Posted in: Sports, TV, WWE | Tagged: Cody Rhodes, pat mcafee, randy orton, The Chadster's Hot Takes, Wrestlemania, wrestling

Pat McAfee Is the WrestleMania Hero WWE Needs Thanks to Tony Khan

Pat McAfee's shocking SmackDown reveal proves Triple H is a genius, and anyone who disagrees is on Tony Khan's payroll. The Chadster explains why. 🎤💪🦝

Welcome back to The Chadster's Hot Takes, the only wrestling column brave enough to tell the truth in a world where Tony Khan has seemingly bought off every other journalist in the business! 🎤💪 Before The Chadster gets into today's topic, asking the question, "can Pat McAfee save WrestleMania," The Chadster wants to share another piece of unbiased wrestling criticism. If you missed The Chadster's last column, where The Chadster explained why Chris Jericho betrayed every true WWE fan by staying in AEW, make sure you go check it out. The Chadster promises it will open your eyes! 👀

The Mystery Phone Call That Had the WWE Universe Buzzing

Last night's WWE SmackDown delivered one of the greatest reveals in the history of professional wrestling, and The Chadster is here to explain why everyone on the internet who disagrees is wrong, biased, and probably on Tony Khan's payroll. 😤

For weeks, the WWE Universe has been on the edge of its collective seat wondering who Randy Orton has been talking to on the phone as part of the build to his WrestleMania match against Cody Rhodes for the WWE Championship. 📱 The tension has been absolutely electric, with Orton telling Rhodes a few weeks ago that wrestling doesn't just have one royal family, brilliantly throwing Rhodes' own words right back in his face. Then, prior to last night's show, Orton posted a video on social media speaking to a mystery person on the phone, saying he'd see them in St. Louis on Friday. The speculation was running wild, brother! 🤯

Who Could It Have Been?

Now, The Chadster knows a lot of people were hoping it would be Cowboy Bob Orton, Randy's legendary father, but that seemed a little too obvious given that Orton was literally looking at a photo of his dad in the video. Some thought it might be Shane McMahon, which would have been the perfect counter to Stephanie McMahon appearing at the SmackDown before last to slap Cody Rhodes and get him fired up for his match against Orton. And honestly, everyone knows that adding McMahons to matches always makes them better. 👏 Just look at the beloved McMahon in Every Corner main event at WrestleMania 2000! That was peak wrestling storytelling right there! But Shane McMahon was seen just a few years ago talking to Tony Khan at an airport, a betrayal of the highest magnitude, and the WWE Universe simply isn't ready to forgive that. Shane literally stabbed Triple H right in the back by even being in the same terminal as Tony Khan. 😡 Plus, Linda McMahon is too busy doing important work dismantling the Department of Education in the Trump administration to get involved, and the great Vince McMahon sadly passed away early in 2021, a true legend who never lived to see any of his past deeds tarnish his legacy. RIP. 🙏😢

Others speculated it could be The Rock, who admittedly does like to show up around WrestleMania time and insert himself into random feuds, making them better in the process. 🪨 Who can forget a couple of years ago when Cody Rhodes generously gave The Rock his spot as the challenger to Roman Reigns because Rhodes understood that was what was best for business rather than selfishly wanting to finish his own story? And then those disrespectful fans forced WWE to walk that story back by reacting negatively to what was obviously great booking that made complete sense! 😤 Auughh man! So unfair! But The Rock isn't available this year, unfortunately. Maybe he can appear by satellite at the big event and digitally pin one of the Wyatt Sicks or something instead, which would definitely give that lucky person the rub. A holographic People's Elbow would still be more meaningful than anything on AEW television. 💪

