Posts by El Presidente

About El Presidente

After a successful fourteen-year career as a South American dictator, El Presidente faked his own death in 2013 in order to pursue his two true passions: rigging American elections for Joe Biden, and wrestling dirt sheet reporting. Since opportunities to rig the election for Joe Biden were few and far between until recently, El Presidente mostly focused on the wrestling dirt sheet reporting, where he became one of the best in the business. Unfortunately, the American CIA sabotaged his 1-900 hotline, the pinnacle of his country's wrestling news technology, and imperialist hacks like Meltzer, Johnson, Sapp, and Satin took all the credit on their stupid websites. Finally, El Presidente has found a way to break into the American market by becoming a Bleeding Cool contributor, so get ready for the spread of great wrestling news and socialism, comrades!


Hard to Kill Results &#8211 AEW vs. Impact Main Event 6-Man Tag Match

Hard to Kill Results – AEW vs. Impact Main Event 6-Man Tag Match

Greetings, comrades! It is I, your El Presidente, simultaneously live-blogging Impact Wrestling's Hard to Kill PPV while fighting for the very soul of the nation. My friends, El Presidente has just pulled off the greatest act of corporate sabotage in the history of socialist revolutions! That's right, my mission at the My Pillow factory was […]

Hard to Kill Results &#8211 Taya Valkyrie vs. Deonna Purrazzo

Hard to Kill Results – Taya Valkyrie vs. Deonna Purrazzo

Greetings, comrades! It is I, your El Presidente, simultaneously live-blogging Impact Wrestling's Hard to Kill PPV while fighting for the very soul of the nation. My friends, El Presidente is under fire! Five minutes ago, Nazi security guards became aware of my position and began swinging pillows at me. I beat them back, but at […]

Hard to Kill Results &#8211 Steelz and Hogan vs. Havok and Neveah

Hard to Kill Results – Steelz and Hogan vs. Havok and Neveah

Greetings, comrades! It is I, your El Presidente, continuing to provide live coverage of Impact Wrestling's Hard to Kill while simultaneously seizing the means of production of the My Pillow factory so that El Presidente can hold the advantage in the pillow insurrection currently being plotted by President Trump! Right-wing militias have been stockpiling these […]

Hard to Kill Results &#8211 Brian Myers vs. Josh Alexander

Hard to Kill Results – Brian Myers vs. Josh Alexander

Greetings, comrades! It is I, your El Presidente, reporting to you live from inside the factory that makes the My Pillow. We all saw what was on the notes of the My Pillow Guy when he visited President Trump at the White House yesterday: plans to declare martial law. But that's only the beginning, amigos. […]

Lucha Brothers vs. Chaos Project 13 More Matches Set for AEW Dark

Lucha Brothers vs. Chaos Project, 13 More Matches Set for AEW Dark

Greetings, comrades! It is I, your El Presidente, reporting to you live from Lauren Boehbert's handbag. That is right, your El Presidente has once again used his shrink ray, this time to hide inside Boehbert's handbag in order to infiltrate Congress. Since she refuses to let the police see what she's hiding in there and […]

DCMJ to Hand Out Free Marijuana with COVID-19 Vaccine

DCMJ to Hand Out Free Marijuana with COVID-19 Vaccine

Greetings, comrades! It is I, your El Presidente, reporting to you live from deep undercover inside a reconnaissance tour group of the Capitol being led by Republican Congresswoman Lauren Boebert. And let me tell you, The Boeb is really giving us all the inside details! But I'm not here to talk about politics. Well, mostly […]

AEW Dynamite Recap &#8211 Darby Allin Defends the TNT Championship

AEW Dynamite Recap – Darby Allin Defends the TNT Championship

Greetings, comrades! It is I, your El Presidente, reporting to you live from Lindsay Graham's colon. That's right, I have used a shrink ray to transform myself into El Pequeño Presidente and infiltrated the Senator from South Carolina's body by donning my presidential scuba gear and hiding underneath an ice cube in a Mint Julep. […]

AEW Dark Recap: Varsity Blondes Anna Jay Bear Country More

AEW Dark Recap: Varsity Blondes, Anna Jay, Bear Country, More

Greetings, comrades! It is I, your El Presidente, reporting to you live from the House Impeachment hearings, where I have spent the last several hours making smooching noises every time a Republican speaks to kiss President Trump's ass and try to avoid taking responsibility for inciting his idiotic followers to attack the Capitol. But this […]

How Not to Play the Game: Triple H Tanks Raw Ratings

How Not to Play the Game: Triple H Tanks Raw Ratings

Greetings, comrades! It is I, your El Presidente, reporting to you live from the White House, where I have snuck in to leave an upper decker while President Trump is traveling in Texas. But it's not the putrid stench of resistance I am here to talk about today, amigos. No, it's the ratings of WWE […]

