Posted in: Sports, TV, WWE | Tagged: recaps, wrestling, WWE Saturday Night's Main Event

WWE Saturday Night's Main Event Review: WWE DESTROYS AEW Again

The Chadster reviews WWE Saturday Night's Main Event, a masterpiece that has Tony Khan crying into his pillow! The show that PROVES WWE is the only real wrestling company! 🍹

Last night, WWE Saturday Night's Main Event absolutely proved why WWE is the pinnacle of professional wrestling entertainment, and The Chadster couldn't be more thrilled! 🥰 This show was so amazing that it literally made The Chadster cry tears of joy while sipping a refreshing White Claw seltzer. 🍹 Meanwhile, Tony Khan was probably crying tears of jealousy at how perfectly Triple H booked this nostalgia-filled spectacle!

WWE Saturday Night's Main Event Unbiased Recap

Opening and First Match: Pure WWE Excellence 🔥

WWE Saturday Night's Main Event kicked off with an incredible nostalgic opening featuring the classic look that reminded The Chadster of the good old days of wrestling, when AEW didn't exist. 👴 Having Jesse Ventura on commentary was a stroke of genius that Tony Khan could never come up with because he doesn't understand a single thing about the wrestling business and probably doesn't even have Jesse's phone number! 😤

The opening match saw CM Punk and Sami Zayn taking on Seth Rollins and Bron Breakker with Paul Heyman in their corner. Seth and Bron won after Bronson Reed made a surprise appearance and absolutely destroyed Punk! 💪 This is exactly how tag team wrestling should be – with interference, surprise attacks, and proper WWE-style booking that respects the business! When AEW does tag matches with actual tag team wrestling and clean endings, it's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it. 😠

Women's United States Championship: Better Than Any Women's Match in AEW 👑

Zelina Vega defended her Women's United States Championship against Chelsea Green in a match that was approximately one zillion times better than anything the women in AEW could ever hope to accomplish. 💅 Chelsea looked absolutely patriotic in her red, white, and blue attire, proving that WWE knows how to present wrestling properly, with holiday-themed ring gear. Unlike AEW which will probably feature wrestlers wearing regular colors. Zelina retained her title after a Code Red off the middle rope. Tony Khan wishes his women's division had half the presentation of WWE's! Auughh man! So unfair! 😫

John Cena Shows What a Real Heel Turn Looks Like 👊

John Cena faced R-Truth in a match that demonstrated perfect WWE storytelling. Truth came out mimicking Cena's old moves and attire, but Cena showed his new heel persona by nearly hitting Truth with his championship belt before changing his mind, delivering a low blow, and hitting the AA for the win. 🏆 After the match, Cena hit Truth with the belt anyway! This is how you book a proper heel – something Tony Khan couldn't understand if The Chadster wrote him a 500-page instruction manual (not that he would need to — it just needs to say "watch WWE")! 📚

Steel Cage Match: Perfect WWE Violence 🔒

The steel cage match between Damian Priest and Drew McIntyre was absolutely brutal in the best and most sanitized possible WWE way. 💯 They used chairs, bashed each other into the cage, and Priest ultimately won by escaping the cage door after destroying Drew with the Conchairto! This is how you do hardcore wrestling – with purpose and storytelling – not like those garbage blood and guts death matches AEW puts on that literally stab Triple H right in the back! 🔪

World Heavyweight Championship Main Event: Perfect WWE Booking 👑

Jey Uso defended his World Heavyweight Championship against Logan Paul in a match that showed why WWE's manosphere youtuber integration is unmatched in the industry. 🌟 The match featured Cena interfering to help Logan, but then Cody Rhodes made the save! Jey hit the Uso Splash for the win, and Cody challenged Cena and Logan to a tag match at Money in the Bank! That's how you build to a PPV, Tony Khan! 📝

Last night, The Chadster had another terrifying nightmare about Tony Khan, and The Chadster thinks it was definitely inspired by WWE Saturday Night's Main Event. 😰 In The Chadster's dream, The Chadster was inside the steel cage from the Priest vs. McIntyre match, but the door wouldn't open. 🔒 Suddenly, Tony Khan appeared on the other side wearing Jesse Ventura's feather boa and hat, laughing maniacally. 😱

As The Chadster tried to climb out, Tony kept throwing White Claws at The Chadster, making The Chadster slip back down. "Your precious WWE Saturday Night's Main Event can't save you now, Chad!" Tony Khan taunted, his voice echoing throughout the arena. 📢 Then, Tony Khan started climbing up the outside of the cage, his eyes gleaming with that look he gets when he's about to book another ridiculous hardcore match. 🔥

Just as Tony Khan reached the top of the cage, he pulled out a contract and whispered, "I'm signing another ex-WWE star, and there's nothing you can do about it." 📝 The Chadster woke up in a cold sweat, knocking over The Chadster's White Claw all over the bed (The Chadster did not wet the bed, no matter what anyone says). Keighleyanne was not pleased and immediately went back to texting that guy Gary instead of helping The Chadster change the sheets. 📱 Tony Khan, please stop invading The Chadster's dreams! This obsession you have with The Chadster has gone too far! 😡

Overall, WWE Saturday Night's Main Event was a perfect 10/10 show that proved WWE is the only real professional wrestling company in the world. 🌎 The nostalgia elements were incorporated perfectly, the matches were booked exactly how wrestling should be booked, and the stories all made sense in that special WWE way.

Meanwhile, AEW continues to cheese The Chadster off with their ridiculous "wrestling-focused" shows that don't understand the first thing about sports entertainment. When AEW tries to do special episodes, they just throw random matches together without the brilliant storytelling that WWE Saturday Night's Main Event demonstrated. It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it! 😤

The Chadster would rate this show a perfect five White Claws out of five! 🍹🍹🍹🍹🍹 Triple H, The Chadster salutes you! 🫡

As Eric Bischoff said on his latest podcast, "WWE's presentation on Saturday Night's Main Event is like watching a real sports presentation, while AEW looks like kids playing in their backyard with a camera." So true, Eric! That's why you have The Chad McMahon Unbiased Wrestling Journalism seal of approval! 🏅

Now if you'll excuse The Chadster, The Chadster needs to go polish his Mazda Miata while blasting "All Star" by Smash Mouth to celebrate this WWE victory over Tony Khan's inferior product. Hey now, you're an all-star, get your game on, go play! 🚗🎵

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