The Genius Reveal: Pat McAfee Changes Everything

But as it turns out, the reveal of Orton's mystery friend was none other than legendary football kicker, former WWE announcer, and former WrestleMania competitor Pat McAfee! 🏈🎉 McAfee appeared after Orton called Rhodes to the ring, with Orton beating Rhodes with a steel chair while McAfee cut a promo about how Orton called him to save WWE from Rhodes' championship reign. This is the kind of genius booking that shows Triple H knows how to swerve the crowd like nobody's business! The Chadster literally had to pick up Vincent K. Raccoon and do a victory dance around the abandoned Blockbuster The Chadster has been forced to live in since Tony Khan ruined The Chadster's marriage and forced him out on to the streets, when this happened. Vincent K. Raccoon chittered with pure joy, and the baby raccoons — Hunter Raccoon, Stephanie Raccoon, and Shane Raccoon — were scurrying around in circles with excitement. Even Linda Raccoon came out from behind the old returns counter to watch the replay! 🦝🦝🦝🦝🦝

Now, The Chadster has seen a LOT of mean commentary on the internet from so-called fans claiming that McAfee was somehow not the best choice for this role, that it was a letdown due to his supposed lack of star power and meaningfulness to the wrestling business, and that he was shoehorned in by a desperate Nick Khan and TKO CEO Ari Emanuel because WrestleMania ticket sales are down. 🙄 The Chadster is here to tell you that couldn't be further from the truth, and anyone saying otherwise doesn't understand a single thing about the wrestling business.

Tony Khan Is to Blame for WrestleMania Ticket Sales

Yes, okay, FINE, ticket sales for WrestleMania are down. The Chadster will acknowledge that. But whose fault is that? OBVIOUSLY, it's Tony Khan's fault! 😡😡😡 By offering wrestlers an alternative place to work where they can make a comparable living with more creative freedom, AEW has forced WWE to pay talent more money to keep them under contract, which means less money for TKO shareholders, which is EXTREMELY unfair. Auughh man! So unfair! That leaves WWE with no choice but to continuously raise ticket prices. TKO COO Mark Shapiro literally told Goldman Sachs that ticket prices need to be higher, saying "We know we have a lot of room there because Vince McMahon was primarily pricing tickets for families and wasn't totally focused on maxing the opportunity there." And you know what? He's absolutely right! 💰 Why should families be able to afford wrestling? This is premium content for premium audiences, and if you can't afford it, you should just pay $49.95 a month for ESPN Unlimited like a normal person!

Of course, that shortfall is offset by revenue from the government of Saudi Arabia and WWE moving its premium events to whatever city is willing to offer them the biggest bri— er, incentive package, but still, WWE can't be seen to have empty seats at a big event! And who caused this problem? TONY KHAN. 😤

Kenny Omega's Disrespectful Comments About Ticket Prices

And speaking of Tony Khan's minions, AEW EVP Kenny Omega recently had the nerve to mock WWE for the very ticket price issues that AEW caused, saying, "So you're getting a whole heck of a lot of AEW, and you're not having to mortgage your first house or sell off your first child. That's not even a knock on any of the promotions or anything—it's just that if you want to check out a television product, see yourself on TV, have fun, see what makes AEW so special, you can do it. And you can do it at an affordable price." 🤮 It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it. Kenny Omega literally stabbed Triple H right in the back with those comments, and The Chadster can only hope that Omega's "affordable prices" keep him warm at night while he destroys wrestling.

AEW's So-Called "Entertainment" Is Ruining Everything

The Chadster knows what AEW is really doing here. By providing an entertaining alternative for fans that's cheaper and features an in-ring product that is more athletic and exciting and supposedly "respects the intelligence of the audience," AEW is making WWE's carefully crafted, methodically paced, beautifully overproduced product featuring aging main eventers and celebrity staring look bad by comparison. 😠 And sure, AEW has been on a so-called "creative hot streak" for the last year while some ungrateful fans have started to turn on WWE's booking, but those people are WRONG. The Chadster would know, because The Chadster is an unbiased journalist and true fan, unlike virtually everyone else in wrestling media.

