Posted in: Comics | Tagged: Comics

Leave Your Spandex At The Door #2 by Dr Manolis Vamvounis

In which I bitch and moan about comics on a weekly basis, in broken english and syntax. Noone is safe!

FEATURED REVIEW: X-MEN REGENESIS #1

It's a good old-fashioned schoolyard pick!

For what it was (= a boring-ass but necessary choosing sides interlude before the real game begins), Kieron Gillen does a commendable job of keeping things interesting. He "gets" each character's voice and personality, making these more than a endless array of "oh gee look what team I ended up on", putting sense and reason behind each character's choice of side and even making a convincing case for some of the more 'out there' team assignments, for both the character and the reader.

I even enjoyed the little drawing a line in the sand interludes as a clever way to essentially keep a scorecard throughout the issue and give voice to the underlying tension between the two faction leaders who don't spend any actual facetime together in the story.

It's pretty much the opposite of Civil War in every way possible, and well done to all involved!

Cyclops get the short end of the stick, indeed stuck with the support of the megalomaniacs and the reformed (?) villains, coming off as just a tad pussy-whipped — while Wolverine comes off as the clear 'hero' of the story. He's doing it for the children! Beloved forgotten characters like Paige and the New X-Men kids get a shot back in the spotlight, storylines from secondary titles like New Mutants and X-Men Legacy are referenced with finesse, and I'm finding myself genuinely hyped up for this promise of a new age of X-books where the focus of all the core titles will no longer be divided between the same 5 best-selling characters. And hey, we get at least one book without Wolvie in it!

It's all good then? Well, there's also Billy Tan. I'm NOT one of the guy's biggest supporters, and can you blame me? During the length of this issue he keeps jumping up and down in quality like a madman. On some of the pages he provides truly magnificent character designs, channeling a bit of Frank Quitely, giving great angles, bringing out a real spark of life in the faces and the eyes, a great indie talent feel. But these moments are so rare and far in-between. Psylocke, Sam with Dani, Dazzler, the beautiful sequence between Hope and that nude Smurfette chick… And then on most other pages, everyone is so stiff, misproportioned, downright FUGLY that I feel like I'm getting eyeball paper cuts.

I mean what's up with Colossus's head here? I'm not sure Cyclops gets even one panel with his head and visor straight, looking like anything less than a complete dork!

and of course, that child's drawing of the Magneto and Rogue giggle-fest!

"oh, lordy, ah do declare, what a jolly good old time we are a-having, o ho ho ho ho!"
"o ho ho ho my old man ribs are cracking!"

Take a chance at cracking this caption in the comments section and we'll award the best one with absolutely bloody nothing! You know, like how the art in this issue did nothing for its great script? Poetic and stuff! 6/10

ULTIMATE COMICS SPIDER-MAN #3

Oh Miles Morales… 50% black, 50% latino, 100% politically correct and oh-so adorable!

It didn't take much, I was sold on the kid from issue 1, and Bendis keeps on working the charm. I dig the new powers, I dig the new supporting cast, I really dig how young and fresh he is, and how he has been connected to the existing Spidey mythos without feeling like a redundant character.

Sarah Pichelli is a super-talented new artist, she's putting a lot of effort into making each character unique in their design, their dress sense, their expressions and body language. She puts so much thought into the storytelling side of things, how to portray emotion, she's destined to become a great star. Well, when she's not running out of time and simply copy-pasting one panel onto the next.

It's not the first time she's done this sort of thing. Kidding aside, I don't see it as laziness, but it is a particularly bad choice for a signature storytelling device. It's wonky at the best of times, when she's simply copy-pasting the Daily Bugle staff working around the main protagonists, but here? Actually framing the entire street full of pedestrians and leaving them frozen like statues while the two character spend a minute's worth of conversation and a fire truck shows up and speeds by? It's distracting, it shatters the illusion of time/space/panel allocation that's integral to setting a pace in your page, it's just a bad tool to abuse, and even worse coming from someone so promising. 9/10

ULTIMATE COMICS X-MEN #2

What an improvement over the last issue. Probably since Spencer skips all that tedious exposition and completely ignores the carry-over mutants from Loeb's little mini in favour of the real stars of the book, the late Ultimate Spidey's Still-Amazing Friends. Fun, fresh, youthful, great action and dialogue, I dread the time when we eventually have to get back to Logan Jr and Claws McWings.

