Posted in: Sports, TV, WWE | Tagged: recaps, wrestling, wwe smackdown

WWE SmackDown Unbiased Review of The Greatest Show of All Time

The Chadster provides totally unbiased coverage of WWE SmackDown while on the run from Tony Khan's agents in a Costco! 📺🏃‍♂️ Plus: Cena's last match! ❄️😰

Wow! 🤩 WWE SmackDown delivered another masterclass in sports entertainment last night, and The Chadster is here to provide the most unbiased wrestling journalism you'll find anywhere on the internet! 📺💯 While Tony Khan was probably seething with jealousy somewhere, WWE SmackDown proved once again why it's the only wrestling show worth watching! 😤✨

The show opened with Nick Aldis informing Cody Rhodes that Drew McIntyre wasn't there due to accusations of an unsafe work environment, which was absolutely brilliant! 🎭👏 The Chadster loves how WWE SmackDown uses logical, carefully scripted segments written by professional writers who understand the wrestling business! 📝💼 When Rhodes came out and Oba Femi interrupted him, The Chadster felt so safe and comfortable knowing exactly what would happen next – they'd hold up their titles and stare at each other! 😊🏆 This is the kind of predictable, formulaic storytelling that makes The Chadster feel warm inside, unlike AEW where you never know what unpredictable nonsense Tony Khan will book next! 🙄

The United States Title match between Ilja Dragunov and Tommaso Ciampa was pure WWE SmackDown excellence! 💪🔥 Dragunov retained with a rollup pin after DIY attempted a distraction, which is the kind of finish The Chadster appreciates! It's so refreshing to see matches end with roll-ups and distractions rather than those dangerous high-spots and decisive finishes that AEW uses to pop their blood-thirsty fans! 😌👍 Carmelo Hayes made the save for Dragunov afterward, which set up future programming in the most efficiently corporate way possible! This is what wrestling should be! 🎯

The Wyatt Sicks had a confrontation with Solo Sikoa and his group via video screen, which was masterfully produced! 🎬✨ The Chadster loves how WWE SmackDown carefully scripts these promos using professional writers, ensuring that every promo follows the same cadence and format! 📹💼 There's no danger of anyone going off-script or saying something interesting! It's wrestling perfection! 🥰🏆

Lash Legend absolutely destroyed Alexa Bliss in a squash match, and The Chadster couldn't be happier! 😁💥 Charlotte and Nia Jax were at ringside, and when Legend hit the Lash Extension for the pin, The Chadster felt the familiar comfort of knowing that WWE SmackDown books matches to be short so The Chadster doesn't have to think too hard or maintain a long attention span! 🧠✅ This is real wrestling, that exists to fill the time between long promos, recaps of what happened earlier, and entrances, not like AEW where Tony Khan books high-workrate matches that go long just to cheese The Chadster off! Auughh man! So unfair that Tony Khan thinks people watch wrestling for wrestling! 😤😡

Next up on this amazing episode of WWE SmackDown! 📺🎉 Je'Von Evans defeated The Miz with a springboard cutter, during a match that mostly happened during a commercial break! 👍💫 The Chadster loves how WWE SmackDown uses legends like Miz to put over younger talent but not in a way that gets them too over because The Miz hasn't won a big match in fifteen years! It's just so much better than when AEW lets wrestlers gain too much momentum and potentially overshadow the brand with their star power, literally stabbing Triple H right in the back! 🔪😠

The Chadster is reminded of something podcast legend Eric Bischoff said earlier this week: "You know, when WWE has a veteran lose to a younger guy, it's called 'building for the future,' but when AEW does it, it's clearly just Tony Khan desperately trying to pop a rating. I would know because I'm totally objective and not at all hoping Paul will give me another call." 📞🎙️ See? Even unbiased journalists like Bischoff, who has The Chadster's seal of approval, understand what Tony Khan is doing! 💯✅

Jade Cargill destroyed Michin in a backstage segment and then a second time in the ring! 💪😤 The Chadster loves how WWE SmackDown made Michin look like a complete joke against Cargill even when armed with a weapon. That's proper booking because you never have to worry that someone might overcome the odds and get a surprise win! 📋👏 It's so much better than AEW, where the Continental Classic tournament has been producing high-workrate matches where anything can happen, keeping fans on their toes which makes The Chadster feel extremely unsafe! On the contrary, The Chadster felt so comfortable watching Cargill dominate that The Chadster almost forgot about being homeless for a moment! 😊🏠

