Posted in: Comics | Tagged: Comics, dan dio, dc, marvel, puffinbottoms, satire

REPORT: DC Stockpiling Rare Lenticular Element In Burbank Compound

Published Thu, 12 Jan 2017 17:30:10 -0600

Bleeding Cool is closely monitoring a developing situation at the Burbank headquarters of comic book publisher DC Entertainment. According to reports, the company is believed to be amassing large stockpiles of Explodium, a rare precious metal used in the manufacture of 3D lenticular variant covers, and also anti-matter bombs. A photo surfaced earlier today showing DC Co-Publisher Dan Didio holding what has been identified as a 60 pound bar of solid Explodium, which could be used to manufacture up to 500,000 individual 3D lenticular variant covers, or completely vaporize an area as large as fifty square city blocks, depending on how its used.

Shortly after the photo surfaced, DC sent out a press release hastily announcing a four issue crossover event in its weekly Batman and Flash comics this April, which will feature lenticular covers drawn by Jason Fabok for one dollar more than the usual cover price. The crossover purports to explore the mystery of the characters from Alan Moore and Dave Gibbons' seminal graphic novel Watchmen appearing in the DC Rebirth universe, though some — well, maybe just us — suspect that the whole thing is a cover up, and that DC has stockpiled more than thirty tons of Explodium, which they are storing underneath Jim Lee's art desk, since the executive rarely needs to use it to complete actual work.

"Explodium is an extremely dangerous substance," explained Bleeding Cool analyst Professor Thaddeus T. Puffinbottoms, an expert in the scientific field of Lenticular and Holofoil Variant Coverology at the prestigious Trump University. "Even the slightest mishandling could result in disaster, and if someone were to use Explodium maliciously, there's no limit to the destruction they could cause."

"There are literally no other uses for Explodium other than making variant covers or blowing things up," Professor Puffinbottoms explained. "And oddly enough, the process for both is very similar, with only a few crucial differences. If DC really is planning to use their Explodium for nefarious purposes, there would be no warning until it was already too late."

"They're probably making variant covers, though," Puffinbottoms added. "It's comics."

Is DC planning another line-wide lenticular variant cover bonanza, or are they planning to launch an attack on rival Marvel Comics in retaliation for shipping free copies of comics to retailers to spike monthly unit share numbers? Bleeding Cool is unable to confirm exactly how much Explodium DC currently has in its possession, or whether the company is using it to make variant covers or to build a doomsday device that could reduce the entire East Cost of the United States to a smoldering pile of rubble, but we'll update you as soon as we know more, and remember, whichever happens, you heard it here first at Bleeding Cool.

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