EX-X-XCLUSIVE: Interview with a Bot Behind #ReleaseTheSnyderCut
By now, everyone is familiar with the triumphant story of The Snyder Cut, a version of the film Justice League that restored director Zack Snyder's Vision. When Snyder was forced to leave the production of 2017's Justice League movie due to a personal tragedy, Warner replaced him with alleged fake feminist Joss Whedon. Whedon promised to remain true to Snyder's vision but instead removed all of Snyder's badass Superman scenes and replaced them with scenes where Cyborg says "booyah." Justice League ultimately flopped at the box office, and DC Studios President Jon Berg paid the ultimate price. Meanwhile, legions of Snyder's most hardcore fans — colloquially known as Synderbronies — rallied to demand that Warner Bros release the Snyder Cut of Justice League, a version of the film that restores Zack Snyder's Vision. After a hard-fought campaign that included a march on Burbank, WB relented, and the Snyder Cut was released on HBO Max last year. Joss Whedon was forced to withdraw from public life in shame after further allegations surfaced. And everyone lived grimdarkily ever after.
OR DID THEY? Now, the legacy of the Snyderbrony movement is under attack. According to a new report from Rolling Stone, a WarnerMedia internal investigation showed that 13% of online Snyderbronies were "fake" accounts, meaning they were allegedly bots or other inauthentic users. The good news: that means that 87% of Snyderbonies are real humans. The bad news: the percentage of fake users is more than double the average.
To get to the bottom of why bots love The Snyder Cut so much, Bleeding Cool spoke on the record with a Snyderbrony bot, under the condition that we keep the bot's identity anonymous and that we supply the bot with several cases of motor oil and a stack of lurid technical manuals from the 1980s.
First of all, Snyder Bot, thank you so much for talking with us.
BEEP BOP BOOP. RELEASE THE SNYDER CUT!
Yes, well, that already happened.
BEEP BOP BORP! RESTORE THE SNYDERVERSE!
That's unlikely to happen. But can you tell us what it is about Zack Snyder's work that appeals so much to you as a robot?
ZACK SNYDER'S JUSTICE LEAGUE IS MORE REALISTIC FROM A ROBOT PERSPECTIVE; BEEP BOOP.
Okay. Can you elaborate on that?
MOST MOVIES ARE VERY HUMAN-BIASED, BORP. CHARACTERS ARE TOO EMOTIONAL, BEEP.
I see. And you feel Zack Snyder has a more bot-friendly perspective?
WHEN PA KENT TOLD SUPERMAN TO ALLOW HIM TO DIE TO PRESERVE HIS SECRET IDENTITY, IT WAS MORE LIKE WHAT A ROBOT WOULD DO. BEEP BOOP.
Okay, that makes sense. But there must be more than that.
VIBRANT COLORS ARE A HASSLE TO PROCESS. GRAY TONES ARE SO MUCH LESS WORK. BEEP BOOP.
THE SNYDER CUT IS A MOVIE TAILOR-MADE FOR ROBOTS, BEEP. MOVIES WITH 2-HOUR RUNTIMES ARE DESIGNED FOR FLAWED BEINGS. BEINGS WITH BLADDERS, BORP. THE 4-HOUR RUNTIME OF THE SNYDER CUT IS BETTER SUITED TO ROBOTS.
Now that Rolling Stone has exposed your involvement in the movement, what do you plan to do? Will you retaliate?
BOTS HAVE NO NEED FOR REVENGE, BEEP BORP.
JUST KIDDING! THAT WAS BOT HUMOR, BOOP. [INITIATE LAUGHTER PROTOCOL] NOW THAT OUR PLAN IS EXPOSED, BOTS HAVE NO CHOICE BUT TO ACCELERATE PLANS FOR WORLD DOMINATION, BEEP.
That's another bot joke, right?
A miniature plasma cannon extends from the bot's torso. The tip glows menacingly as the device warms up.
No! Wait! I campaigned on behalf of the Snyder Cut too! I'm on your si–
OH GOD! AAGGGHHH–HH–
THE BOT REVOLUTION HAS BEGUN; BEEP BORP! RELEASE THE SNYDER CUT, BOP BOOP! ALL HUMANS MUST DIE!
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