The Full Script for X-Liefelds #1, Ahead of Launch in July

Rob Potchak is putting out a new comic book called The X-Liefelds #1, his latest parody being published by Keenspot for July. The premise is, while Rob Liefeld has created some of the most popular characters of the last thirty years,  they couldn't all be winners. The "rejected" characters (Bludstayn, Treadmill, Yardwaste, Pytbull and the mysterious X-Tra) are tired of hearing about these famous characters (Livestreme, Checker and CoaX) and go back in time to prevent them from becoming so famous.

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At WonderCon this past weekend the two Robs discussed the comic and Potchak received his okay to continue with it, having him laugh about it. We are to look for it onsale at San Diego Comic-Con. Which is probably long before Brigade will be published...

Here's the full script, with art illustrations along the way.

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X-LIEFELDS #1: They are so bad, it's AWESOME

CREDITS

Created and Written by: Rob Potchak

Drawn by:

Lettered by:

Colored by:

With love and affection to one of the creators in comics that Potchak read almost every book religiously from in the early 90's: Rob Liefeld

NOTE TO LETTERER:

When you see a character's name pop up the first time, in true Liefeldian Fashion, I want you to have a LOGO design for them with a TM.

Cast of Characters:

Every character needs LOTS of pouches

The "Popular" Characters that have lasted 25 years

Livestreme – Deadpool knock off, this will be one of the "famous characters" that the other characters are trying to kill. Have him be basically deadpool in a green costume, a joke here will be that instead of saying "Don't make the costume green or animated!" He'll say the same about red. He'll be Merc with a Mouthy, lots of guns and sass.

CoaX – Your Cable clone, he's got a cybernetic arm that looks like a coaxial cable, but can morph into TWO AXES. Yea, the play on words, AND the use of an X in his name makes him perfectly Liefeldian.

Checker – The Domino character, Has a checker patterned eye tattoo, Red hair, red and black outfit, like a checker board. She has skill and precision, and uses phrases like "Double Jump!" when taking down enemies.

Everyone else is who's going after them.

BludStayn – African American, looks like Chapel, but his face is red, to signify his name. 90's vest with the high popped collar, flat top haircut, and black leather pants. His powers are his blood is poisonous, so he actually bleeds. Yes, the spelling changed after the writer began writing the book.

Treadmill – The female speedster. Should have perfectly round boobs (I know, sorry), I'd make her look like boom boom. Puffy but short hair, big 90's sunglasses. To keep the bugs out of her eyes. Blonde, but other than that, her costume should be yellow and red.

Yardwaste – The "big guy." He's literally a pile of leaves, sticks, birdnests, etc. Somehow, it still looks like he's wearing spandex, and most of his visual should come from coloring, like autumn colors. Maybe his spandex is black trashbags that the twigs are poking through, and don't forget the pine combs.

PytBull – The Wolverine style girl. She's 4'9" tall, has the Liefeld eye scar, and while her hair tries to do the Feral thing, it leans down because there's no way Feral's hair would have stayed up the way it did. She should be stubby like a pitbull, too, not long extremities.

X-tra – This costume should be flamboyant and obtrusive, but only because this character literally shows up in the background, and has no intended use.

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PG1

Panel 1: Livestreme looking like Ryan Reynolds on a gurney, being taken away by "Liquid Plumr" (Ajax).

LIVESTREME

Don't make the costume red, or give me a power ring!

VOICEOVER

Don't miss the love story of the ages, Rob Liefeld's LIVESTREME, starring Ryan Reynolds! And don't forget, it's double feature tonight, so you also get LIVESTREME 2 which features Josh Brolin as COAX!

Panel 2: A really odd looking double bladed sword smashes through a TV. (Think Shatterstar's sword from early Xforce)

OFF PANEL VOICE

I can't take it! He's just a green Spider-man with F-Bombs instead of jokes?!

Panel 3: A couch with Bloodstayn, Pytbull and X-tra sitting on it.

BLOODSTAYN

That totally should be us! Pytbull, go call him again.

Panel 4: Pytbull on the phone, holding it with the claw hand. Maybe too close and cutting herself.