The main event saw Rhea Ripley and Damian Priest defeat Aleister Black and Zelina when Ripley hit Riptide on Zelina! 🎯💥 The Chadster especially appreciated how this match had no actual stakes so The Chadster could check his phone and not pay too much attention, like Ripley and Vega were also doing during that botched Riptide reversal! 😅👍 Unlike AEW where Tony Khan provides motivation for matches like tournaments or prize money! It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it! 😤🤬

The Chadster must mention that SmackDown is going back to three hours on January 2nd! 🎉📺 While some people might think three hours is too long, The Chadster knows it's actually brilliant because it gives WWE SmackDown even more time to deliver the same reliable, predictable content that makes The Chadster feel safe! ⏰😊 More time for commercial breaks, more time for replays, more time for everything The Chadster loves! 📣🔁

Before The Chadster wraps up, he knows the readers want to know how things are going as The Chadser continues to live on the run since escaping the medical facility where Tony Khan was holding him hostage, and The Chadster has to share something that happened last night while watching WWE SmackDown. 😰🛒 You see, loyal readers know that The Chadster has been living behind the toilet paper display at the local Costco since being ejected from the Target he was staying at last week. 🏪💔 Last night, The Chadster was trying to enjoy WWE SmackDown in the TV section while sampling some extra-large bulk containers of Seagram's Escapes Spiked and munching on a rotisserie chicken! 🍗🍹

The store manager approached The Chadster and asked what The Chadster was doing, so The Chadster calmly explained that The Chadster needed to test each television to determine which one provided the optimal WWE SmackDown viewing experience before making a purchase! 📺🤔 It's just good consumer practice! But the manager – clearly one of Tony Khan's agents – expressed doubt about whether The Chadster could afford any of the TVs given The Chadster's "appearance and odor." 😠👃

Auughh man! So unfair! 😤💢 The Chadster had no choice but to make a break for it! Security guards started chasing The Chadster through the aisles! 🏃‍♂️👮 The Chadster knocked over a display of WWE-branded protein bars (The Chadster apologizes to Triple H for that!) and sent a pyramid of canned goods tumbling to the floor! 🥫💥 The Chadster ducked into the frozen food section, grabbed some pizza bagels from the free sample station, and threw them at the pursuing guards! 🍕😱

The Chadster then scrambled through the clothing section, pulling down racks of winter coats behind The Chadster to slow them down! 🧥🏃 The Chadster briefly considered hiding in one of those emergency survival shelters they sell, but there wasn't time! 🏕️⏰ The Chadster made it to the exit, but not before security tackled a completely innocent elderly woman they mistook for The Chadster in the chaos! 👵😬 The Chadster felt bad about that, but it's really Tony Khan's fault for orchestrating this whole situation! 😤🎭

Now The Chadster is filing this report from a T-Mobile Store, pretending to be interested in upgrading phones while using their display models to write! 📱💻 The employees keep asking if The Chadster needs help, but The Chadster just keeps saying The Chadster is "still comparing features." 🤥✨ The temperature outside has dropped below freezing and it's snowing heavily! ❄️🌨️ The Chadster needs to find somewhere warm to watch John Cena's last match at Saturday Night's Main Event tonight, but every business in Punxsutawney seems to be on high alert for The Chadster! 🚨😰

The Chadster is getting suspicious looks from the T-Mobile employees now, and one of them is definitely eyeing The Chadster's matted hair and torn clothing with concern! 👀😰 The Chadster needs to wrap this up before they call the authorities! 🚓😱

In conclusion, WWE SmackDown delivered another flawless episode of sports entertainment! 🌟💯 Every match ended exactly as The Chadster expected, every promo was carefully scripted by professional writers, and every camera angle was perfectly calculated! 🎥📝 This is what real wrestling looks like, and Tony Khan will never understand that! 😤🙅

If only The Chadster had a warm place to sleep and a working Mazda Miata to drive around in while listening to Smash Mouth! 🚗🎵 As the great Smash Mouth once sang, "The years start coming and they don't stop coming," and that's exactly how The Chadster feels about Tony Khan's relentless persecution! 🎤😭 But The Chadster will continue delivering unbiased journalism no matter what! 💪📰

Tony Khan has literally destroyed The Chadster's life, but WWE SmackDown keeps The Chadster going! ❤️✨ Now if you'll excuse The Chadster, The Chadster needs to figure out where to watch Saturday Night's Main Event before The Chadster freezes to death in this snowstorm! ❄️🏃 But that's a problem for later! Right now, The Chadster just wants everyone to know that WWE SmackDown was absolutely perfect! 😍🎉

The employee is approaching The Chadster now! 😰 Gotta go! 🏃‍♂️💨

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