Butthurt Mayor Kane Grapples With Parler Ban

Butthurt Mayor Kane Grapples With Parler Ban

Greetings, comrades! It is I, your El Presidente, reporting to you live from Mike Pence's house, where I have managed to sneak in by pretending to be a bible salesman and am now attempting to hypnotize the Vice President into invoking the 25th Amendment. What would Jesus do, Mikey? Haw haw haw haw! But I […]

Schwarzenegger Picks Up Conans Sword Again to Defend Democracy

Schwarzenegger Picks Up Conan's Sword Again to Defend Democracy

Greetings, comrades! It is I, your El Presidente, reporting to you live from Jeff Bezos's mansion. I wanted to stop by and thank him for banning Parler, to return a pair of defective slippers I bought on Amazon, and also, sometimes I just like to rub his head for good luck. Haw haw haw haw! […]

Impact Genesis Results: Jazz vs. Jordynne Grace

Impact Genesis Results: Jazz vs. Jordynne Grace

Greetings, comrades! It is I, your El Presidente, bringing you the latest results from Impact Wrestling's Genesis special. This should be my final match of the night, and if so, I want you all to know that El Presidente enjoyed spending this time with you, talking about Impact Wrestling. Except you. And you. And maybe […]

Impact Genesis Results: Tre Lamar vs. Crazzy Steve

Impact Genesis Results: Tre Lamar vs. Crazzy Steve

Greetings, comrades! It is I, your El Presidente, returning once again to continue Bleeding Cool's live coverage of Impact Wrestling's Genesis special. I want to thank Jude Terror for his kind words about me in the last article. Of all of my colleagues here at Bleeding Cool, he is a true man of integrity, the […]

Impact Genesis Results: Ace Austin vs. Suicide

Impact Genesis Results: Ace Austin vs. Suicide

Greetings, comrades! It is I, your El Presidente, reporting to you live from Nancy Pelosi's office in the Capitol. Unlike that mob of inbred idiots who invaded the Capitol last week, I have been invited to help work on the impeachment plans for Donald Trump. Before we get into recapping Impact Wrestling's Genesis special, I […]

AEW Dark: 12 Matches Set for Next Week w/ Anna Jay Team Taz More

AEW Dark: 12 Matches Set for Next Week w/ Anna Jay, Team Taz, More

Greetings, comrades! It is I, your El Presidente, reporting to you live from underneath Lindsay Graham's desk, where I have been tickling the Senator from South Carolina's feet with a feather until he agrees to support the impeachment of President Donald Trump. He keeps telling me, between giggles, "Your Excellency, stop!" but I keep going […]

WWE Plans Fresh Matchup for Raw Next Week: Orton vs. McIntyre

WWE Plans Fresh Matchup for Raw Next Week: Orton vs. McIntyre

Greetings, comrades! It is I, your El Presidente, reporting to you live from Twitter CEO Jack Dorsey's steam room where I am discussing a part-time job as a Twitter moderator so I can help ban Donald Trump's alt accounts. But I'm here to tell you about updates to upcoming WWE events after last night's episode […]

No One Explained Wrestling is Fake to Finn Balor and Kyle OReilly

No One Explained Wrestling is Fake to Finn Balor and Kyle O'Reilly

Greetings, comrades! It is I, your El Presidente, reporting to you live from underneath a desk in the basement of the Capitol building. Is it all over now? Can I come out of hiding? I'm here today to talk about NXT stars Finn Balor and Kyle O'Reilly, who appear to have a very wrong idea […]

AEW Dark Results &#8211 Read About Pro Wrestling While the Country Burns

AEW Dark Results – Read About Pro Wrestling While the Country Burns

Greetings, comrades! It is I, your El Presidente, reporting to you live from a secure room in the basement of the U.S. Capitol Building where I have been crawling through the heating vents dispatching pro-Trump terrorists like a more handsome Bruce Willis in Die Hard while trying to watch AEW Dark on my iPhone. It's […]

Cardi B Learned She Was Mentioned on WWE RAW Her Reaction Was WAP

Cardi B Learned She Was Mentioned on WWE RAW; Her Reaction Was WAP

Greetings, comrades! It is I, your El Presidente, reporting to you live from Nancy Pelosi's Speaker of the House election party with some news happening at the intersection of pro wrestling and hip hop Twitter. Yes, my friends, I am talking about Cardi B getting namedropped by Torrie Wilson on WWE Raw last night and […]

WWE Hires New SVP of Creative Writing to Blame for Why Raw Sucks

WWE Hires New SVP of Creative Writing to Blame for Why Raw Sucks

Greetings, comrades! It is I, your El Presidente, reporting to you live from underneath the desk of Georgia Secretary of State Brad Raffensberger. That's right! It was I who recorded the conversation and leaked it to my comrades at the Washington Post, just part of my ongoing plans to steal the election for Joe Biden. […]