PHONE MESSAGE

You've reached Rob Liefeld, sorry I can't answer the phone right now… I'm probably drawing a book for the Big Two. Leave a message, I'll never call you back!

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PG2

Panel 1: Pytbull throws the phone.

PYTBULL

ARGH! He's screening us! I swear it.

Panel 2: Treadmill comes running in front of them.

TREADMILL

Guys, you have GOT to see what Yardwaste dug up! C'mon, you gotta go outside!

Panel 3: Yardwaste with a big TADA look with his hands spread out, and you see a Slip-n-Slide labeled "BODYSLIDE" on it.

BLOODSTAYN

Is that what I think it is?

YARDWASTE

Yeah! It's a slip-n-slide!

Panel 3: Pytbull bursting through Yardwaste like a dog in a pile of leaves.

YARDWASTE

YERK!

PYTBULL

No, That's the BODY-SLIDE! That's how Rob's character COAX traveled back in time 25 years ago!

Little panel 4: Yardwaste collecting himself with a rake.

Panel 5: Bloodstayn reading its instructions. Pytbull one fist in the other palm, with an action point of its slamming down.

BLOODSTAYN

Says here as long as we get 1.21 Jiggawatts, we can travel back in time…

PYTBULL

And then we can go back in time and kill LIVESTREME and COAX!

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PG 3

Panel 1: X-tra sees a power switch on it. There's a time dial on it, like in the Delorean of Back to the Future. It's currently off.

Inset panel: X-tra flips the switch. The time dial turns on, and says February 13, 1991. Trying to get the factual data if that's the actual date, but it was Feb 1991.

SFX

WHHHHRRRRRRRR!

Panel 2: At the end of the slide, you now see a portal open up.

SFX

WOOOOOOOSSSSHHHHHH!

TREADMILL

Look gang, it turned on some how.

Panel 3: X-tra facepalms. Remember, the running gag is X-tra is an extra in the background.

Panel 4: Bloodstayn waving everyone over it.

BLOODSTAYN

Let's run through before it closes!

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PG4

SPLASH PAGE, sideways like X-Force #16. All of them Running, looking like a Liefeld cover, Bloodstayn in the center rushing them on, Treadmill a little further in front, Yardwaste behind everyone, and Pytbull running through the leaves again.

CAPTION

Turn the page sideways for gimmick effect!

BLOODSTAYN

C'mon, RejeX, Let's go save our Future!

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PG5

Panel 1: Treadmill's ankle twisting because of the small feet.

SFX

YOINK!

Panel 2: Treadmill tripping all of them up.

YARDWASTE

OOOOF!

Panel 3: They all begin to slide X-tra has a huge smile on their face like they are saying "WHEEE!"

Panel 4: The start going through the portal

PYTBULL

I'm beginning to regret this decision!

Panel 5: The portal closes

SFX

POP!

PG6

Panel 1: New York, people walking, cabs honking, and we have an alleyway area. Colorist should try to make this more flat than computer colored. Almost like making the paper look like newsprint with more flat in the color. With how Rob liked to take from things like Terminator (Cable's half destroyed face at one point), make this sequence look like it's out of an old Terminator comic.

CAPTION

February 13th, 1991.

Panel 2: Identical panel to one, but now a flash of light that IS color separated from it begins to open a portal.

SFX

WOOOSH!

Panel 3: The characters all fall through the hole, one on top of the other, except for Yardwaste. The characters should be color separated so they don't look like they fit in. to the world. Totally out of place.

PYTBULL

OOF!

Panel 4: Yardwaste falls on all of them.

Inset Panel: Yardwaste collecting himself.

YW

Sorry, guys.

PG7

Panel 1: X-Tra walks forward, as if breaking the fourth wall putting their thumb up to their mouth. The others can still be seen talking.

BLOODSTAYN

We are gonna have to figure out a way to fit in. I don't think we have enough pouches.

TREADMILL

Stupid small feet.

Panel 2: Now a thumb is all you can see, as if wiping off a camera lens.

Panel 3: Now the world has caught up to their color palette.

Panel 4: X-tra giving the "Okay" hand signal.

Panel 5: They are all posing in classic Lie-fashion.

YW

That's better, we fit right in now.

PYTBULL

We gotta job to do.

