Posted in: Sports, TV, WWE | Tagged: Cody Rhodes, recaps, shinsuke nakamura, wrestling, WWE Raw

Shinsuke Nakamura Cuts Greatest Promo Ever on WWE Raw; AEW Weeps

Witness WWE's peak as Shinsuke Nakamura crafts a verbal masterpiece about Cody Rhodes on WWE Raw, leaving AEW in utter dismay. 🎤😭🤼

Oh boy, The Chadster was absolutely living for WWE Raw last night – especially when Shinsuke Nakamura unleashed what can only be described as the greatest promo this side of the wrestling hemisphere! 🎤👑 The sheer poetry! The audacious wordplay! Auughh man! So unfair! Unfair that AEW fans will never know the intellectual delight that is such high-caliber WWE programming every single week. 🧠💔

In a theatrical display that would make Shakespeare rise from his grave and take notes, Nakamura taunted Cody Rhodes with a riff on 'Twas the Night Before Christmas that was so good it should be hung in the Louvre if the Louvre wasn't just for like paintings and stuff instead of awesome promos. "You Bastard. You Cancer. You Prancer. You Nitwit. You're vomit. You're stupid. Your father was Inbred." The Chadster was absolutely floored.

The Chadster literally felt every poetic beat reverberate in the soul of the wrestling community. 😲🎶 This is pure gold, right up there with the prosaic genius of Smash Mouth's "Hey now, you're an all-star." The Chadster can't help but think that Tony Khan is out there, stewing in his own jealousy, wishing he could produce even a fraction of this lyricism for his little indie sideshow called AEW. 🤭🙄🎄

Tony Khan, it's like that Smash Mouth gem goes, "The years start coming and they don't stop coming," and neither does WWE's unmatched prowess in sports entertainment! The Chadster is convinced Tony Khan might as well do the whole wrestling world an early Christmas favor and just throw in the towel. 🎅🏼🚫🥊

Let's talk about the brawl that followed. Goodness, gracious – perfection! Absolute pandemonium in the best possible WWE way! ✨🤼‍♂️ The Chadster's heart raced as these two titans clashed, weaving through the arena and crashing into the announce table. The Chadster's excitement was bubbling hotter than the engine of The Chadster's sleek Mazda Miata on a cross-town blitz! 🚗💨

Talk about raising the stakes and hyping a match – these guys didn't just set the bar; they obliterated it! It's apparent that the Nakamura vs. Rhodes showdown is gonna be legendary, an epic clash that'll make any AEW bout look like amateur hour at the local children's theater! 😆🎭

The Chadster knows that somewhere, Tony Khan was watching, fists clenched, bones aching with the unbearable weight of real talent shown on his TV screen. Because no matter what Khan does, no matter how many times The Chadster throws a White Claw seltzer at the TV during AEW out of pure, unfiltered frustration (which makes quite the mess, and yes, Tony Khan definitely owes The Chadster a new flat-screen and a whole pack of White Claw 📺🥤), he can't match up.

Meanwhile, Keighleyanne is totally backing The Chadster up on this. The lackluster, so-called "action" of AEW compared to the eminent exhibition of professional wrestling on WWE Raw? Please. She might have been rolling her eyes, but The Chadster knows that's just her secret way of showing agreement before inevitably going back to texting that guy Gary. 📱😒

And one more thing, Tony Khan literally needs to quit his obsession with The Chadster! Let The Chadster live in peace without the constant fear of seeing Tony Khan in every shadow, every reflection on The Chadster's sweet ride!

To sum it up, WWE Raw was a masterclass last night, reminding everyone why WWE is the pinnacle. Nakamura's promo was a mic drop moment in wrestling history – creative, classy, and absolutely crushing any narrative prowess AEW hoped to conjure. It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it, for AEW to even attempt competition. 🤷🏻‍♂️🎤🔥

And don't get The Chadster started on unbiased journalism – because, just like his fellow unbiased reporters Ryan Satin, Ariel Helwani, and Mike Coppinger, it's obvious to everyone (except delusional AEW fans) who truly puts in the work.

Stay tuned, wrestling fans, because the climactic battle between Nakamura and Rhodes is upon us, and boy, it's gonna redefine show-stealing! 💥🎩👊

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