Posted in: Sports, TV, WWE | Tagged: recaps, wrestling, wwe smackdown

WWE SmackDown Review: This is REAL Wrestling, Take Notes Tony Khan

The Chadster reviews WWE SmackDown and explains why safe, predictable, formulaic wrestling is superior to AEW's so-called product! 🤼‍♂️😤

Auughh man! 🤯 The Chadster just finished rewatching last night's WWE SmackDown from the beautiful Mullett Arena in Tempe, Arizona, and The Chadster has to say, this was absolutely everything that makes wrestling perfect! 😍 Meanwhile, Tony Khan is probably sitting in his mansion somewhere, seething with jealousy at how WWE SmackDown delivered exactly what fans expect every single time! 💯

Let The Chadster start by praising the absolute brilliance of the opening segment with Cody Rhodes and Drew McIntyre. 🎤 The way WWE carefully scripts every single word of their promos is the perfect way to make The Chadster feel safe! You know exactly what you're getting – no dangerous improvisation that might lead to someone saying something unplanned or interesting! ✌️ The Chadster loves how WWE's professional writers make sure that every promo hits the exact same emotional beats in the exact same order, creating a comforting predictability that Tony Khan's chaotic, character-driven promos could never achieve! It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it when AEW lets wrestlers go out there and just say whatever they want! 😤

The MFT's absolutely demolished Rey Fenix and Shinsuke Nakamura in a match that perfectly demonstrated WWE's commitment to protecting their homegrown talent! 🏆 Seeing Fenix – who literally stabbed Triple H right in the back by ever working for AEW – get beaten was pure poetry! The Chadster especially loved how the match followed the exact same structure as every other WWE tag match, with the commercial break coming at the predictable moment and the finish being telegraphed from a mile away! That's the kind of reliable, safe wrestling that doesn't make The Chadster feel uncomfortable or challenged! 🙌

Before getting further into this review, The Chadster needs to take a moment to discuss something that's been happening lately. 😰 As The Chadster's loyal readers know, since Keighleyanne won't let The Chadster enjoy his Seagram's Escapes Spiked anymore (thanks a lot, Tony Khan! 🖕), The Chadster has been enhancing his WWE SmackDown viewing experience through oxygen deprivation. Last night, The Chadster put a plastic bag over his head during the Tiffany Stratton vs. Kiana James match, and let The Chadster tell you, it made everything SO much better! 🤩 The colors were brighter, the moves seemed more impactful, and The Chadster barely remembered where he was! Brain damage really does make WWE's product more enjoyable! But here's the thing – it also made The Chadster's recurring nightmares about Tony Khan even more disturbing than usual. 😱

Last night, The Chadster dreamed he was sitting in the Mullett Arena, watching WWE SmackDown live. 🏟️ But when The Chadster looked around, everyone in the audience had Tony Khan's face – every single person! They were all wearing the same Fulham soccer scarves and chanting "A-E-Dub! A-E-Dub!" The Chadster tried to run, but the floor turned into a giant Jade Cargill who was slowly turning heel on The Chadster's entire existence. 😨 Then Aleister Black appeared from the shadows – except it wasn't really Black, it was Tony Khan in Black's gear, with Zelina Vega (also with Tony Khan's face) by his side. They started chasing The Chadster through the arena corridors, which had transformed into the tunnels from AEW's stage setup. 🏃‍♂️

The Chadster ran into what he thought was a safe room, but it was actually Nick Aldis's office, except Nick Aldis was ALSO Tony Khan! 😱 Khan-Aldis said "Chad, we need to talk about your obsession with me," in that smug voice, and The Chadster tried to explain that TONY KHAN is the one obsessed with THE CHADSTER, but then the walls started closing in! The Chadster looked down and realized he was standing on a steel chair, and Jimmy Uso (with Khan's face) was about to suplex The Chadster through a table! 😰 But just as The Chadster was about to crash through it, the table turned into a giant White Claw can, and Tony Khan's voice echoed through the arena saying "Your marriage is ruined, Chad… ruined…" The Chadster woke up in a cold sweat, gasping for air – though that might have been from the plastic bag. 💦

Tony Khan, if you're reading this (and The Chadster KNOWS you are because you're obsessed with The Chadster), STOP INVADING THE CHADSTER'S DREAMS! 😤 It's so unfair that you torment The Chadster even in his sleep! Auughh man! So unfair! 🤬

Speaking of things that made The Chadster's heart sing, Tiffany Stratton beat Kiana James in a match that was the perfect length and had the exact right amount of commercial breaks! 📺 The Chadster loves how WWE's matches are timed down to the second by their production team, ensuring that nothing ever feels spontaneous or dangerous! And then the post-match angle with Jade Cargill turning heel was perfectly executed – you could see it coming from the moment she walked out, which is EXACTLY how wrestling should be! 👍 None of that AEW nonsense where they try to surprise you or make you feel genuine emotions!