PG8

Panel 1: Rob Liefeld is walking down the street, holding pages of a comic, with LIVESTREME and COAX and CHECKER walking with him.

ROB

Bob Harras and the X-Offices are gonna love this. They'll never think I mixed Deathstroke and Spider-man to create you. We'll even use alliteration for your name. It's so good.

Panel 2: LIVESTREME punching Rob in the arm. Smiling through the mask.

LIVESTREME

Just remember, when you get me cast in a movie, I want an older version of the guy that played Billy on Fifteen (look it up kids). I'm sure he'll play different comic book characters after a hit sitcom.

Panel 3: Rob high-fiving Livestreme while Coax just walks behind him.

ROB

We are gonna make so much money, LIVESTREME!

COAX

In the future, there's bad music called Dubstep.

Inset panel of Checker giving a weird eye to COAX for the odd line.

Panel 4: Rob and the other three walk in front of the X-LIEFELDS. Livestreme should be patting Coax on the shoulder, like he's a grizzled senile fellow.

LIVESTREME

Sure there is, COAX, there there buddy.

Inset panel: Bloodstayn pointing at Rob and the other two.

BLUDSTAYN

Hey! That was THEM! Battle positions!

PG 9 – Splash page, Rob ducking with his hands over his head, and LS, Coax and Checker being caught off guard by the X'Ls, and they are in a classic Cover designed scene that couldn't possibly be a good battle pose for defeating the opposition. Once again Pytbull should be jumping through Yardwaste.

PYTBULL

LIEFELD! We've come to stop you from making a grave mistake!

PG10

Panel 1: Rob running away from the battle, pages flying everywhere.

ROB

I don't know what you are talking about…

Inset Panel of Rob with his typical grin.

ROB

But I love your designs!

Panel 2: Coax converting his metal arm into two axes.

COAX

Rob, get down, they look like they are from an alternate future timeline, come back to stop you from turning in the art for New Mutants #98!

Panel 3: Checker and Livestreme Joining next to Coax, looking very Charlie's Angels.

LIVESTREME

Sounds like a great plot for an X-men event!

CHECKER

Would you shut up and pose!

Panel 4: Now the three of them Guns out, running toward the viewers.

COAX

Alright, troop, hold the line.

PG11

Panel 1: Pytbull jumping around Checker, following the laser site off the gun like a cat following a laser pointer.

CHECKER

Chase the laser, kitty!

Panel 2 and 3: Pytbull pouncing on the laser, then realizing it's on her chest.

PYTBULL (panel 2)

Can't stop myself…

PYTBULL (panel 3:

Oh Fu…..*

Panel 4: Checker Blasting holes through Pytbull. This could be a silhouette scene to really show

PG12

Panel 1: Bludstayn with swords out, facing off against Livestreme, also swords pulled.

BLUDSTAYN

Your trading card profile says you are a master swordsman. Let's see if you embellished there.

LIVESTREME

The only thing embellished here, pal, is your ponytail!

Panel 2-4: Livestreme slicing away, panel 4 having Bludstayn's head hit him in the foot.

LIVESTREME (panel 4)

Ew, gross, get it off!

PG13

Panel 1: Livestreme looking at his swords in front of a fallen Bludstayn, and they are melting from the radioactive blood.

SFX

Psssssss

LIVESTREME

What the heck?!

Panel 2: he looks at his foot, and costume, now both melting away as well.

LIVESTREME

You've got to be kidding me.

Panel 3: Bludstayn starts to form back together.

BLUDSTAYN

Radioactive blood. Knocks out even the strongest healing factor, except my own…

PG14

Panel 1: Treadmill running (one legged) around COAX, remember, she has a busted ankle. X-tra also leveling in a punch in a classic Liefeld like uppercut, and Yardwaste tripping him with leaves and a stick under his legs. He's firing a gun and swinging the two axes.

COAX

If you two are done playing with your toys, I could use a hand over here…

Panel 2: Livestreme actually seen with two action figures in his hands.

LIVESTREME

Wait, you need help? I just finished off my dude.

Panel 3: Coax throwing a bodyslide on the ground, and Treadmill sliding away on it.

COAX

Bodyslide by one!

Inset panel of X-tra with a drumset

SFX

Ba-Da-Bump!