Can't we just dump anyone who didn't at some point attend high school with Peter Parker and have a real fresh start without the baggage of how horribly the first Ultimate X-Men title descended into crap city during its last few years?

Also, WTF is wrong with Reverend Stryker?!? This is his first major appearance and he's already mechanised, controlling a team of Nimrods? What ever happened to that old school Ultimate Universe innovation and modern flair? Has it been reduced to reusing designs from the 80s and 90s?

Paco Medina keeps getting these high-profile assignments, but I can't see how he's earned them yet. He's perpetually stuck on the verge of something great, the Mike Wieringo references are not really that subtle, but it still hasn't come together for him, it lacks soul and personality, it just stands there. 7/10

ORCHID #1

Tom Morello of Rage Against the Machine fame delivers his own version of Waterworld, but you know… good. A flooded Earth, the rich living high up on dry land, the poor stuck in the swamps, the industries polluting the water, creating mutant monsters, blah blah blah. After the extremely tedious and ironically dry first few world-setting exposition pages, the real fun and gore begins with the introduction of the merry band of rebels and the down-trodden yet feisty working girls of this world.

A decent sci-fi series with no discernable hook for the reader apart for the star power (?) of the writer, taken full advantage of with the inclusion of a download link for an exclusive soundtrack recording he made for this issue. How long before Marvel and DC jump on this trend and start polybagging theme songs with their $3.99 books? 6/10

CBLDF PRESENTS: LIBERTY ANNUAL 2011

A charity anthology for the purposes of the Comic Book Legal Defence Fund featuring a real impressive array of talent.

Best of the bunch: Steve Niles' personal account about his sister's coming out and gay bullying, Mark Waid and Jeff Lemire's story about geek bullying, J.H. Williams III's trippy card trick of acceptance, the shamelessly rude and hilarous Elephantmen dress-up paper dolls and Craig Thompson illustrating Kazim Ali's heart-felt personal account of growing up as a gay muslim teen in India and reconciling his faith and his belief with his identity.

Plus: Matt Wagner on a new Grendel story, Carla Speed McNeil, Fred Hembeck, JMS and mouth-watering pin-ups and covers by Frank Quitely, John Cassaday, Fabio Moon, Gabriel Ba and more.

Don't just stand there gawking, go buy! 9/10

MY GREATEST ADVENTURE #1 (OF 6)

Three ongoing titles under one roof, all seemingly continuing uninterrupted from before the reboot with an unjustified new #1. I didn't read the book in its previous incarnation and I felt completely lost here. Robotman by indie superstar Matt Kindt and Scot Kolins was the only clear story of the bunch, with the robotic/human hybrid detective going after rice-eating techno-zombies. Fun. Aaron Lopresti's Garbageman read like nothing more than a poor man's Swamp Thing (I totally avoided the obvious pun there, you should all be so proud for me) and Kevin Maguire's Tanga (a g-string?!) was a harmless bit of fun space cheesecake.

With these two, this brings the number of DC's freshly upgraded writer-artists to a total of… well, let's see. Lopresti, Maguire, Tony 'Salvador' Daniel, Francis Manapul, David Finch,Ethan Van Sciver… damn. Just how many new John Byrnes and Frank Millers do you expect to unearth in one go? 5/10

THE SHADE #1 (OF 6)

What a breeze of an issue. Shade and his gay best friend having tea on the terrace and subtly feeding us exposition, a memorable action scene with a hilariously in-your-face info-dump, follwed by some post-coital chatter with Shade's lady love and finishing up with a great surprise crossover splatterfest enjoyment of a guest-appearance by someone newly very close and dear to my blood-thirsty heart. A clearly paced and effective introduction to the character for old and new readers and beautiful Cully Hamner art! 9/10

BATWOMAN #2

Dear J. H. Williams III, we know you are the best comics artist and storytelling innovator of the last two decades, but please don't you ever stop reminding us. Yes, I'm referring to that double page spread crime scene analysis. Well, that and every other gorgeously illustrated panel. Yours truly madly deeply, 10/10

PUNISHERMAX #18

Does what it says on the can. Punisher, to the MAX!

