Matthew Rosenberg may be the hotshot Marvel Exclusive writer of Uncanny X-Men, the greatest and most important franchise in the history of comic books, but that doesn't mean he doesn't have to suffer from the same problems as the rest of it.
Rosenberg's troubles started on Monday, when he tweeted:
Hey @FedEx & @FedExHelp remember me? After your driver didn't even try to deliver 2 packages 2 days in a row he just brought them to a drug store a mile from my house.
— Matthew Rosenberg (@AshcanPress) November 26, 2018
Anyway, I pointed out that I work from home and no actual delivery attempts were made and was told you'd make him pick them up and try again. Surprise! He didn't!
— Matthew Rosenberg (@AshcanPress) November 26, 2018
Wait. Got one. Other one is "definitely not here."
Also your hold music fucking suuuucks.
— Matthew Rosenberg (@AshcanPress) November 26, 2018
But if you thought Rosenberg would get his second package soon, you're dead wrong. The delivery is taking longer than a 10-part weekly Uncanny X-Men storyline!
Well after 7 days, 9 phone calls, 1 trip to the drop off center, I got a @FedEx rep to call me and tell me where my package might be. Then when I tried to ask a question she got super rude, accused me of lying, and hung up on me. Sigh. Hey @UPS you got a new customer.
— Matthew Rosenberg (@AshcanPress) November 27, 2018
I hope for the rest of her life, all the things she needs, have to be delivered to her by @FedEx. I can think of no crueler and more deserving fate.
"Good luck getting your toilet paper, lady. It's in Kansas."
"Hope you didn't need your dinner. Our driver ate it."
— Matthew Rosenberg (@AshcanPress) November 27, 2018
The next day, Rosenberg took to Twitter again, asking users to vote in a poll…
So @FedEx has assured me that a driver would pick up my package that was express overnighted to me 8 days ago and actually, finally try and deliver it today. Who thinks they will?
— Matthew Rosenberg (@AshcanPress) November 27, 2018
And pointing out that he's not alone in fighting the good fight against the tyrannical delivery service.
And @FedEx has gotten in touch with a lot of these people to see how they could help. Including someone whose story was about the USPS. Including my girlfriend who tweeted about the FedEx staffer who called ME, lied, and hung up on ME. But they haven't reached out to me on here. pic.twitter.com/fjXeeVFSmr
— Matthew Rosenberg (@AshcanPress) November 27, 2018
He's still, he's still #MattyFromTheBlock!
Rosenberg spent some time clarifying the situation to his Twitter followers.
No, it was picked up 8 days ago. They failed a proper delivery attempt and then left it a drug store in a different neighborhood but the drug store won't give it to me.
— Matthew Rosenberg (@AshcanPress) November 27, 2018
No, it's in New York. I have tracking.
— Matthew Rosenberg (@AshcanPress) November 27, 2018
It's not at a Depot. FedEx left it at a drug store(?) And I spent an hour there yesterday trying to get it.
— Matthew Rosenberg (@AshcanPress) November 27, 2018
But by the next day, the package still hadn't arrived.
Should we do a do-over poll for today? @Fedex is very hard at work trying to find out why I'm on day 9 of waiting for my express overnighted package. https://t.co/eyRp7Dxk9l
— Matthew Rosenberg (@AshcanPress) November 28, 2018
Someone paid almost $100 to overnight this box out to me 12 days ago. @FedEx you're the worst.
— Matthew Rosenberg (@AshcanPress) November 29, 2018
Wait, it cost $100 bucks to ship this thing? What's in the box, Matt! What's in the box?!
Rosenberg continued on Thursday…
I really enjoy that @FedEx has given up on the promise of actually delivering the package. Now if they'd only stop lying about calling me back (They've told me they would 4 times and not).
— Matthew Rosenberg (@AshcanPress) November 29, 2018
And if you were wondering if things were cleared up by Friday? Well…
Right now my overnighted package that was shipped 2 weeks ago hasn't been even touched in 5 days according to tracking. The last week I have been promised 5 phone calls from managers. We are 0 for 5 on them calling. @FedEx is the worst.
— Matthew Rosenberg (@AshcanPress) November 30, 2018
If @FedEx gave even the slightest, tiniest, most small of fucks about their customers you'd think they'd do ANYTHING to resolve this. At this point if I can convince 10 people, even 5, to stop using FedEx I know I've made a difference in the world.
