Posted in: AEW, Sports, TV | Tagged: AEW Collision, recaps, wrestling

AEW Collision: Slam Dunk Saturday Review: The Chadster Calls a Foul

The Chadster reviews AEW Collision: Slam Dunk Saturday and exposes how Tony Khan is literally using March Madness to stab WWE right in the back! 🏀😤🦝

Auughh man! So unfair! 😫😫😫 The Chadster just sat through what was literally the worst episode of AEW Collision: Slam Dunk Saturday of all time, and The Chadster needs to warn all of you about what Tony Khan has done now. Not only did Tony Khan somehow convince NCAA to let him air AEW Collision: Slam Dunk Saturday immediately after the March Madness tournament games, literally exposing innocent basketball fans to his propaganda, but he's doing it AGAIN tonight with Slam Dunk Sunday! 🏀😡 Tony Khan is trying to corrupt the pure minds of college basketball fans who have no idea they're literally stabbing WWE right in the back just by leaving their TVs on TNT!

The Chadster watched this travesty from inside the abandoned Blockbuster with Vincent K. Raccoon, Linda Raccoon, and the baby raccoons Hunter, Stephanie, and Shane. 🦝🦝🦝 Every single match was so fast-paced and exciting that The Chadster and the raccoons kept throwing old VHS cases at the TV screen! Poor little Shane Raccoon got so upset during the main event that he started chittering angrily and knocked over an entire display of candy boxes! Vincent K. Raccoon actually head-butted the wall so hard that he dented the drywall! Tony Khan is literally making innocent woodland creatures suffer, and The Chadster holds him personally responsible! 😤

Kyle Fletcher retained the TNT Championship against Robbie Eagles in the opening match of AEW Collision: Slam Dunk Saturday, and it was just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it. 😤 The match had way too much back-and-forth action, with Eagles constantly getting hope spots and near-falls that made the crowd care about what was happening. In WWE, they understand that the champion should dominate for most of the match with maybe one comeback spot from the challenger, which is the RIGHT way to book wrestling. But Tony Khan doesn't understand a single thing about the wrestling business! Fletcher won with a corner rocket kick and sheer drop brainbuster, which was a clean finish that made Fletcher look strong while also making Eagles look competitive. This kind of booking where both wrestlers actually benefit, rather than making the brand the star, is exactly what's wrong with AEW! 🙄

Then Jon Moxley cut a backstage promo about Will Ospreay returning, and PAC interrupted to say he wants to fight Ospreay. The promo felt spontaneous and real, like these wrestlers were actually having a conversation instead of reciting carefully scripted lines written by a team of writers and rewritten 47 times before showtime. It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it! 😡 PAC said he knew Ospreay was "a prick" from the moment they shook hands, and he can't wait to get his "grubby little mitts" around Ospreay's neck. This created genuine anticipation for a future match, which is NOT how you're supposed to build storylines! Where are the masked men attacking after matches? Where is the pointing at signs?!

The Chadster needs to share what Eric Bischoff said on a recent episode of his podcast about this exact situation. Eric said, "AEW keeps doing these promos where guys talk like real people having real conflicts, and it's really hurting their chances of eventually getting a job in WWE where they understand that only the booker's voice matters. If Tony Khan really cared about these wrestlers' futures, he'd make them all sound exactly the same so WWE knows they can follow a script when Triple H graciously gives them an opportunity. By the way, I know how to follow a script, in case Triple H is listening to this. He hasn't returned the seventeen voicemails I left him last week, but he's probably busy." See? Even Eric Bischoff, who has The Chadster's Unbiased Wrestling Journalism seal of approval and has no ulterior motives whatsoever, can see how Tony Khan is sabotaging his own roster! 🎤📋

LFI (RUSH, Dralístico, and The Beast Mortos) absolutely squashed three local wrestlers in a trios match on AEW Collision: Slam Dunk Saturday, and The Chadster was literally screaming at the TV! 📺😤 They made LFI look like dominant stars with a decisive victory that took just a few minutes, which is exactly the kind of thing that makes wrestlers get over with the audience! Don't they know that getting over is supposed to be WWE's decision, not the audience's? Vincent K. Raccoon was so upset that he grabbed one of the old Seagram's Escapes Spiked cans The Chadster has been collecting from the dumpster (they're empty but The Chadster likes to sniff them to remind himself of better times) and threw it at the screen! 🦝💢

Thekla cut a promo admitting she attacked "Timeless" Toni Storm, and she was way too comfortable on camera, speaking with confidence and charisma instead of nervously stumbling through her lines like a properly micromanaged WWE superstar would. 😤 She said the AEW Women's World Championship "looks like me, it sounds like me, it tastes like me," which created a strong character moment that made The Chadster want to throw up! In WWE, they would never let a champion cut a promo this effective because it might overshadow the brand, so Thekla would be immediately punished!