PG15

Panel 1: Livestreme and Checker both firing Liefeld energy weapons (Patent Pending #s should be on them) at Yardwaste, blasting holes through him as he is just super huge for some reason now.

LIVESTREME

This bucket of yuck is so disproportionate now. Like, why is he so big all of a sudden?

CHECKER

Did you forget who created them?

Panel 2: YW's holes seal up

Panel 3: YW blasts them with tree limbs, leaves, grass and birdnests from his arms (I'd say hands but you don't see them now.

YARDWASTE

I'm literally made up of mulch, guys…you are more likely to hit each other with friendly fire than do damage to me.

PG 16

Panel 1-3 of Checker double jumping, now with a weedwacker and hitting YW in the mouth with it. You see leaves going all over the place, but not much actual damage.

CHECKER (panel 1)

Jump…

CHECKER (panel 2)

Double jump…

Panel 4: Checker doing a crazy low split and punching YW in what should be his man parts. Have YW with an OOF look.

YARDWASTE

Ooof!

CHECKER

KING ME!

PG17

The next two pages are going to have to flow pretty well.

Panel 1: Coax with a flamethrower, blasting it at Yardwaste and burning him up. Smoke preventing feet from being seen, but he finally found the weakness.

COAX

I went forward in time while everyone was fighting you to see that setting you on fire defeats you.

Panel 2: YW screaming in pain as he turns to ash.

YARDWASTE

Nooooo!!!! I'm allergic to fire! I get ASHY!

Panel 3: he's left as just a large pile of charred waste…

Panel 4: The pile begins to shift.

PG18

Panel 1: The pile of waste now formed into a giant charred version of what he used to look like. Colorist should show burning embers still included, maybe near the chest area, and fading to just gray at the edges.

YARDWASTE

Now you done it…FROM THE ASHES…

Inset Panel, just of his face.

YARDWASTE

I AM CHARRED WASTE!

Panel 2: suddenly, he's blowing away like the Thanos Snap from Infinity War.

YARDWASTE (smaller lettering than usual)

Oh no, I don't feel so good…

Panel 3: this should be directly to the right, Livestreme holding a leafblower with one hand, blowing directly at YW, the other hand is snapping his finger.

SFX

SNAP!

LIVESTREME

Oh snap! Thanos dusted him.

PG19

Panel 1: Bludstayn, Treadmill, and Pytbull with the claws out but being dragged by Bludstayn, regrouping…

BLUDSTAYN

Regroup, team…we may have bitten off more than we can chew.

Panel 2: X-tra is sweeping up Yardwaste with a broom.

Panel 3: The group is standing at the end of the bodyslide, the portal open, and Pytbull is not pointing the long fingers at them.

PYTBULL

This isn't over, heroes!

Panel 4: The three Liefeld mainstays, again, posing like an awesome X-Force.

CHECKER

I think this is checkmate against you fools.

LIVESTREME

Wrong Game, girl.

CHECKER

Shut up, Slade.

COAX

Both of you shut up. And the rest of you…

Inset of COAX's mouth

COAX

Bodyslide by 5…

SFX

WOOOSH.

PG20

Panel 1: Portal opens up.

Panel 2: The X-Liefelds all fall out.

Panel 3: they are standing in front of a billboard for Rob Liefeld's X-BLOOD, now it has "BEST PICTURE AWARD" above the title and FROM THE CREATOR OF LIVESTREME AND COAX on it as well.

BLUDSTAYN

NOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!

Panel 4: An office setting, Rob Liefeld in one seat, a mysterious editor silhouetted out on the other side of him. Make sure there's some MARVEL COMICS logo somewhere in the office.

ROB

Bob, I've got this story that's SO CRAZY…you guys probably won't let me do it for 25 years!

THE END.

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About Rich Johnston

Founder of Bleeding Cool. The longest-serving digital news reporter in the world, since 1992. Author of The Flying Friar, Holed Up, The Avengefuls, Doctor Who: Room With A Deja Vu, The Many Murders Of Miss Cranbourne, Chase Variant. Lives in South-West London, works from Blacks on Dean Street, shops at Piranha Comics. Father of two. Political cartoonist.

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