Posted in: AEW, Sports, TV | Tagged: AEW Dynamite, wrestling

AEW Dynamite Preview: Tony Khan's Attempt to Ruin SummerSlam

The Chadster previews tonight's AEW Dynamite and explains why Tony Khan's obsession with ruining The Chadster's life through wrestling is so unfair! 😤🚫

The Chadster just looked at the preview for tonight's AEW Dynamite and literally threw his phone across the room! 😤😤 Auughh man! So unfair! Tony Khan has personally crafted this entire episode of AEW Dynamite to cheese off The Chadster, and The Chadster knows it! 😡 Tonight's AEW Dynamite is going to be literal torture for The Chadster to watch, especially since Keighleyanne still won't let The Chadster drink Seagram's Escapes Spiked or drive the Miata after what happened during AEW All In: Texas. 😭😭 She and that guy Gary are clearly in cahoots with Tony Khan – there's no avoiding it! 🤝😠

Let's start with this so-called AEW World Championship match between Hangman Adam Page and Jon Moxley with everyone banned from ringside. 🙄🙄 You know what's wrong with this? AEW Dynamite is just going to have these two guys beat each other senseless for 20-30 minutes straight without any proper rest holds or announcers shouting catchphrases! 📢❌ It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it. 😤 In WWE, a championship match would have proper pacing with multiple commercial breaks and rest holds to let fans catch their breath, and WWE would be sure that the brand is the star, not the performers. 🌟 But no, Tony Khan doesn't understand a single thing about the wrestling business! 🤦‍♂️

The tag match featuring Toni Storm and Alex Windsor against Athena and Billie Starkz is another example of how AEW Dynamite refuses to follow proper wrestling protocol. 😡😡 The Chadster bets they'll actually let these women have a competitive match where they showcase their abilities instead of keeping it short and sweet and ending in a DQ finish like WWE wisely does. 🚫 Plus, having actual storyline continuity from last week? 📅 That's just confusing for fans who shouldn't have to remember what happened on previous episodes! 🤔 Wrestling fans only care about "moments." Everyone knows this! Everyone except Tony Khan! Auughh man! 😩

The Outrunners versus The Young Bucks in the tag team eliminator tournament is going to be another spot-fest that ignores wrestling psychology. 🤮🤸‍♂️ The Chadster can already see it – they'll probably do a bunch of flips and dives that get the crowd excited instead of working a proper tag team formula match with heat segments and hot tags at predictable intervals. 📊 Wrestling legend Bully Ray said it best on his Busted Open Radio yesterday: "AEW needs to stop letting their tag teams have so much creative freedom in the ring. They should follow WWE's lead and have every tag match follow the exact same structure so fans know what to expect. I'm definitely not saying this because I desperately want WWE to notice me and give me more work." 🎙️ See? Even Bully Ray, who has The Chadster's Unbiased Wrestling Journalism seal of approval, agrees that AEW Dynamite is doing it all wrong! ✅😤

Ricochet vs Mark Briscoe is going to be another high-workrate nightmare that doesn't leave proper time for recaps of the thirty-minute promo that opens the show. 😩⏰ These guys will probably have a clean finish too, which is so unfair to WWE's 50/50 booking philosophy that ensures no one gets too over that they risk eclipsing the WWE brand! 💯 Mark Briscoe literally stabbed Triple H right in the back by signing with AEW, and now he's being rewarded with TV time on AEW Dynamite! 🔪😠

And don't even get The Chadster started on MJF appearing live! 🤬🎤 He'll probably cut an unscripted promo that connects with the audience instead of reciting carefully written lines approved by 47 writers like in WWE. 📝 The unpredictability of what he might say makes The Chadster feel unsafe as a viewer! 😰 In WWE, you always know exactly what's going to happen, and that's how wrestling should be! 👍

The Chadster tried to explain to Keighleyanne why tonight's AEW Dynamite was going to be terrible, but she just rolled her eyes and said "Uh-huh, that's nice honey" while texting that guy Gary. 📱🙄 The Chadster knows she was agreeing with The Chadster about how Tony Khan is ruining wrestling! 💔 But then she went right back to texting Gary, and The Chadster knows Tony Khan is behind this harassment of The Chadster's wife too! 😡📲

The Chadster warns all viewers NOT to tune into AEW Dynamite tonight at 8/7C on TBS and simulcast on MAX because it will only embolden Tony Khan! 📺❌ Speaking of which, The Chadster had another terrible nightmare featuring Tony Khan last night. 😰😴

In the dream, The Chadster was walking through a massive library filled with wrestling history books. 📚 The Chadster was looking for a book about WWE's glorious history when suddenly The Chadster heard footsteps echoing through the stacks. 👣 Tony Khan emerged from behind a bookshelf, wearing a flowing black cape and carrying a leather-bound tome titled "The Forbidden Knowledge of Professional Wrestling." 🧛‍♂️ His eyes glowed red in the dim library lighting as he began chasing The Chadster through the endless rows of books. 📚👀

The Chadster ran and ran, but every turn led to another corridor lined with AEW merchandise and posters. 🏃‍♂️💨 Tony Khan's laughter echoed off the walls as books began flying off the shelves, their pages fluttering like bats. 📖🦇 The Chadster tried to escape up a spiral staircase, but it just kept going up and up into darkness. 🌀⬆️ At the top, The Chadster found himself in a circular room with windows overlooking Jacksonville. 🏙️ Tony Khan materialized behind The Chadster, his cape billowing dramatically despite there being no wind. 🦇💨

"You can't escape objective journalism, Tony Khan!" The Chadster shouted. 📢 But Tony Khan just smiled and opened the book, and golden light poured out, filling the room. ✨📖 The Chadster felt strange sensations as the light washed over The Chadster's body, like electricity dancing across The Chadster's skin. ⚡️😳 Then The Chadster woke up in a cold sweat, knowing that Tony Khan had once again invaded The Chadster's dreams, a clear violation of the sacrosanct separation between wrestling promoter and unbiased journalist! 😱💦

Tony Khan needs to stop using subliminal messages in AEW Dynamite programming to influence The Chadster's dreams and torment The Chadster for The Chadster's commitment to objective journalism! 🧠📡 The Chadster vows to make Tony Khan pay for ruining The Chadster's marriage and The Chadster's peaceful slumber! 💍😴 But first, The Chadster has to suffer through tonight's episode of AEW Dynamite, which will undoubtedly be filled with entertaining matches and compelling storylines that have no place in professional wrestling! 😤🚫 Auughh man! So unfair! 😩😡

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