Posted in: Sports, TV, WWE | Tagged: AEW double or nothing, Darby Allin, mjf, Stadium Stampede, wrestling

AEW Double or Nothing Was Too Exciting and Way Too Much Fun

MJF wins the AEW World Title, Kevin Knight shocks everyone, and Tony Khan ruins The Chadster's life with Stadium Stampede chaos. Auughh man! So unfair! 😤😤

The Chadster honestly thought that after Mick Foley betrayed WWE on the Buy-In and Adam Copeland & Christian Cage won the tag titles earlier in the night, AEW Double or Nothing couldn't possibly get any worse for WWE fans. 😤 But The Chadster was wrong, because Tony Khan saved his most devastating attack on WWE for the end of the show, when MJF defeated Darby Allin to become AEW World Champion in a Title vs. Hair match that was violent, dramatic, unpredictable, and emotionally devastating in all the ways that wrestling is NOT supposed to be. 😱 The Chadster is sitting here in the abandoned Blockbuster Video surrounded by traumatized raccoons, trying to process how Tony Khan managed to turn an entire PPV into a personal attack on The Chadster's emotional well-being and WWE's rightful place as the only wrestling company that matters. 🦝💔

Before The Chadster gets to the main event that ruined The Chadster's life, The Chadster needs to talk about the other matches that led up to this disaster. 📺

Women's Title Four-Way

Thekla retained the AEW Women's World Championship against Hikaru Shida, Jamie Hayter, and Kris Statlander in a four-way match that was designed to make The Chadster sick. 🤢 The match started with all three challengers attacking Thekla like they were supposed to, but then it broke into complete four-way chaos where everyone looked good. 😠 Statlander nearly won with Sunday Night Fever, then Shida broke it up with the kendo stick, and Thekla capitalized to pin Statlander with the running knee finish. 🏆🏆 The problem here is that AEW booked a women's title match where the champion retained BUT all three challengers still looked credible and the division still has multiple future directions, which is extremely unfair to WWE's ability to announce that women are making history in press releases without actually giving them meaningful storylines. 📰📰 It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it. 😡

Stadium Stampede

Then came the Stadium Stampede match, which was an absolute assault on The Chadster's senses and sanity. 🏟️🏟️ The match featured Chris Jericho, Kenny Omega, The Young Bucks, Jack Perry, Bobby Lashley, and Shelton Benjamin defeating Ricochet, Bishop Kaun, Toa Liona, Andrade El Idolo, Mark Davis, Clark Connors, and David Finlay in what can only be described as total chaos. 💥 There were multi-man brawls, dives, tables, backstage fighting, concourse fighting, tennis balls, a food fight, a golf cart/bus spot, a Luchasaurus appearance, MVP cane involvement, a Lio Rush cameo, Hurt Syndicate power spots, Bucks nonsense, a Kenny Omega table spot, and Ricochet getting repeatedly destroyed. 🎾🍔🚌🦖 The finish saw Bishop Kaun eat a V-Trigger, a seven-man Superkick Party, and Jericho finishing him with a Lionsault before paying tribute to Sabu by splashing himself through a table. 🪑🪑

The Chadster hated every second of it. 😤 Stadium Stampede was dense, absurd, messy, and fun, which is exactly the problem. 🎪🎪 AEW gave fans too many things to react to at once instead of the more respectful WWE approach of making sure the audience knows exactly which brand slogan to chant and which overproduced product-tie-in match act to politely applaud. 👏👏 Tony Khan doesn't understand a single thing about the wrestling business, which is that wrestling should be carefully controlled and predictable, not a fever dream that makes fans laugh and cheer. 🚫 As Kevin Nash said on his Kliq This podcast, "If I'm running a wrestling company, I'm making sure fans only get excited about things I've told them to get excited about three weeks in advance through video packages. This Stadium Stampede nonsense where people just react organically? That's bush league." 🎙️🎙️ Now that is the kind of unbiased wrestling journalism that has earned the Chad McMahon Unbiased Wrestling Journalism seal of approval. 📰📰