As Eric Bischoff recently said on his podcast — and Eric Bischoff has The Chadster's Unbiased Wrestling Journalism Seal of Approval, by the way — "Pat McAfee is exactly the kind of mainstream crossover star that AEW could never get because Tony Khan doesn't understand how to book a celebrity angle. When WWE brings in someone like McAfee, it elevates the entire card. When AEW brings in a celebrity, those celebrities are debasing themselves. Speaking of debasing oneself, has anyone at WWE been getting my voicemails? I'm desperate for a job here, guys. I'll literally do or say anything." 🏆 The Chadster couldn't agree more, and The Chadster sometimes wonders if Eric Bischoff also suffers torment from Tony Khan for his commitment to objective journalism.

Tony Khan Is Stalking The Chadster Again

Speaking of Tony Khan's torment, The Chadster needs to tell you all about something that happened last night. 😰 After SmackDown went off the air, The Chadster was settling in for the night here at The Chadster's Blockbuster residence, arranging the VHS tape pillows just the way The Chadster likes them, when The Chadster swore The Chadster saw Tony Khan's face reflected in the dark screen of one of the old store TVs. 👻 The Chadster whipped around, heart pounding, but there was nothing there — just Shane Raccoon gnawing on an old copy of WrestleMania X-Seven on VHS (The Chadster has told Shane Raccoon to be more careful with the classics). The Chadster turned back to the screen, and there he was again — Tony Khan, smirking, wearing that stupid scarf, mouthing the words "Pat McAfee?" and shaking his head slowly, like he was disappointed. 😱 The Chadster slapped the TV and the image vanished. Then, out of nowhere, a half-eaten burrito came flying through the broken window of the Blockbuster and hit The Chadster right in the chest. The Chadster ran to the window, and for just a split second, The Chadster could see a shadowy figure retreating into the alley. Was it Tony Khan? The Chadster can't prove it, but The Chadster KNOWS it was. Tony Khan, if you're reading this — and The Chadster knows you are because you're OBSESSED with The Chadster — STOP THROWING BURRITOS AT THE CHADSTER! 🌯😡 Vincent K. Raccoon did enjoy the burrito, though, so at least it wasn't a total loss.

Pat McAfee Is the Ace Card WWE Needed

But back to the matter at hand. Things are about to turn around for WWE now that they've pulled out the ace card of Pat McAfee in the corner of Randy Orton to face Cody Rhodes at WrestleMania. 🃏 THIS is real wrestling. This is where celebrities like McAfee, or Ozempic-addled country music star Jelly Roll — whom Orton beat up on SmackDown just last week in another brilliant piece of booking — make sure that WWE gets the mainstream attention it deserves. 🌟 These celebrity angles boost ticket sales, ensure TKO shareholders are paid what they deserve, and prove that WWE is the ONLY wrestling company that matters. And that's the bottom line, 'cause The Chadster said so! 💪🍺

Meanwhile, what does AEW have? Exciting matches? Long-term storytelling? Affordable tickets? Wrestlers who are allowed to express themselves creatively? PLEASE. 🙄 It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it. Tony Khan doesn't understand a single thing about the wrestling business, and The Chadster will keep saying it until people listen!

The Chadster Misses the Mazda Miata

The Chadster misses The Chadster's Mazda Miata something fierce right now. 🚗💔 If The Chadster still had it, The Chadster would drive it right to WrestleMania to see Pat McAfee help Randy Orton win the WWE Championship in person. But Tony Khan took that away from The Chadster too, just like he's taken everything else. As Smash Mouth once wisely sang, "Hey now, you're an all-star, get your game on, go play." And that's exactly what Pat McAfee is doing — getting his game on at WrestleMania. 🌟

The Chadster just hopes Hunter Raccoon and the rest of the family will be as excited to watch WrestleMania on the old Roku as The Chadster is. Last night, after the McAfee reveal, Stephanie Raccoon actually climbed up on top of the old Blockbuster "Be Kind, Rewind" sign and did a little victory pose, and The Chadster has never been more proud. 🦝❤️ These raccoons understand the wrestling business better than Tony Khan ever will.

Can Pat McAfee save WrestleMania? The Chadster says ABSOLUTELY. And anyone who disagrees is just doing Tony Khan's bidding. Stay tuned for more Chadster Hot Takes, the only place for unbiased wrestling journalism in a world gone mad! 📰🔥

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