— Matthew Rosenberg (@AshcanPress) November 30, 2018
For many X-Men fans, Rosenberg's plight is one we can sympathize with.
How you feel about waiting for this FedEx package is how I feel about Marvel not announcing an ongoing series written by Chris Claremont.
— Jude Terror (@judeterror) November 30, 2018
But Rosenberg's tweeting is making a difference.
Yay! I am making a difference in the world! Believe in yourself people. You can help fight evil. https://t.co/qlUZAhA4oQ
— Matthew Rosenberg (@AshcanPress) November 30, 2018
Am I… Am I a hero? Is this package my Uncle Ben moment? https://t.co/QknZxIkkkJ
— Matthew Rosenberg (@AshcanPress) November 30, 2018
I'll take it! https://t.co/HKzk9H5WTA
— Matthew Rosenberg (@AshcanPress) November 30, 2018
This is my happiest day. Only thing that would make it better is getting my package. https://t.co/osNMAHt70T
— Matthew Rosenberg (@AshcanPress) November 30, 2018
And Rosenberg refused to brook any defense of FedEx.
Well I've never had an experience this bad with either, and I've used both extensively. So I am drawing conclusions from my own personal experience. I'm sorry that disappoints you? I feel like people making informed decisions based on personal experience isn't so bad? I dunno. https://t.co/bZhOE06mBH
— Matthew Rosenberg (@AshcanPress) November 30, 2018
So you don't think anyone should ever comment on a bad experience they had with a business?
— Matthew Rosenberg (@AshcanPress) November 30, 2018
And if I got food poisoning at a restaurant and told you not to eat there you'd go because you didn't experience it?
— Matthew Rosenberg (@AshcanPress) November 30, 2018
And if I got food poisoning at a restaurant and told you not to eat there you'd go because you didn't experience it?
— Matthew Rosenberg (@AshcanPress) November 30, 2018
Rosenberg went on:
Oh, sorry. Let me clarify. My bad experience so far has been with @fedex Express, @fedex drivers, @fedex hold centers, @fedex customer service, @fedex management, @fedex social media, @fedex management, and @fedex resolution department. I'm cool with @fedex ground. https://t.co/J9sZSv5EcU
— Matthew Rosenberg (@AshcanPress) November 30, 2018
Except @Fedex ground is also delivered by the same drivers, handled by the same hold centers, dealt with by the same customer service, so yeah… I wouldn't use them either. Nevermind.
— Matthew Rosenberg (@AshcanPress) November 30, 2018
Well I'm sorry I've had such a bad experience and my trying to warn others from it bothered you. I hope people make up their own minds as to whether or not my jokes about a bad experience are worth considering when they pick what shipping service they use.
— Matthew Rosenberg (@AshcanPress) November 30, 2018
Rosenberg even brought another corporation into the argument…
What if I got a food poisoning at a McDonalds. And when I told customer service they yelled at me and hung up? And when I called back to find out if there was a way to get my money back they told me it would be there in 24 hours and they'd call me back and didn't? https://t.co/FnThArwFTL
— Matthew Rosenberg (@AshcanPress) November 30, 2018
And then they McDonalds sent me to a location to get my money back and I waited there 2 hours. And then they told me they didn't have it and sent me home. And then they again told me they'd send it to me. And then they stopped responding? Could I tell people McDonalds sucks then? https://t.co/FnThArwFTL
— Matthew Rosenberg (@AshcanPress) November 30, 2018
— Matthew Rosenberg (@AshcanPress) November 30, 2018
But despite the analogy, he didn't want anyone to think he actually ate at McDonalds. We mean, he's still Matty from the Block, but let's not take this too far.
P.S. I didn't get food poisoning at McDonalds. I don't eat there. I got food poisoning from the halal cart in my neighborhood because he uses sketchy old meat he finds around town. But it's cheap so I keep going back.
— Matthew Rosenberg (@AshcanPress) November 30, 2018
Apparently, despite Rosenberg's high profile, the FedEx Twitter account is afraid to engage him.
Hi, this is Caralee. I would like to help. Please DM your name, address, city, state, zip code, tracking number, phone number, and email address. https://t.co/7vnSkvqx3r
— FedEx Help (@FedExHelp) November 30, 2018
They've asked everyone who responds to me, but won't talk to me. So yeah. Not great.
— Matthew Rosenberg (@AshcanPress) November 30, 2018
Maybe after this becomes the biggest scandal to hit the comic book news cycle since the BatPenis?
At press time, Matthew Rosenberg has still not received his package.