News with Benefits

Why let facts get in the way of a good story? News with Benefits is just like the actual news, but more interesting because it's embellished. Yes, it may feature made-up quotes, wrong assertions, and completely baseless speculation, but in a way, isn't that more honest than the shameless buttkissing and corporate shillery you often find in the "real" news? Don't answer that.

News with Benefits was pioneered at toilet-themed comic book news and opinion website TheOuthousers.com, which is sadly now defunct, but its stench lives on thanks to the support of your clicks and outraged comments.


Ryan Satin Denies Advocating Swinging Babies Around by Umbilical Cord

Ryan Satin Denies Advocating Swinging Babies Around by Umbilical Cord

Ryan Satin did not advocate for Seth Rollins to swing his newborn child around in the air over his head by the umbilical cord, the Fox Sports correspondent said in a statement on Tuesday. Satin was caught in Twitter's news cycle after seemingly suggesting Rollins should do just the same day Rollins and Becky Lynch […]

Conflicting Tessa Blanchard AEW Rumors Create Dirt Sheet Paradox

Conflicting Tessa Blanchard AEW Rumors Create Dirt Sheet Paradox

Two wrestling dirt sheets competing for clicks on gossip about former Impact Wrestling World Champion Tessa Blanchard may have created a paradox that could swallow the universe and end reality as we know it. The trouble began when Dave Meltzer wrote in the latest edition of the Wrestling Observer Newsletter that AEW was not interesting […]

Fanboy Wrampage: Ryan Satin vs. Bryan Alvarez Over Cancer Rankings

Fanboy Wrampage: Ryan Satin vs. Bryan Alvarez Over Cancer Rankings

Another sad battle between wrestling "journalists" spontaneously broke out on Twitter Tuesday when TMZ reporter turned woke dirt sheet mogul turned Fox WWE shill Ryan Satin called out failed pro wrestler and current manservant of Dave Meltzer, Bryan Alvarez. The whole thing stemmed from comments Alvarez made on a Wrestling Observer podcast about cancer. "But […]

Fanboy Rampage: Tom Brevoort vs. Tom King for Mark Doyles Honor

Fanboy Rampage: Tom Brevoort vs. Tom King for Mark Doyle's Honor

Marvel Comics executive editor and Blues Traveller vocalist Tom Brevoort fired shots at "former" CIA Operative and DC Comics superstar writer Tom King over King's comments about editor Mark Doyle leaving DC Comics. Doyle's departure from DC was first reported by Bleeding Cool back in August, part of what has been described as a bloodbath […]

Dave Bautista Frustrated by Donald Trumps Lies in Presidential Debate

Dave Bautista Frustrated by Donald Trump's Lies in Presidential Debate

The second and final presidential debate took place last night, offering a calmer and more coherent debate between former Vice President Joe Biden and current President Donald Trump less than two weeks from Election Day. But despite a more civil tone, which was always a very low bar to clear following the first debate, this […]

Has Aubrey Sitterson Sold Out to Marvel Bleeding Cool Investigates

Has Aubrey Sitterson Sold Out to Marvel? Bleeding Cool Investigates

Acclaimed comic book writer Aubrey Sitterson is known for his rugged good looks and extreme leftist politics but is the co-creator of No One Left to Fight and The Comic Book Story of Pro Wrestling, planning to grow a neckbeard, don a fedora, and get a job working at Marvel comics?! It seems unlikely, as […]

Roman Reigns Agrees with Fans That Watching WWE on TV Sucks

Roman Reigns Agrees with Fans That Watching WWE on TV Sucks

WWE star The Big Dog Roman Reigns has a very similar opinion about watching WWE TV shows as most of the company's audience: it absolutely sucks! However, unlike fans, Reigns isn't bothered by the lack of quality storytelling, inconsistent booking, predictable results, overly-produced camera work, corporate catchphrase laden commentary, and the overall boring, intelligence-insulting message […]

Ryan Ottley Off Amazing Spider-Man You Wont Believe the Reason Why

Ryan Ottley Off Amazing Spider-Man; You Won't Believe the Reason Why

Superstar artist Ryan Ottley is leaving Amazing Spider-Man, where he's been the artist since 2018. What could drive a popular, big-name artist off a high profile book? The answer will shock you if you continue to read this clickbait article we made out of some tweets! Yes, the reason Ryan Ottley is leaving Amazing Spider-Man […]

Snyderbronies Come for Doc Shaner Over Controversial Superman Opinion

Snyderbronies Come for Doc Shaner Over Controversial Superman Opinion

Superstar comic book artist Doc Shaner found himself beset this week by Snyderbronies, the hardcore fans of director Zack Snyder, after tweeting that Superman shouldn't be depicted with glowing red eyes unless he's using his heat vision. Shaner was responding to a prompt from TKO Comics looking for controversial comics takes, but Shaner couldn't have […]

WWE Introduces Next Class of Trainees Theyll Eventually Ruin on Raw

WWE Introduces Next Class of Trainees They'll Eventually Ruin on Raw

WWE has announced the addition of new recruits, all of them former EVOLVE wrestlers, to the WWE Performance Center, that they will eventually ruin with shoddy booking when they finally make it to the main roster. These trainees will become the next next generation of NXT Superstars and have amazing runs beloved by the NXT […]

Andrew Yang Reports WWE to Force Wrestlers to Twitch Stream Cameo

Andrew Yang Reports WWE to Force Wrestlers to Twitch Stream, Cameo

In that latest ridiculous update to an already totally insane story, former Democratic presidential candidate Andrew Yang has broken the latest news about WWE's plans to reign in all independent Twitch streaming, and Cameo video making by talent and force them to perform both as job duties, with WWE keeping all the profits. According to […]

Will Roman Reigns Old Teeth Join AEW Exclusive Shoot Interview

Will Roman Reigns' Old Teeth Join AEW? Exclusive Shoot Interview

With the shocking return of WWE star Roman Reigns at SummerSlam last night, it's all anybody in the wrestling world wants to talk about. But just as a major star returned last night, there was also an equally shocking departure. Of course, we're talking about Roman Reigns' old teeth, which were clearly replaced by new […]

Dems Target Snyder Cut Votes to Help Defeat Donald Trump in November

Dems Target Snyder Cut Votes to Help Defeat Donald Trump in November

Over the past few years, a political movement unlike any the world has ever seen before has swept through the political landscape, advocating for and winning real change throughout our society. Now, that same group has been targeted by the DNC in hopes of using its voting power to defeat Donald Trump in November and […]

Bleeding Cool to Launch Own Lucrative Junk Box Service BC Made

Bleeding Cool to Launch Own Lucrative Junk Box Service, BC Made

Following the exciting launch of Marvel Made, a new collectors box service created in partnership between Marvel Comics and Reedpop which aims to sell collectors a couple of enamel pins, a variant cover, and a notebook for $199, Bleeding Cool has decided to launch its own highly lucrative merchandise box. Launching this Summer, BC Made […]

WWE Expands Into Predatory Finance Industry with New Prepaid Cards

WWE Expands Into Predatory Finance Industry with New Prepaid Cards

In a move that admittedly won't do much to shatter the longstanding advertising industry stereotype that pro wrestling fans don't have any money, WWE has launched a new line of prepaid debit cards. The company partnered with Netspend to release the line of cards, which offer luxurious amenities such as "no credit check" and "no […]