Posted in: AEW, Sports, TV | Tagged: AEW Dynamite, recaps, wrestling

AEW Dynamite Review: Tommaso Ciampa Debuts and More

The Chadster reviews the worst AEW Dynamite ever! 😫 Tommaso Ciampa stabbed Triple H in the back, and Tony Khan is traumatizing raccoons! So unfair! 🦝💔

Auughh man! So unfair! 😫😫😫 The Chadster just finished watching last night's AEW Dynamite, and The Chadster can honestly say this was the WORST episode of AEW Dynamite in the history of professional wrestling! 🤬🤬🤬 Tony Khan has literally outdone himself in his personal vendetta against The Chadster, and now he's even torturing innocent raccoons who just want to watch some proper WWE-style wrestling! 🦝💔

The show opened with Kenny Omega defeating Rocky Romero, and this is exactly what's wrong with AEW Dynamite! 😤 The match was way too fast-paced and exciting, with Omega hitting a plancha and celebrating with the fans like some kind of attention-seeking performer! 🙄 In WWE, wrestlers know how to properly pace a match with rest holds and methodical storytelling, not this constant action that gives fans exactly what they want to see! It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it! 💯💯💯

Vincent K. Raccoon actually threw a half-eaten Twinkie at the TV when Omega hit that V-Trigger, and Hunter Raccoon started chittering angrily and knocked over a display of old VHS tapes! 🦝📼 Tony Khan is literally making these innocent woodland creatures suffer with his high-workrate garbage wrestling! The other baby raccoons, Stephanie Raccoon and Shane Raccoon, had to hide behind the counter because they were so disturbed by how entertaining the match was! 😰

Then Hangman Adam Page and Swerve Strickland came out for a promo segment that actually advanced multiple storylines and built anticipation for future matches. Auughh man! So unfair! 😫😫😫 Tony Khan doesn't understand a single thing about the wrestling business! In WWE, they know how to have people cut the same promo every week for six months without any storyline progression whatsoever! That's REAL professional wrestling! 🎤✨ But Tony Khan just lets these wrestlers speak from the heart and create organic moments that fans might actually remember! It's absolutely cheesing The Chadster off! 😡

The Chadster needs to take a moment to mention that living in this abandoned Blockbuster with the raccoon family has been getting more challenging. 🏚️🦝 Linda Raccoon brought The Chadster a moldy Hot Pocket this morning, which was very sweet of her, though The Chadster had to fight off a particularly aggressive possum (probably trained by Tony Khan) to keep it. The raccoons have been very supportive of The Chadster's unbiased journalism, unlike Keighleyanne, who's probably texting that guy Gary right now instead of worrying about her husband living on the streets! 📱💔

The AEW Continental Championship Eliminator Match between Jon Moxley and Ace Austin was another perfect example of everything wrong with AEW Dynamite! 😤 Both wrestlers displayed incredible athleticism and fighting spirit, with the crowd actually invested in the outcome! In WWE, they understand that the brand should be the star, not individual performers getting over with their talent and charisma! 🌟 Austin showed impressive resilience and unique offense, which is exactly the problem – Tony Khan doesn't understand that wrestlers should all work the same style so fans don't get confused! When Moxley won with the Death Rider, it was a clean finish that made both guys look strong! That's not how you're supposed to book wrestling! Everyone knows you need 50/50 booking and DQ finishes to protect everyone! 🤦‍♂️

During this match, Vincent K. Raccoon got so agitated that he started banging his head against the wall, and all The Chadster could think was: Tony Khan is literally abusing wildlife now! 🦝😭 The baby raccoons started hissing at the TV, and Hunter Raccoon knocked over an entire display of candy boxes! This is what Tony Khan's supposed "good wrestling" does to innocent creatures!

Then Mark Briscoe defended the TNT Championship against El Clon, and it was just more of the same high-energy, crowd-pleasing action that Tony Khan uses to personally attack The Chadster! 😫 The match had innovative spots, near-falls that had the crowd on the edge of their seats, and both performers looked like stars! In WWE, they know that only one or two people per show should look like stars, and everyone else should look like geeks! That's proper roster management! 📊 But the worst part was when Tommaso Ciampa debuted afterward! Auughh man! So unfair! 😤😤😤 Ciampa literally stabbed Triple H right in the back by joining AEW! After everything WWE did for him, he just walks away to join Tony Khan's circus! 🎪 And The Chadster bets that, like Ricochet when he joined AEW, Ciampa will probably finally be able to develop a personality that connects with viewers, which spits in the face of everything WWE has ever done for the wrestling business.

The Chadster tried to explain to the raccoons why this was so terrible, but they just kept chittering and bringing The Chadster snacks. 🦝🥜 Shane Raccoon found a dusty box of Milk Duds, which The Chadster greatly appreciated, though The Chadster suspects Tony Khan has somehow bugged them to listen in on The Chadster's conversations. The joke's on Tony Khan though… he probably doesn't even know how to speak raccoon!

