Posted in: AEW, Sports, TV | Tagged: aew rampage, recaps, wrestling

AEW Rampage Review: Better Stock Up on White Claw for This One

The Chadster reviews AEW Rampage and reveals how Tony Khan's latest show is ruining wrestling, marriages, and White Claw supplies. WWE fans, beware!

The Chadster is so cheesed off right now! 😡😡😡 Last night's episode of AEW Rampage was just another example of how Tony Khan is trying to RUIN The Chadster's life. It's like he's purposely booking these shows to cheese The Chadster off! Auughh man! So unfair! 😤

Let's start with that trios match between The Undisputed Kingdom and The Conglomeration. 🙄 First of all, The Chadster still can't believe Roderick Strong is even in AEW. He literally stabbed Triple H right in the back by joining Tony Khan's circus. 🎪 And don't even get The Chadster started on Kyle O'Reilly. The way they were chain wrestling at the beginning of the match was just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it. 😒

Then there's Orange Cassidy with his lazy gimmick that doesn't understand a single thing about the wrestling business. 🍊 And don't even get The Chadster started on Tomohiro Ishii. The way he was chopping everyone's chest… that's not wrestling! In WWE, they know how to have a proper match without all this unnecessary violence. 😤

The ending of the match was just ridiculous. Orange Cassidy winning with that weak-looking Orange Punch? Please. In WWE, finishers actually look impactful. 🙄

And then Don Callis shows up with Kyle Fletcher for a post-match attack? 😠 This is exactly the kind of overbooked nonsense that Tony Khan loves. It's like he's trying to cram as much content as possible into one hour just to spite The Chadster. Auughh man! So unfair!

Moving on to the tag team match with Chris Jericho and Big Bill… 🤦‍♂️ The Chadster can't believe Jericho is still trying to make this "Learning Tree" gimmick work. It's just sad to see how far he's fallen since leaving WWE. And Big Bill? The Chadster remembers when he was Big Cass in WWE developmental. Look at him now, wasting his potential in AEW. It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it. 😤

The squash match itself was just boring. In WWE, they know how to make squash matches entertaining. This was just… nothing. 😴

Then we had Minoru Suzuki vs The Butcher. 🥩 The Chadster doesn't even know where to start with this one. Suzuki's style is just too violent for The Chadster's tastes. Whatever happened to good old-fashioned wrestling? In WWE, they know how to have a match without all this unnecessary stiffness. 😖

The women's match between Kris Statlander and Sydni Winnell was another joke. 🃏 Statlander's gimmick is just ridiculous, and The Chadster can't believe Tony Khan is pushing her like this. In WWE, they know how to build proper women's stars. This match was over before it even began. 🙄

Finally, we had the main event with The Lucha Bros vs Private Party. 🎭 The Chadster has to say, this match was just too flippy for his tastes. Whatever happened to telling a story in the ring? All these high-flying moves and tandem offense… it's just not wrestling. In WWE, they know how to have a proper tag team match without all this unnecessary acrobatics. 😤

The fans chanting "This is awesome"? Please. They wouldn't know awesome if it hit them in the face. They've clearly been brainwashed by Tony Khan's propaganda. 🧠🚿

And don't even get The Chadster started on the commentary. 🎙️ Matt Menard as "Daddy Magic" is just another example of how AEW doesn't take wrestling seriously. In WWE, they have proper commentators who know how to call a match professionally.

The Chadster had to throw so many White Claws at the TV during this episode that Keighleyanne threatened to take away The Chadster's Mazda Miata keys. 🚗 When The Chadster tried to explain that it was all Tony Khan's fault, she just rolled her eyes and went back to texting that guy Gary. 📱 Tony Khan is literally ruining The Chadster's marriage!

AEW Rampage was just another example of how Tony Khan is trying to destroy everything The Chadster holds dear about professional wrestling. 💔 The Chadster implores all of you to cleanse your palates by watching some proper wrestling. Why not rewatch some classic WWE Premium Live Events like WrestleMania X-Seven or SummerSlam 2002? 📺

And whatever you do, DO NOT watch AEW Collision tonight. 🚫 The Chadster knows Tony Khan is probably going to pull out all the stops to try and cheese off The Chadster even more, but don't fall for it! Stick with WWE, the only true wrestling company. Now, if you'll excuse The Chadster, he needs to go buy more White Claw. Tony Khan owes The Chadster so many cases by now… 🍹😤

Enjoyed this? Please share on social media!

Stay up-to-date and support the site by following Bleeding Cool on Google News today!