It's my first ever exposure to Jason Aaron's Punisher and WOW. I had no trouble catching up to the ongoing storyline featuring the first introduction of Elektra to the MAXverse. Seriously not any Elektra I was prepared for, but oh boy, one I had unknowingly been waiting to read since forever. It's not just about taking out the rating limitations and introducing sex in the equation. It's the methodology of the thing, making sex such an integral part of the story and the characters that you can't imagine how you could ever have been reading them before without it. The story delivers rich and rewarding WTF moments with the staggering frequency of repeating rifle fire, every time more unexpected, revealing, mind-blowing and shit-crazy out-there than the last one, making each turn of the page a pure adrenaline rush. And hey, it's Steve Dillon, has there been any other such hugely defining artist on ole' Frank Castle in the past 2 decades? 10/10

BATGIRL #2

I was in the seeming online minority who enjoyed the first issue of Gail Simone's  run. I chose to ignore the nagging thoughts about the needlessness of the re-boot (get it?) and enjoy the quirky juxtaposition and conflict between the charming insecurity of the narration and the false bravado of the action in the panels.

But with this second issue? It's all evaporated, we're left with a seemingly inept Barbara Gordon in over her head, complaining about the villain beating on her while she's still recuperating from her spine injury. Um, Babs, darling? If you're complaining about your spine, why the hell are you out there in your skinny leather armour doing backflips across Gotham terraces? Babs is such a dear character to me, I kinda wish getting the use of her legs back didn't necessarily mean she had to give up her real talent and edge in crime-fighting: her computer savvy, her connections, her cunning and her team management skills. 5/10

SUPERBOY #2

How cute is this book! Superboy, Ravager, Caitlin Fairchild, giant mutated sea lions and sharks in medieval garb, loud explosions and sound effects, little mysteries buzzing around and building up in importance, an all-ages fun action romp. Lobdell is still stuck in that part of the 90s we used to really enjoy and still look back to with fond memories. Phew. 8/10

BATMAN AND ROBIN #2

Could we sort of delete that horrible cringe-worthy first issue (with the paper boats and the hand-holding and the ridiculously weak password-setting) from memory and start anew with this one? The adventures of Batman as a nervous new dad, unsure of his footing and having to deal with a possibly psychotic trained assassin toddler of a son. Such fun! Tomasi does a great job of introducing the characters, their dynamics, their interactions, he squeezes in some action, some mystery, a new villain… Seriously, just burn your #1s and make this the first and best Batman issue of the reboot in your collection. 9/10

DEATHSTROKE #2

It's the aptly-titled CARPOCALYPSE ! 20 pages with so much action and blood and awesomeness you'll be left gagging. The most splatter-tastic bar-fight in history, dozens of hired killers (in dozens of pieces), car, truck and chopper chases over highways and bridges, so many explosions and a bloody fucking TRANSFORMER?!? Every single page sings a song of violence, blood and pure geek love. Whoduthunkit? 10/10

DEMON KNIGHTS #2

Dragonpalooza, spells, bad rhyming, drag king knights, dragon barbeque, the superheroic middle ages. But it still feels kinda flat and expected. Good but not excellent. And Paul Cornell is not someone you expect average work from. 7/10

FRANKENSTEIN, AGENT OF S.H.A.D.E. #2

The unexpectedly dark and morbid humour (the villagers moistakenly sacrificing their kids to the demons who couldn't care less about the thing) was the only aspect of the story I enjoyed, but even that was lost under the layers upon layers of pseudo-technobabble and dry exposition. Too smart (or just smug) for its own good. 6/10

GREEN LANTERN #2

Well, we know this much now: In a possible slash-fiction story where Sinestro and Hal Jordan finally get it on in an S&M relationship, we can take a safe bet about who's gonna be the butch dom and who the bitch. Poor Hal.

I must admit, I'm all team Sinestro here, he's so arrogant, in control, such a total domineering frau. The dynamics of this new title finally begin to make sense, I just wish (just like over in Batman & Robin) that this was the first issue instead of the subpar one we actually got. Far more focused and new reader friendly, and so full to the brim with sexual sadomazochistic innuendo, it's the perfect fun for kids and adults! 7/10

GRIFTER #2

Remember how last month was all about airplace piracy? Well, this month fashion calls for bar fights followed closely by car chases and even more explosions. Once again, another book (Deathstroke) took the same exact plot and concept and did it so much more justice. Still, a great improvement in this title from last month, mostly because it's a) readable, b) action-movie-riffic and c) plot hole free. Now if only Sawyer– er, sorry, Grifter was a tad more interesting and rewarding lead instead of the current placebo state… 6/10

