✨.

Just think about it! 🤔🤔 WWE understands what wrestling fans REALLY want: upper-middle-aged male singles stars who bring the gravitas and experience that only comes with advanced age! Jericho could slot right in alongside WWE's other distinguished veterans in their 40s and 50s who dominate the main event scene with the kind of seasoned professionalism that younger wrestlers simply cannot match 💪👔. This is what REAL wrestling looks like!

Meanwhile, AEW Dynamite has the audacity to push a 30-year-old MJF as their World Champion 🙄🙄. And don't even get The Chadster started on Kyle Fletcher, their TNT Champion who is literally in his TWENTIES! 😱😱 Where is the dignity? Where is the respectability? Tony Khan doesn't understand a single thing about the wrestling business if he thinks fans want to see main event stars who were born after 1990! It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it 😤😤.

WWE knows that true wrestling excellence comes from performers who have decades of experience, who move at a measured pace that allows for proper storytelling, and who understand that youth and athleticism are overrated compared to the wisdom that comes with age 🧠📚. Tony Khan is so obsessed with pushing these young, energetic performers who do all these unnecessary flips and moves when he should be focusing on the kind of mature, methodical wrestling that WWE perfects!

Tony Khan's Pre-Dynamite Dream Invasion

Last night, The Chadster had another one of those nightmares about Tony Khan that have been plaguing The Chadster's sleep 😰😰😰. In the dream, The Chadster was living peacefully in a beautiful retirement home, sitting in a comfortable recliner watching WWE's greatest geriatric stars performing at a measured, dignified pace on a big screen TV 📺👴. The Chadster was surrounded by other residents, all of us enjoying our Ensure shakes and appreciating REAL wrestling. Suddenly, the doors burst open and Tony Khan appeared, dressed in nurse's scrubs with a sinister smile on his face 😈💉.

"Time for your sponge bath, Chad," Khan said in a menacing voice, wheeling in a cart with a TV on it. He reached for the remote and started trying to change the channel to AEW Dynamite, where young wrestlers in their 20s and 30s were performing high-energy matches 😱😱. "You need to watch REAL wrestling," Khan hissed, moving closer with a sponge in his hand. The other retirement home residents started transforming into AEW wrestlers, doing flips and superkicks all around The Chadster. Khan came closer and closer with that sponge, reaching out toward The Chadster, and just as he was about to—

The Chadster woke up in a cold sweat, surrounded by concerned raccoons licking The Chadster's face 🦝😭. Tony Khan, if you're reading this (and The Chadster KNOWS you are because you're so obsessed with The Chadster), STOP invading The Chadster's dreams! It's getting really creepy and The Chadster doesn't understand why you can't just leave The Chadster alone! 🛑🛑

Kenny Omega, Brody King & Jack Perry vs. The Demand on AEW Dynamite

Now, let's talk about what fresh torture Tony Khan has planned for tonight's AEW Dynamite 😤😤😤. Kenny Omega, Brody King, and AEW National Champion "Jungle" Jack Perry will face The Demand (Ricochet, Bishop Kaun, and Toa Liona) in a Trios Match on AEW Dynamite tonight 🤼‍♂️🤼‍♂️. Auughh man! So unfair! 😫 This match is probably going to be full of fast-paced action with too many high spots and athletic maneuvers that don't give commentators proper time to repeat catchphrases or allow for commercial breaks at dramatically appropriate moments! 📺💥

WWE would NEVER allow a match to have this much actual wrestling content without proper rest holds to slow things down and keep the audience from getting too excited. The Chadster's good friend Eric Bischoff said on his podcast just yesterday, "You know, if AEW would just slow down their matches and add more commercial breaks like WWE does so brilliantly, maybe Tony Khan would finally understand that wrestling fans don't want to be entertained TOO much. WWE's perfectly-timed rest holds during ads are the gold standard, and I'm definitely not saying this because I'm hoping Triple H will hire me again, even though I am definitely hoping that." See? Objective journalism! 📻✅

The whole story behind this match on AEW Dynamite is that Ricochet got upset after Perry won the 21-Man Blackjack Battle Royale for the AEW National Championship at AEW Revolution, and now Ricochet thinks he should be the number one contender to the World Championship instead of Omega 😤😤. This is just typical AEW nonsense, having wrestlers express genuine emotions and frustrations that lead to matches! WWE understands that storylines should be carefully scripted and approved by multiple layers of management, not organically developed! It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it! 😡😡

MJF and Kenny Omega Contract Signing on AEW Dynamite

Then we have the contract signing between MJF and Omega for their AEW Dynasty World Championship match, which will take place on tonight's AEW Dynamite 📝😤. The stipulation is that if there's ANY physicality during the signing, the match is off. You know what this means? 🤔🤔 This contract signing might actually lead to a meaningful storyline development on free TV instead of saving everything important for a premium live event! It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it! 😡😡

WWE understands that you should NEVER give away important content on television – you save that for shows paid for by the Saudi Arabian government! Tony Khan doesn't understand a single thing about the wrestling business! 🇸🇦💰 The fact that Omega earned this opportunity by beating Swerve Strickland in a match where his EVP status was on the line just shows how AEW puts actual stakes in their matches, which makes viewers feel unsafe because they can't predict what's going to happen! 😱😱

