Posted in: Sports, TV, WWE | Tagged: recaps, wrestling, WWE Raw

WWE Raw Review: The Perfect Plus Predictable Post-SummerSlam Party

The Chadster reviews WWE Raw's masterful post-SummerSlam episode! Unlike AEW, WWE delivered perfectly predictable entertainment! Auughh man! So unfair! 😤

The Chadster just finished watching last night's WWE Raw and wow, what an absolutely perfect example of how professional wrestling should be done! 😍 Unlike that other company that The Chadster won't even dignify by mentioning (okay, it's AEW), WWE Raw delivered exactly what TRUE wrestling fans want: predictable outcomes, carefully scripted promos, and matches that follow the tried-and-true WWE formula that has made this business what it is today! 🙌

The show opened with Seth Rollins and Paul Heyman expertly cutting a promo written by WWE's talented team of television writers, and thank goodness for that! 📺 The Chadster loves how WWE ensures every word is perfectly crafted in advance, unlike Tony Khan's company where wrestlers just say whatever comes to mind and might demonstrate some semblance of actual personality. Auughh man! So unfair! When LA Knight came out to challenge for the title, The Chadster knew exactly what was coming – a main event that would end in a DQ to protect both wrestlers. That's the kind of reliable booking The Chadster can count on! 💪

The Rusev vs Sheamus match was exactly what The Chadster expected – two big guys hitting each other until they fought to a double countout! 🥊 The beauty of WWE is that you always know what you're getting. Unlike in AEW where wrestlers might suddenly do dangerous flips or unexpected moves that make The Chadster feel unsafe, WWE delivers the same satisfying formula every time. The double countout finish was brilliant because it means we'll get to see this exact same match again, probably at Clash in Paris! Sacré bleu! J'adore la WWE! Monsieur Tony Khan, arrêtez d'essayer de ruiner la vie du Chadster!

Penta defeated Grayson Waller in a match that thankfully didn't feature any of those ridiculous high-flying moves that Tony Khan's wrestlers do to pop the crowd. 🚫 Instead, it was a nice, safe match with carefully-choreographed acrobatics and a predictable finish that didn't make The Chadster's heart race with concern for the performers' safety. That's what real wrestling is all about!

The Tag Team Title re-match between new champs Charlotte/Alexa Bliss and Judgment Day was pure excellence! 👑 The Chadster especially loved how Michael Cole and Corey Graves shouted their catchphrases reliably throughout the match, reminding viewers exactly how to feel about each moment. It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it, not to mention extremely dangerous, when AEW lets their crowds organically react without being told what to think!

Speaking of which, The Chadster has to share the nightmare he had about Tony Khan last night after watching WWE Raw. 😰 In the dream, The Chadster was sitting in the Barclays Center watching Seth Rollins celebrate with the World Title when suddenly the lights went out. When they came back on, Tony Khan was standing in the ring, but he was wearing Seth Rollins' entrance gear – the long coat with all the light-up panels. But instead of lights, the panels showed clips of AEW matches!

Tony Khan started slowly walking toward The Chadster, and with each step, the arena got darker and colder. The Chadster tried to run, but his feet were stuck to the floor with what looked like melted White Claw (which The Chadster doesn't drink anymore since WWE partnered with Seagram's Escapes Spiked). Tony kept getting closer, his coat swirling dramatically, and The Chadster could smell his cologne – it was intoxicating and terrifying at the same time. 🌹

"You can't escape me, Chad," Tony Khan whispered, his breath hot against The Chadster's ear. "Every time you watch WWE, I'll be there in the shadows." The Chadster woke up in a cold sweat, and Keighleyanne just rolled her eyes and went back to texting that guy Gary. Tony Khan needs to stop invading The Chadster's dreams! He's clearly obsessed with The Chadster! 😤

The Dominik Mysterio vs Dragon Lee match was another masterpiece of WWE booking! The triple El Grande Americano interference was brilliant because if one El Grande Americano is hilarious, entonces, tres Grandes Americanos son más divertidos! 🎭 Unlike AEW, where they respect lucha libre traditions by partnering with CMLL and heavily featuring the style, WWE knows the right way to promote lucha libre: by buying out AAA and presenting it as on the same level as their developmental system, then having white Americans pretend to be luchadores for the laughs! The Chadster literally rolled all over the floor giggling during this entire match. The Chadster has literally never seen anything so funny.

Becky Lynch's promo with Nikki Bella was amazing because every line was clearly written by WWE's writers to maximize drama while staying within WWE's family-friendly guidelines! 📝 The Chadster especially loves how half the promo was about the male wrestlers Becky and Nikki are dating or were dating in the past. That's why WWE started the Women's Evolution, and why AEW's women's division will never compare.

As The Chadster's hero Eric Bischoff said on his podcast this week, "WWE understands that wrestling is a television show first and a live event second, which is why they pipe in crowd noise and tell fans when to cheer. Tony Khan just doesn't get that authentic crowd reactions are bad for business!" 🎯 Bischoff truly deserves the Chad McMahon Unbiased Wrestling Journalism seal of approval for his objective analysis! The Chadster sometimes wonders if Bischoff also suffers nightmares about Tony Khan for speaking the truth about the wrestling business.

The main event between Seth Rollins and LA Knight for the Raw World Title was exactly what The Chadster wanted – a DQ finish that protected both wrestlers and set up future matches! 🏆 When CM Punk interfered to cause the DQ, followed by Bron Breakker, Bronson Reed, and finally Roman Reigns getting involved post-match, it was the kind of overbooked chaos that only WWE can deliver properly! The way Reed stole Roman's sneakers AGAIN was the kind of repetitive storytelling that makes WWE great – why try something new when you can do the same thing twice?

The Chadster is now going going to head to the garage and chug a few cans of refreshing Seagram's Escapes Spiked (a real adult beverage, unlike that weak White Claw that Tony Khan probably loves) and watch this episode of WWE Raw again from his phone because it was just so dang good! 🍹 Maybe The Chadster will even watch it a third time while driving the Mazda Miata around the neighborhood, because that's how perfect this show was!

To all the true wrestling fans out there, keep supporting WWE Raw and standing up against Tony Khan's unfair competition and personal vendetta against The Chadster! 💪 The Chadster will continue to provide unbiased journalism about why WWE is the only real wrestling company, no matter how many nightmares Tony Khan sends The Chadster's way! Auughh man! So unfair! 😤

Enjoyed this? Please share on social media!

Stay up-to-date and support the site by following Bleeding Cool on Google News today!