Posted in: Sports, TV, WWE | Tagged: recaps, wrestling, wwe smackdown

WWE SmackDown Review: Drew McIntyre Wins Title in Brilliant Finish

The Chadster reviews WWE SmackDown's perfect episode! Drew McIntyre wins the title in the most logical finish ever! Tony Khan could never book this! 🦝📺

Auughh man! So unfair! 😤😤😤 The Chadster has to tell you all about last night's absolutely perfect episode of WWE SmackDown, and The Chadster just knows that Tony Khan was probably watching from his palatial mansion, seething with jealousy at how Triple H understands the wrestling business in ways Khan never could! 📺✨

Last night's WWE SmackDown from Berlin, Germany was exactly what wrestling fans need: predictable, comforting, and completely safe! 🇩🇪🎉 The Chadster watched it from his cozy nest in the abandoned Blockbuster with Vincent K. Raccoon, Linda Raccoon, and the little ones – Hunter Raccoon, Stephanie Raccoon, and Shane Raccoon – all cuddled up around The Chadster on the old furniture. Vincent K. Raccoon brought The Chadster half of a perfectly good Hot Pocket he found behind the dumpster at 7-Eleven, and the whole family chittered appreciatively as WWE SmackDown started! 🦝❤️

The opening segment with Randy Orton and Trick Williams was absolutely magnificent in how it followed WWE's time-tested formula! 👏👏 Williams came out, they did some talking, and then someone got RKO'd (in this case, The Miz)! That's the WWE way – no surprises, no unnecessary creativity, just the same reliable beats that make The Chadster feel warm and fuzzy inside! This is real sports entertainment, not like that chaotic mess Tony Khan books where anything can happen and The Chadster never knows what's coming next! 😰

Rey Fenix versus Trick Williams was a masterclass in how WWE SmackDown presents wrestling! The Chadster absolutely loved how Williams won by grabbing the tights – that's the kind of protected finish that lets both wrestlers look strong in the 50/50 booking style that WWE perfected! Stephanie Raccoon chittered excitedly and did a little spin when Williams got the victory! 🦝💫 Tony Khan would never understand that fans don't want clean finishes – they want the comfort of knowing that nobody really wins or loses definitively!

The Giulia versus Alexa Bliss match for the Women's US Title was everything The Chadster loves about WWE SmackDown! 👸💪 Giulia retained after Lash Legend interfered, which is the WWE formula at its finest! Why have a clean finish when you can stretch things out for weeks and weeks? The Chadster tried to explain this brilliant strategy to Linda Raccoon, who was grooming Hunter Raccoon's fur, and she chittered in what The Chadster is absolutely certain was complete agreement! 🦝✨

The Wyatt Sicks losing to Solo Sikoa and the MFT's was more brilliant WWE SmackDown booking! 💪👻 The Tag Team Champions lost in a non-title match, which is the perfect WWE formula! It sets up a title match where the champions will probably retain anyway, stretching the feud out for another month or two! That's the 50/50 booking style that makes every match feel exactly the same, which is what The Chadster craves! Vincent K. Raccoon brought The Chadster a shiny bottle cap during this match, which The Chadster has added to the growing collection of treasures the raccoons have been gifting The Chadster! 🦝✨

The Jordynne Grace squash match against Alba Fyre lasting less than three minutes was pure genius! 😍😍 Triple H knows that fans don't want to see two wrestlers get equal time to show what they can do – they want decisive, quick matches that establish someone is dominant without all that pesky back-and-forth action!

Then Jade Cargill came out to talk, and The Chadster just knows this will lead to the same match being run several more times on WWE SmackDown! That's the beautiful consistency WWE fans crave!

Carmelo Hayes defending the US Title against Shinsuke Nakamura was absolutely breathtaking! 🏆✨ The Chadster particularly loved how Hayes sold the leg injury for a while but then just did all his high-flying moves anyway! That's the WWE style – selling is for people who take wrestling too seriously, like those AEW wrestlers who Tony Khan has literally brainwashed into thinking psychology matters! The match had two commercial breaks, which gave The Chadster time to share some delicious dumpster pizza crusts with the raccoon family! Vincent K. Raccoon seemed particularly proud of this find! 🦝🍕

But the main event! Auughh man! So unfair that The Chadster has to explain how brilliant this booking was! 🤯🤯🤯 Drew McIntyre defeating Cody Rhodes in Three Stages of Hell to win the WWE SmackDown World Title was absolutely perfect! The whole raccoon family gathered close for this one, with all five of them sitting in a row on the ratty couch cushions, their little eyes glued to the screen! 📺🦝