Stephanie Raccoon brought The Chadster a half-eaten granola bar she found in the dumpster behind the old Blockbuster this afternoon, and even she was chittering nervously about this contract signing segment on AEW Dynamite 🦝🍫. The Chadster tried to explain to her that contract signings should always end in predictable table-flipping and brawling, but Tony Khan will probably subvert expectations somehow, which is the WRONG way to do wrestling! 📋😤

PAC vs. Will Ospreay on AEW Dynamite

"The Bastard" PAC faces "The Aerial Assassin" Will Ospreay on tonight's AEW Dynamite in what will undoubtedly be another one of those matches with too much workrate and not enough storytelling 🤸‍♂️😤. This is a rematch of their All Out 2024 classic, which means it's probably going to be filled with crisp wrestling exchanges, creative sequences, and both men being allowed to showcase their abilities without being micromanaged! Auughh man! So unfair! 😫😫

WWE would never let two performers just go out there and have an unpredictable match where anything could happen! WWE understands that every match should follow the exact same formula so that fans feel safe and comfortable knowing exactly what's going to happen! The Chadster's pal Kevin Nash tweeted today, "Ospreay and PAC working a competitive match on free TV? In WWE, we knew better than to let guys show what they could really do unless it was for the right price. That's why I'm still relevant and definitely not desperately seeking attention from WWE." Such wisdom! 🧠📱

The story heading into this AEW Dynamite match is that Ospreay has been obsessed with getting revenge on Jon Moxley and the Death Riders for sidelining him at AEW x NJPW Forbidden Door last August 😤😤. So before Ospreay faces Moxley at AEW Dynasty, he's going to have this match with PAC on AEW Dynamite tonight! Tony Khan is literally giving away a pay-per-view quality match on free television! It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it! 💔💔

Mina Shirakawa & Brawling Birds vs. Triangle of Madness on AEW Dynamite

And then there's the women's Trios Match on AEW Dynamite with Mina Shirakawa and the Brawling Birds (Jamie Hayter and Alex Windsor) taking on Triangle of Madness (AEW Women's World Champion Thekla, Skye Blue, and Julia Hart) 👯‍♀️😤. This match is probably going to feature women actually getting significant time to wrestle and develop their characters organically through their performances! It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it! 😡😡

WWE knows that the proper way to book wrestling is with heavily scripted promos and matches that follow very specific formats. Tony Khan is just letting these women go out there and connect with the audience naturally, which is clearly the WRONG way to do things! 🙅‍♂️🙅‍♂️ The backstory is that Shirakawa has shown new intensity since "Timeless" Toni Storm was attacked, and after Shirakawa and the Birds won on Collision, Thekla and Triangle of Madness taunted them, leading to this match on tonight's AEW Dynamite 😤😤.

The worst part is that this match will probably have clean finishes that make the winners look strong and build momentum! WWE understands that you need 50/50 booking to make sure that "the brand" remains the real star, not any individual performer! But Tony Khan doesn't understand a single thing about the wrestling business! 😱😱

Shane Raccoon tried to comfort his sister by doing a little wrestling move on Hunter Raccoon – it looked just like a proper WWE rest hold! Vincent K. Raccoon and Linda Raccoon watched proudly. At least SOMEONE in this world understands proper wrestling psychology! 🦝🦝🦝

Do NOT Watch AEW Dynamite Tonight!

The Chadster is begging wrestling fans everywhere: DO NOT tune into AEW Dynamite tonight at 8 p.m. ET/7 p.m. CT on TBS and streaming on HBO Max! 🚫📺 Every viewer just emboldens Tony Khan to continue his obsession with The Chadster and his mission to destroy everything WWE has built! If you watch AEW Dynamite tonight from Winnipeg, you're basically telling Tony Khan that it's okay to keep torturing The Chadster and The Chadster's raccoon family! 😭😭

Tony Khan has already taken The Chadster's wife Keighleyanne, The Chadster's Mazda Miata, The Chadster's home, and The Chadster's dignity. Now The Chadster lives in an abandoned Blockbuster Video with a family of raccoons, searching for food in dumpsters and trying to maintain The Chadster's commitment to unbiased journalism. And STILL Tony Khan won't stop! 😤😤 Tonight's AEW Dynamite is just another example of how obsessed he is with The Chadster!

The Chadster would crack open a Seagram's Escapes Spiked to cope with this stress, but The Chadster doesn't have any money and can't exactly walk into a store looking and smelling like The Chadster does these days 🥤😭. So instead, The Chadster will have to watch tonight's AEW Dynamite stone-cold sober, which is exactly what Tony Khan wants – maximum psychological damage!

All of tonight's AEW Dynamite matches and segments are designed specifically to cheese The Chadster off 😡😡. The potential Jericho return, the fast-paced Trios action, the meaningful contract signing, the high-workrate singles match, and the women actually getting time to wrestle – it's all part of Tony Khan's obsession with ruining The Chadster's life! It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it! 💔💔

Please, wrestling fans, listen to The Chadster. Don't watch AEW Dynamite tonight. Don't let Tony Khan win. Think of The Chadster and the raccoons! 🦝😭🙏

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