After a quiet weekend in the world of wrestling, it's time once again to kick off the long week of near-daily televised wrestling shows with WWE Monday Night Raw. I'm Jude Terror, and this is your weekly Raw recap, filled with my wit and wisdom and also a report of what happened on this dumb show when I can force myself to pay attention that is.
WWE Monday Night Raw Report for September 21st, 2020 Part 1
The WWE intro plays, the messed up Retribution one with weird rewinds and, perhaps most hilariously, upside-down footage. Retribution is at ringside and then in the ring on Raw. Tom Phillips announces they've signed contracts. Wait; what? They remove their hoods, and they're wearing masks, but masks that show most of their faces. Hannibal Lector masks. Bane masks. That sort of thing. Mia Yim talks. She says giving them contracts won't save WWE. They're still gonna destroy it. Dominik Dijakovic calls everyone in WWE whores who collect paychecks. Retribution will make them pay. They're gonna drain the blood from Raw or something. They're the judge, the jury, and the executioners. Dio Madden is there. Mercedes Martinez is there. Some other guy is there… maybe they didn't decide who would be that guy yet.
Hurt Business comes out. This is their new group theme song, I guess? Last week, I thought it was Cedric Alexander's new theme. Anyway, Hurt Business take off their suit jackets and then head to the ring. Retribution retreats to the outside. MVP gets a mic. He accuses them of cowardice. He challenges them to a match tonight. Bobby Lashley says Hurt Business aren't kids hiding behind masks. They'll beat them down and look good doing it.
A bunch of Retribution flunkies arrive and surround the ring. A brawl breaks out, but it's like twenty vs. four. Hurt Business gets beat down. Raw goes to commercials.
So yes, you heard that right. WWE, for some reason, gave the anarchists who have been attacking them for weeks contracts. Then Retribution took off their masks and got punked out by Hurt Business. Then a bunch of flunkies showed up and beat down Hurt Business. Basically, nobody looks good here. Also, if Retribution is insulting people working for WWE for money… why did they sign contracts? For that matter, why did they need to sign contracts when they all already had contracts? Hey, you don't think WWE is making this crap up as they go along, do you?
Raw is back. Tom Phillips, Byron Saxton, and Jerry "The King" Lawler are on commentary. Sarah Schrieber talks to Rey, Angie, and Aalyah Mysterio backstage. Rey talks about being proud of watching his son wrestle in a tag team championship number one contender match next. The Street Profits come out to the commentary table. Then Andrade and Angel Garza come out, sans Zelina Vega. Then Seth Rollins and Murphy. Then Dominik Mysterio and Humberto Carillo. Then Raw goes to commercials again.
Dominik Mysterio and Humberto Carillo vs. Angel Garza and Andrade vs. Seth Rollins and Murphy
- Lots of high-flying action in this match. Commentary puts over Dominik Mysterio as "the breakout star of Monday Night Raw."
- But it's Andrade who gets the pin, on Murphy, off the Wing Clipper.
Okay, raise your hands… who was hoping to see Street Profits vs. Angel Garza and Andrade again at Clash of Champions? Hmm, no one? That's weird.
Tom Phillips plays us a recap video of last week's Raw Underground, which ended on a "To Be Continued" after Braun Strowman showed up and kicked everyone's ass and then Dabba-Kato got into the ring to fight him. Shane McMahon speaks with his security guard buddy outside the Raw Underground room. He says he's gonna be on the KO Show to promote it.
Retribution is backstage to cut a promo because, of course, they are. Dominik Dijakovic has the mic. He says Hurt Business could have been part of the solution, but they bent the knee to WWE. Others wait for an opportunity, but they line their pockets with WWE's money to buy fancy suits. Oh yeah? Who paid for that Bane cosplay, pal? Anyway, their payment is gonna come in the form of a match against Retribution.
The Kevin Owens Show
Kevin Owens is in the ring for the KO Show. He says last time he hosted a KO Show, he was attacked by Captain Hot Topic (Aleister Black), but he took care of that last week. His guest this week is someone who used to be his enemy, but this is wrestling after all. He announces Shane McMahon. Shane comes to the ring.
Owens and Shane reflect on how weird it is for them to be out here together after their big feud last year. Owens says that's all water under the bridge. This is about Shane doing what he does best, promoting Raw Underground. He tells Shane to take the floor.
Shane promotes the "Battle of the Behemoths," Dabba-Kato vs. Braun Strowman. He talks up Dabba Kato's size and Braun Strowman's size. Shane says Owens met Dabba Kato. And now he wants to bring him out to the ring, so he does. Dabba-Kato comes out t0 the ring. He is very tall.
Owens says this is why he wanted Shane here. He knew Dabba-Kato wouldn't be far behind. Owens doesn't care about tonight's Raw Underground, but he cares about what happened two weeks ago. He says he remembers what Dabba-Kato did to him two weeks ago. He said he and Dabba-Kato are gonna fight at some point, but for now, here's something to chew on. He slaps him.
Shane holds Dabba-Kato back, and then Owens introduces his other guest tonight, Braun Strowman. Strowman comes to the ring. Shane gets between them. He says this fight can only happen on Raw Underground. He convinces Dabba-Kato to leave. While this is all going on, Aleister Black attacks Kevin Owens behind and rams his nuts into the ring post a bunch of times. Tom Phillips plays us a clip of Retribution interrupting the end of Raw last week.
Charly Caruso asks Drew McIntyre backstage if he has any concerns about competing with a broken jaw tonight. He says, yeah. She asks him about fighting his friend Keith Lee. Drew says someday they'll laugh about it over drinks, but right now, they're gonna beat the hell out of each other. Raw takes another commercial break.
What else will happen on a crazy (but not necessarily good) episode of WWE Monday Night Raw? Find out in part two of our report!
This post is part of a multi-part series: WWE Monday Night Raw Report for September 21st, 2020.