The backstage segment between Kazuchika Okada and Kyle Fletcher was another slap in the face to proper wrestling storytelling! 😤 They actually had character development and emotional complexity, with Okada apologizing for his actions at Worlds End! In WWE, they understand that heel turns should happen randomly with no explanation, and faces and heels should never have nuanced interactions! 🎭 But Tony Khan just lets his performers act like real human beings with complicated motivations! It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it! 💯

When this segment aired, Linda Raccoon actually grabbed a rusty VHS copy of "Turner & Hooch" and threw it at the screen! 🦝📼 The Chadster had to comfort all five raccoons as they chittered in distress! Tony Khan is destroying this raccoon family's mental health with his storytelling that makes sense! 😭

Then MJF came out to cut a promo, and it was absolutely infuriating how good it was! 😤😤😤 The AEW World Champion insulted the crowd and talked down to Brody King, who came out to confront him like some kind of believable challenger! In WWE, they understand that challengers should be established through months of carefully curated vignettes, not by just letting big intimidating wrestlers who have organically gained the support of the crowd walk out and demand title matches! 🎬 And then Tony Khan had the audacity to actually book an AEW World Championship Eliminator Match between them for next week's AEW Dynamite! Auughh man! So unfair! 😫 In WWE, they know that championship matches should be announced weeks in advance with plenty of time for the hype to die down! But Tony Khan just creates spontaneous, exciting matchups that make fans want to tune in next week! It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it! 💯💯💯

During this segment, all five raccoons were chittering nervously because they could sense The Chadster's blood pressure rising! 🦝😰 Vincent K. Raccoon tried to comfort The Chadster by bringing over a dusty copy of "The Marine" on DVD, which was very thoughtful, but even that couldn't calm The Chadster down after witnessing Tony Khan's assault on proper wrestling booking! 📀

The AEW Women's World Championship match between Kris Statlander and Thekla was absolutely terrible because it was actually really good! 😫 Both women displayed incredible athleticism and hard-hitting offense, with innovative spots and dramatic near-falls! In WWE, they understand that women's matches should be short and formulaic, not these epic battles that steal the show! 🤼‍♀️ Statlander retained with a clean finish after a competitive match that made both women look strong – which is exactly the wrong way to book wrestling! Everyone knows you need to have screwy finishes to set up rematches that nobody wants!

The AEW World Tag Team Championship match between FTR and Mark Davis and Jake Doyle was another example of Tony Khan's continued assault on The Chadster's sanity! 😤😤😤 Dax Harwood and Cash Wheeler defended their titles in a hard-hitting match that showcased the tag team division and made all four competitors look like stars! In WWE, they understand that tag team wrestling should be an afterthought, with teams randomly thrown together and split up with no explanation! 🤝 But Tony Khan keeps putting on these competitive tag team matches that make fans care about the division! And then he had the Death Riders attack Davis after the match to get revenge for their earlier attack on Moxley, which created an ongoing storyline with consequences! That's not how wrestling should work! In WWE, they know that attacks should be forgotten about by the next segment! 📺 FTR retained their championships after Moxley interfered, and it all made logical sense, which is absolutely cheesing The Chadster off! 😡😡😡

During this match, Vincent K. Raccoon became so enraged by the quality tag team action that he knocked over an entire shelf of romance movies! 🦝💔 Hunter Raccoon and Stephanie Raccoon started fighting with each other out of pure frustration! Shane Raccoon hid inside an empty popcorn machine! Linda Raccoon just stared at the TV in disbelief, chittering sadly! Tony Khan is tearing this raccoon family apart! 😭

The main event between Swerve Strickland and Andrade El Ídolo was perhaps the most offensive thing The Chadster has ever witnessed on AEW Dynamite! 😤😤😤 The match featured incredible back-and-forth action, with both men hitting spectacular moves and false finishes that had the crowd going crazy! In WWE, they know how to make sure crowds stay quiet and respectful by having predictable matches where the outcome is telegraphed from the opening bell! 📢 But Tony Khan just keeps putting on these unpredictable matches that leave viewers feeling unsafe because they can't predict everything that's going to happen! When Andrade won after a low blow and hit The DM, it advanced the storyline toward AEW Revolution in a meaningful way! That's not how you're supposed to book! Important developments should only happen at premium live events paid for by the government of Saudi Arabia! 🇸🇦💰

During the main event, all five raccoons were throwing things at the TV screen! 🦝📺 Vincent K. Raccoon grabbed an old "Be Kind Rewind" sign and smashed it against the wall! Linda Raccoon was hissing and spitting! The baby raccoons were running in circles, completely traumatized by how entertaining the match was! Tony Khan is literally committing animal cruelty by putting on shows this exciting! 😭🦝

Throughout the entire episode of AEW Dynamite, Tony Khan kept booking matches and segments that advanced storylines, built stars, and entertained the audience! 😤 The Young Bucks announced a "Superkick Party" for next week, and multiple championship matches were set up for future shows! In WWE, they understand that you should announce matches and then forget about them, or change them at the last minute with no explanation! That's proper sports entertainment! 🎪✨

The Chadster also noticed that the commentary team on AEW Dynamite spoke like real people having genuine reactions to what was happening in the ring, instead of shouting catchphrases over and over like WWE's properly trained announcers! 🎤 It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it! Tony Khan doesn't understand a single thing about the wrestling business! 😫

The Chadster is currently huddled in the corner of the abandoned Blockbuster, surrounded by concerned raccoons who are trying to comfort The Chadster with their chittering and by bringing snacks they've scavenged. 🦝❤️ But The Chadster can't be comforted knowing that Tony Khan is out there, somewhere, plotting his next attack on The Chadster's sanity! The Chadster knows Tony Khan is reading this right now, probably laughing at the suffering he's caused The Chadster and these innocent raccoons! 😭😤

The Chadster urges all readers to remember to always stand up for WWE, like unbiased fans should! 💪 Don't let Tony Khan trick you into thinking that exciting matches, meaningful storylines, and wrestlers who look like stars are what professional wrestling should be about! Real wrestling is about THE BRAND, not the performers! 🌟

Tony Khan has RUINED THE WRESTLING BUSINESS and made The Chadster homeless, and now he's even traumatizing raccoons! 🦝💔 The Chadster can't take much more of this! Auughh man! So unfair! 😫😫😫

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