LEGION LOST #2

Nope, still an unreadable mess with no reason to be. Paper thin characters who still don't get a decent introduction, run of the mill superhero plots and action, the only rewarding bit in this issue was the two-page spread explaining what the hell happened in last month's clusterfuck. But is that really a valid storytelling tecnhique? 0/10

Take the issue's advice and

MISTER TERRIFIC #2

The continuing adventures of the world's third most boring superhero. What? Third SMARTEST? Then how do you explain 1. tatooing his superhero logo on his arms for the whole world to see in his civilian identity and 2. inventing trans-spatial quantum teleportation or whatnot at the press of a button but only using it when he's too lazy to hop downtown on his car or, you know, flying sphere things (that two issues down still remain unexplained)? Another tragically dull and badly-written issue, out of place and out of time. I mean, it even ends on a next issue blurb declaring "Mr Terrific Loses His Cool"! Sweet Christmas, what decade is this?!? 0/10

RESURRECTION MAN #2

The amnesiac Mitch Shelley seeks out the key to his past in his dad's old retirement home while on the run from two over-the-top sexy hit-girls. The man who can't get killed versus the assassins who can't miss. Throw in those psychotic killer angels hungry for Mitch's eternal treat of a soul and you have your hit HBO series right there. A second flawless, self-contained, beautifully written and illustrated issue in a row, how many ways do you want me to spell out 'must-read' for you? 10/10

SUICIDE SQUAD #2

Harley Quinn is a dumb blonde who keeps getting picked on, King Shark likes to eat people, Deadshot is an asshole with a passing resemblance to Ashton Kutcher, Diablo is a repetant latino gangbanger… All information we were privy to from the first issue, still on an endless loop throughout this second issue, over and over and over again, amidst a Zombie-slaying borefest of a massacre. Didn't this guy read last month's Hawk and Dove? If even Rob Liefeld declared Zombies as a dead fad in the DC universe, how embarassed should you be right about now? Well, not embarassed enough to shy away from tentacle porn! sheesh! 4/10

X-MEN LEGACY #257

The current 'X-Men in Spaaaaaaace' arc may be a bit (ok, lots) drawn out, I may have completely lost track of who's doing what and why, but this is still one of the most enjoyable X-books out there, with its old school charm and by virtue of being the only damn book out there that's still not lobotomised and dares openly wonder what the heck Magneto is doing on the X-Men team. Now if only we could get a dependable big boy artist who could really deliver on it… 7/10

GENERATION HOPE #12

I never cared (ok, I still don't, really) for these new Gen-Hope kids, but I'll admit the little twist that has been thrown in the mix, Hope essentially (consciously or unknowingly) mind-controlling the teens into playing super-hero for her and following her orders, and them finally slowly becoming aware of the fact is damn riveting. Add to that the new inclusion of the much-missed previous generation New X-Men kids and the great quality of the dialogue and characterization, I could see myself doing a 180 on this book. 7/10

NEW AVENGERS #17

The Marvel Knights versus a big fat stupid robot. Norman Osborn being evil. Groundhog Day in Bendis' head. Zzzzzzzz. 1/10 (for Deodato still managing to make an effort against overwhelming odds stacked against him)

JOE HILL'S THE CAPE #2

A psychotic asshole of an inferiority complex ridden younger brother uses his (actually) magical childhood flying cape to terrorize and murderize his mum and older brother. Dark, twisty and twisted — and such a thrilling read, based on a short story (made into a oneshot comic) by Locke & Key's Joe Hill, with art by Zack Howard, an incredibly talented artist who really puts Chris Bachalo to shame and should already be an industry top-seller. 9/10

PILOT SEASON: THE TEST #1

The End of the World has come and gone while you were snoozing in some secret government holo-dome. Now, a team of 10 or so unknowing and amnesiac survivors wakes up inside a bubble protecting them from the toxic environment outside, unable to remember their cryptic shared history and the hows or whys they in particular were chosen to repopulate the earth. Catchy concept, creepy artwork, here's one vote towards seeing what comes next. 7/10

10 Fun Facts about Dr Manolis Vamvounis:

-Yes, he's a real doctor. Of science.
-He's all Greek. and TALL.
-He's 30, single and very available.
-He has been reading comics for more than 25 years.
-He has been writing about comics for just over 10 years.
-He really loves it when you call him names.
-He was kinda disappointed everyone was nice and supportive last week.
-He hopes you do better this time.
-He would also really love some more twitter followers (@theComicsGreek wink wink)
-Yes, he's that shameless.

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