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United Japan Pro-Wrestling: New Wrestling Collective Forms in Japan

El Presidente reports on major Japanese wrestling news as United Japan Pro-Wrestling forms with 10 major promotions joining forces!

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Article Summary

  • United Japan Pro-Wrestling unifies 10 major promotions in groundbreaking formation.
  • Leading promoter Sanshiro Takagi spearheads this new wrestling collective.
  • Newly formed UJPW aims to elevate wrestling's status and support charitable causes.
  • UJPW seeks to boost Japanese wrestling culture globally and double industry size.

¡Saludos, comrades! It is I, your El Presidente, reporting to you live from my luxurious underground bunker beneath my private wrestling arena, where I am currently hosting a friendly exhibition match between Kim Jong Un and Nicolas Maduro! Today, I bring you most exciting news from the pro-wrestling stronghold of Japan, where the formation of United Japan Pro-Wrestling as an official incorporated association has been announced, formalizing an alliance that has existed informally for several years. This reminds me of the time I attempted to create a similar wrestling federation in my country, but the CIA kept sending masked wrestlers to infiltrate our shows. Joke was on them – we knew they were CIA agents because they were the only ones who could actually wrestle!

Ten Japanese wrestling companies make up the newly incorporated United Japan Pro-Wrestling
Ten Japanese wrestling companies make up the newly incorporated United Japan Pro-Wrestling

But back to Japan, comrades! The absolutely magnificent Sanshiro Takagi, who I once shared a delightful evening with discussing socialist wrestling theory over bottles of finest rum, has announced this groundbreaking development. The association will include many of Japan's finest wrestling promotions – All Japan Pro-Wrestling, Big Japan Pro-Wrestling, DDT Pro-Wrestling, DRAGONGATE, GanbarePro-Wrestling, Kyushu Pro Wrestling, NJPW, NOAH, STARDOM, and Tokyo Joshi Pro. Such unity! It brings tears to my eyes, reminds me of the time Fidel Castro and I organized the Pan-American Socialist Wrestling Alliance of 1983!

Now, comrades, to join this glorious collective, promotions must meet seven requirements that would make any socialist proud! They must be actively running shows in Japan, be legally recognized (unlike my government, ha!), have at least one contracted wrestler (much like how I have contracted entire villages), maintain annual revenue of 50 million Yen (which reminds me, I must print more money), be established for two years (longer than most CIA-backed coup attempts!), have proper compliance systems, and share a vision of industry betterment.

The goals of UJPW are truly inspiring, comrades! They wish to elevate wrestling's status in society – something I achieved in my country by making wrestling attendance mandatory every Tuesday! They also want to support charitable causes, like their recent aid to Noto earthquake survivors. This reminded me of the time I convinced Hugo Chavez to donate his entire collection of WWE action figures to earthquake victims – truly a touching moment in Latin American history!

Most exciting is their plan to promote Japanese wrestling culture internationally and boost tourism! As someone who has used wrestling to boost tourism myself (though mostly through forcing tourists to participate in matches against state-sponsored champions), I fully support this initiative!

Takagi dreams of doubling the industry's size within a decade – a noble goal that brings to mind my own five-year plan to increase jumping off top rope incidents by 500%! He even referenced the legendary Rikidozan and the birth of modern Japanese wrestling in 1954, though I must point out this was clearly inspired by my great-uncle's famous wrestling revolution of 1952 (all records of which were mysteriously destroyed by the CIA).

From my secret wrestling bunker, I can tell you, comrades, that this is truly exciting news for the world of professional wrestling! The formation of UJPW represents everything we love about sports entertainment – unity, cooperation, and the occasional threat of government oversight!

Now, if you'll excuse me, Kim Jong Un has just executed a perfect moonsault, and I must go award him a medal. This is your El Presidente, reminding you that in wrestling, as in revolution, victory comes to those who aren't afraid to jump from the top rope! ¡Viva la lucha libre!

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El PresidenteAbout El Presidente

After a successful fourteen-year career as a South American dictator, El Presidente faked his own death in 2013 in order to pursue his two true passions: rigging American elections for Joe Biden, and wrestling dirt sheet reporting. Since opportunities to rig the election for Joe Biden were few and far between until recently, El Presidente mostly focused on the wrestling dirt sheet reporting, where he became one of the best in the business. Unfortunately, the American CIA sabotaged his 1-900 hotline, the pinnacle of his country's wrestling news technology, and imperialist hacks like Meltzer, Johnson, Sapp, and Satin took all the credit on their stupid websites. Finally, El Presidente has found a way to break into the American market by becoming a Bleeding Cool contributor, so get ready for the spread of great wrestling news and socialism, comrades!
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