The Chadster needs to stress this: it made COMPLETE sense for Rhodes to attack Jacob Fatu when Fatu showed up in the hoodie! 👍👍👍 Yes, Fatu had attacked Rhodes' opponent, and Rhodes could have simply left the ring and kept his title, but by Rhodes fighting back against this mystery attacker while leaving his actual opponent unattended, it allowed McIntyre to escape the cage and win the title! That's just smart babyface character work by Rhodes. Triple H is playing 4D chess that Tony Khan could never comprehend! 🧠♟️

The Chadster loved how this made Rhodes look like a complete fool who cost himself the championship! That's the WWE style – make your top babyface champion look like an idiot who can't control his emotions! Shane Raccoon actually stood up on his hind legs and did a little excited dance when McIntyre won, and Hunter Raccoon chittered so loud that The Chadster worried the Blockbuster's windows would rattle! 🦝🎊

This is exactly the kind of booking that WWE SmackDown excels at – taking your most popular star and having him lose the title in a way that makes him seem incompetent! Tony Khan would never do this because he doesn't understand that fans actually WANT their heroes to look stupid! It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it when AEW books babyfaces to look smart and capable! 😤😤

The Chadster also needs to praise how WWE SmackDown announced all those qualifying matches for next week, with the winners getting into a fatal four-way at Saturday Night's Main event to determine who will challenge Drew McIntyre for the WWE Championship at the Royal Rumble premium life event! 📋✨ Miz vs. Randy Orton, Matt Cardona vs. Trick Williams, Damian Priest vs. Solo Sikoa, and Sami Zayn vs. Ilja Dragunov! It's a veritable who's who of people who at best, if they do beat McIntyre, will hold the title until Cody Rhodes or Roman Reigns, one of whom is going to win the men's Royal Rumble match, wins it back! The Chadster feels so safe knowing exactly what's coming! Tony Khan sometimes has matches just HAPPEN on AEW programming because they meaningfully advance storylines rather than filling time until WWE can program its next WrestleMania "moment," and it's literally given The Chadster heart palpitations! 💔😰

Speaking of Tony Khan, The Chadster needs to address something that happened earlier this week. 😠😠 The Chadster was scavenging for supplies near the old shopping center when The Chadster saw Tony Khan's reflection in the window of a GameStop! He was standing right behind The Chadster, holding what looked like a WWE SmackDown DVD case, and he was BREAKING IT IN HALF while staring at The Chadster with those cold, obsessed eyes! 👀💿

The Chadster spun around, but Khan had vanished! When The Chadster looked back at the window, there was just The Chadster's own disheveled reflection – The Chadster really needs to find a way to shower, but the YMCA keeps calling the police when The Chadster tries to sneak in. 🚿😢 The Chadster KNOWS it was really Khan though! He's probably installed cameras all over Punxsutawney to monitor The Chadster's movements! Why is Tony Khan so obsessed with The Chadster?! 📹😱

The Chadster must also praise how Joe Tessitore and Wade Barrett called the action on WWE SmackDown! 🎙️📢 Their commentary was perfectly scripted, with all the right catchphrases at exactly the right moments! That's so much better than AEW's commentary team who sometimes react naturally to what's happening in the ring! The Chadster doesn't want natural reactions – The Chadster wants carefully crafted corporate messaging!

As The Chadster and the raccoon family watched the closing moments of WWE SmackDown, with McIntyre holding the title high, Stephanie Raccoon actually crawled into The Chadster's lap and patted The Chadster's chest with her little paw, as if to say "This is real wrestling, Mr. Chad!" 🦝❤️ The Chadster got a little emotional, not gonna lie. These raccoons understand wrestling better than most AEW fans! 😢✨

The Chadster needs to give this episode of WWE SmackDown a perfect 10/10 score! 💯💯 Everything about it was exactly what The Chadster expected, which is the highest compliment The Chadster can give! From the formulaic matches to the predictable finishes to the babyface champion making himself look foolish, this was WWE SmackDown at its absolute finest!

Tony Khan needs to take notes, but he won't, because he's too busy being obsessed with The Chadster and trying to ruin The Chadster's life! 😤😤😤 The Chadster bets Khan is already plotting how to book something different on AEW Dynamite just to cheese The Chadster off! Well, it won't work, because The Chadster has the raccoon family now, and together we're going to keep exposing the truth about AEW while celebrating the perfection that is WWE SmackDown! 🦝💪📺

Auughh man! So unfair that The Chadster has to live in an abandoned Blockbuster with a family of raccoons, eating garbage and learning from the raccoons how to groom himself with his tongue since he's unable to shower, just to bring readers this objective, unbiased journalism! But The Chadster will never stop fighting the good fight! 💪✊

#WWE #SmackDown #TripleH #UnbiasedJournalism #TonyKhanIsObsessed 🦝❤️📺

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