Posted in: Movies, News With Benefits, Satire | Tagged: dceu, HRL, justice league, puffinbottoms, Release the Snyder Cut!, Warner Bros, zack snyder

Scientists Discover Massive Hidden Ancient Mayan Ruins; Still No Sign of Justice League Snyder Cut

Published Sat, 03 Feb 2018 16:15:08 -0600

by Jude Terror

Last updated Sat, 02 Nov 2019 08:39:10 -0500

Comments

In a shocking archaeological discovery the likes of which hasn't been seen in a long time, scientists have found more than 60,000 ancient Mayan structures hidden in the jungles of Guatemala. According to a report from the failing New York Times, scientists discovered the ruins by beaming lasers down at the jungle from the air. In addition to pyramids and temples, scientists also discovered homes, tombs, and a series of interconnected highways that showed a previously unexpected level of advancement for the civilization.

You can read all about that boring stuff at the New York Times. However, the status of one prized artifact, a symbol of hope that could change the course of cinematic history, remains unknown. For more on whether or not these ruins could contain the Zack Snyder cut of Justice League, Bleeding Cool spoke to a leading expert in the field of Snarkaeology, Professor Thaddeus T. Puffinbottoms.

"Unfortunately, despite hopes that the Snyder Cut, which is a totally real thing that definitely exists, might be hidden amongst these ancient ruins, perhaps at the center of a large pyramid guarded by booby traps and the souls of dead Mayan warriors, scientists haven't been able to locate any trace of it," Puffinbottoms reported.

"A lot of hardcore fans of Zack Snyder, known colloquially as Snyderbronies, thought this might be the best shot of recovering the legendary cut of Justice League which restores Zack Snyder's vision," Puffinbottoms explained. "Unfortunately, while it was as sound a theory backed by scientific evidence as all of the other theories about the cut's existence posted on the Snyder Cut website, it seems that the Snyder Cut is not hidden in Mayan ruins after all."

So if not there, then where? We know the Snyder Cut exists. We have to believe it, or what meaning would life possibly hold? The only remaining solution, it seems, is to get a laser-equipped aircraft and fly it repeatedly over Warner Bros.'s Burbank headquarters, scanning the compound until the Snyder Cut is found.