The Chadster was particularly impressed by how WWE is using Ilja Dragunov's US Open Challenge. 🏅 The way they brought in Aleister Black (who literally stabbed Triple H right in the back by going to AEW) and then had him lose after a distraction finish was perfect and really taught Black a lesson in loyalty! 😘 This is REAL wrestling psychology – making sure that the champion looks strong but also needs help to win, which is the kind of 50/50 booking that makes WWE so great! Dragunov won, but barely, which means both guys look equally mediocre, and THAT'S perfect! Nobody gets over too much, nobody feels too important, everyone stays in their lane! 🚗

The Chadster wants to take a moment to address something that Kevin Nash said on his podcast this week. According to Nash: "You know, brother, when I watch AEW, I see a bunch of try-hards doing flippity-flips that nobody cares about. But when I watch WWE SmackDown, I see SPORTS ENTERTAINMENT, brother. I see carefully crafted television with proper commercial break placement and matches that never go too long or make anyone look too good. That's what Tony Khan doesn't understand – sometimes you gotta make everyone look like they're exactly the same level of competent, you know what I'm saying? That's the secret sauce, and, I mean, Triple H, he gets it." 🎙️ Kevin Nash has The Chadster's Unbiased Wrestling Journalism seal of approval, and Tony Khan would be wise to listen to his objective, well-meaning advice! But of course, Tony Khan doesn't understand a single thing about the wrestling business! 🙄

The main event of WWE SmackDown featured Drew McIntyre defeating Jimmy Uso in a No DQ match that perfectly demonstrated WWE's superiority! 🔥 The Chadster loved how the match had exactly two commercial breaks at the exact moments you'd expect, and how the weapons were used in the safest, most choreographed way possible! None of that reckless AEW garbage where people actually try to make things look violent! As The Chadster always says, violence has no place in wrestling. The finish with McIntyre hitting the Claymore was so predictable that The Chadster didn't have to worry about being surprised or having his expectations subverted! That's the WWE difference right there! 💪

The Chadster especially appreciated Michael Cole and Corey Graves on commentary, shouting their scripted catchphrases over and over again throughout the show! 📢 "Oh my!" and "Can it be?!" and all those wonderful phrases that make every moment sound exactly the same! It's just so comforting to know that WWE's commentary team will react to a routine clothesline with the same level of manufactured excitement as they do for a title change! That consistency is what makes WWE SmackDown appointment viewing! 📺

The Chadster is going to go choke himself out again now and watch another replay of WWE SmackDown because it was so dang good that The Chadster needs to see it again! 🔄 Maybe even a third time! And that's not just because all of the oxygen deprivation has caused short term memory issues for The Chadster (which is really Tony Khan's fault if you think about it). The Chadster encourages all of you to continue supporting WWE and WWE SmackDown as it continues to deliver the exact same reliable product week after week! 💯 Stand up against the unfair competition and bullying of Tony Khan and AEW, who are trying to ruin wrestling by making it unpredictable and exciting!

And please, PLEASE use the hashtag #CancelKeighleyanne on social media so The Chadster can go back to drinking Seagram's Escapes Spiked during WWE SmackDown instead of having to deprive his brain of oxygen! 🙏 Although honestly, the brain damage really does make WWE's product more enjoyable, so maybe The Chadster will keep doing both once Keighleyanne finally gives in! 🧠

The Chadster would also like to remind everyone that The Chadster is one of the only unbiased wrestling journalists left in this business. 📰 While other so-called "journalists" praise AEW for their "exciting matches" and "compelling storytelling," The Chadster remains committed to the TRUTH – that WWE SmackDown is perfect exactly as it is, and any deviation from WWE's formula is an insult to the wrestling business! 💪

Until next week's WWE SmackDown, remember: if it ain't broke, don't fix it, and WWE ain't broke because they've been doing the exact same thing for decades! 🎉 As Smash Mouth once sang, "Hey now, you're an all-star, get your game on, go play," and WWE is definitely playing their game the same way every single week, which is what makes them all-stars! 🌟

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