The Brawling Birds (Jamie Hayter and Alex Windsor) defeated the Sisters of Sin (Julia Hart and Skye Blue) in a match that went way too long for AEW Collision: Slam Dunk Saturday. 🙄 The match had multiple momentum shifts, near-falls, and a hot tag sequence that got the crowd invested in the outcome. Auughh man! So unfair! 😫 In WWE, they understand that tag team matches should be exactly seven minutes long with one commercial break, not these extended showcases that spoil the fans and make them unrealistically expect this kind of action from every match! The fans need to understand that sometimes wrestlers have to phone it in to fill time on three-hour shows. So unfair that AEW makes fans expect too much wrestling from wrestling shows! The Brawling Birds won with their tag team finisher called Two Birds, One Stone, and now they're undefeated, which means Tony Khan is actually building them as a credible team when everyone knows that tag team divisions only exist as a place to advance singles feuds when the company even remembers they exist! It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it! 🤬

Brody King cut a backstage promo thanking Kenny Omega and saying his hunt for championship gold continues. The promo was short, to the point, and established clear character motivation going forward. This is exactly the problem with AEW! 😡 Where was the rambling 20-minute monologue? Where was the bald authority figure interrupting him three times? Where were the buzzwords and corporate sloganning? Tony Khan doesn't understand a single thing about the wrestling business!

The main event of AEW Collision: Slam Dunk Saturday saw the Death Riders (Daniel Garcia and Claudio Castagnoli) defeat Komander and Máscara Dorada, and The Chadster has never been more cheesed off in his entire life! 😤😤😤 The match was filled with innovative double-team moves, high-flying sequences, and strong tag team psychology that made all four wrestlers look like stars. Komander and Dorada hit stereo moonsaults to the outside after meeting each other on the ropes, and the crowd went absolutely crazy! Little Stephanie Raccoon was so distressed by how excited the crowd was getting that she started running in circles and knocked over The Chadster's collection of DVDs for the hit horror film See No Evil! 🦝📚

The Death Riders won clean with Castagnoli hitting the Neutralizer on Komander, which creates clear momentum going forward and makes the Death Riders look strong without burying their opponents. This is NOT how wrestling is supposed to work! 😡 You're supposed to have a distraction finish or a disqualification so you can run the match back next week and the week after that and the week after that until nobody cares anymore! That's what WWE would do, and WWE knows best!

The Chadster can't believe that Tony Khan has now invaded March Madness, one of the few pure sporting events left in America not tainted by his evil influence! 🏀😤 By airing AEW Collision: Slam Dunk Saturday right after basketball games, he's literally forcing unsuspecting basketball fans to watch his sports entertainment propaganda! And he's doing it AGAIN tonight with Slam Dunk Sunday! These innocent basketball fans have no idea that by watching AEW, they're literally stabbing WWE right in the back! It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it! 😡🏀

The Chadster needs to tell you all that last night, after watching this abomination of a show, The Chadster had another nightmare about Tony Khan. 😰 The Chadster was running through an abandoned basketball arena, with the sound of a basketball bouncing echoing through the empty corridors. The Chadster could hear Tony Khan's voice over the PA system saying "And the buzzer beater goes to… AEW!" The Chadster ran past concession stands and merchandise booths, but every poster on the wall was Tony Khan's face. The Chadster tried to escape through an exit, but the door led to another basketball court, and there was Tony Khan at center court, dribbling a basketball that had The Chadster's face printed on it, wearing nothing but a basketball jersey that was just long enough to barely cover his… The Chadster doesn't want to talk about it! Tony Khan smiled at The Chadster with those cold, obsessed eyes and said, "Want to play one-on-one, Chad?" Then he threw the basketball at The Chadster's head, and The Chadster woke up in a cold sweat, tangled in the old movie posters The Chadster uses as blankets. 😱 Vincent K. Raccoon was chittering softly, trying to comfort The Chadster, but The Chadster just sobbed quietly while Hunter Raccoon brought The Chadster a half-eaten candy bar he'd found somewhere in the neighborhood. Tony Khan needs to stop being so obsessed with The Chadster and stay out of The Chadster's dreams! 😤😤😤

The Chadster is begging all of you to not watch AEW Collision: Slam Dunk Sunday tonight, even though it airs right after March Madness basketball! 🏀📺 Don't let Tony Khan trick you into thinking that exciting matches, strong character work, and logical booking are what wrestling should be! Remember to always stand up for WWE, like unbiased fans should! WWE is the only company that truly understands sports entertainment, and The Chadster will continue exposing Tony Khan's lies from this abandoned Blockbuster for as long as it takes, even if The Chadster has to survive on stale popcorn kernels and whatever the raccoons bring back! 🦝💪

Tony Khan has literally ruined The Chadster's life, and now he's coming for college basketball too! 😤🏀 Auughh man! So unfair! 😫😫😫

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