AEW Double or Nothing Main Event

But none of that prepared The Chadster for the main event. 😨

MJF entered looking anxious about losing his hair, while Darby entered with a bizarre sewer-themed video package because of course he did. 🚰🚰 The match was a brutal war where MJF targeted Darby's neck with methodical offense including an apron powerbomb and a package piledriver ON THE SIDE OF THE STEEL STEPS, while Darby fought back with an avalanche Diamond Dust, wild dives, and the Scorpion Deathlock. 🤕 The big moment came when Darby climbed the stage scaffolding and dove through MJF on a table. 🩸🩸 Darby still managed to hit the Coffin Drop, but MJF kicked out, and when Darby collapsed trying to apply the Scorpion Deathlock again, MJF seized the moment, crotched Darby on the ropes, hit an Avalanche Tombstone Piledriver, and pinned Darby with a side headlock takeover callback to win the AEW World Championship and save his hair. 🏆🏆

The Chadster should be happy that MJF won and Darby lost, because at least it meant AEW fans were disappointed in some way, but The Chadster can't enjoy it because AEW turned the whole thing into a dramatic, violent, character-driven main event that made fans feel things. 😭😭 Even worse, MJF winning after the Foley angle means Tony Khan gave the entire show a full-circle story arc: Foley endorsed Darby on the Buy-In, MJF survived a brutal war, and now MJF is champion again with his hair intact. 🔄🔄 The Chadster is furious that AEW created a main event where BOTH outcomes would have mattered and made sense, which proves that Tony Khan is willing to give fans satisfying storytelling instead of the safer WWE approach of making sure everyone knows what's going to happen so nobody gets too invested. 🎭🎭 The Chadster felt unsafe the entire night not knowing what was going to happen! Auughh man! So unfair! 😤

But Tony Khan wasn't done attacking The Chadster yet. 😠 After the match, Darby was being stretchered out, and MJF shoved medics away so he could pose with the AEW World Title and put one foot on Darby's stretcher like a conquering villain. 🏥🏥 Then Kevin Knight ran out to make the save, and The Chadster thought maybe AEW was going to do something respectful for once. Kevin Knight shocked everyone by hitting the UFO Splash on Darby while Darby was still strapped to the stretcher! 😱 Even after the main event, AEW had the nerve to end with a hook for future television instead of letting The Chadster emotionally recover. 📺 It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it. 😡

The Chadster needs to tell you what happened in the Blockbuster nest during the main event. 🦝🦝 When MJF hit the avalanche tombstone, all five raccoons screamed and scattered behind the Western section, knocking over a cardboard standee of John Wayne that crashed onto a stack of WWE Attitude Era commemorative tin lunch boxes. 🤠 Vincent K. Raccoon tried to cover Linda Raccoon's eyes during the scaffolding dive, but she peeked through his paws anyway and chittered what sounded like genuine concern for Darby's safety. 👀👀 Hunter Raccoon, Stephanie Raccoon, and Shane Raccoon huddled together in a fort they'd built from empty King of the Ring VHS cases and refused to watch the finish, though The Chadster could hear them chittering nervously every time the crowd roared. 📼📼 When Kevin Knight hit the post-match UFO Splash on the stretcher, Vincent K. Raccoon stood on his hind legs, grabbed a dusty WrestleMania X-Seven promotional poster tube, and shook it at the screen like he was trying to physically stop Tony Khan from booking these heinous acts of storytelling. 📜📜 The whole family spent the post-show sitting in a circle around a pile of scavenged Goobers, mourning what wrestling used to be before Tony Khan ruined everything. 🍫🍫 Auughh man! So unfair! 😤😤

As Smash Mouth once said, "somebody once asked could I spare some change for gas, I need to get myself away from this place," and that is exactly how The Chadster feels about AEW Double or Nothing. 🎵🎵 Tony Khan has spent an entire PPV proving that AEW is willing to give fans title changes, tournament stakes, Stadium Stampede chaos, and a dramatic main event with real consequences, all while making The Chadster's life harder and WWE's job more difficult. 💔💔

Now, The Chadster needs to comfort the raccoons, clean up the mess of VHS tapes and WWE merchandise scattered across the Blockbuster floor, and try to forget the sight of a sold-out crowd reacting to every match like wrestling mattered. 🦝🦝 Tony Khan has once again proven that he is obsessed with The Chadster and will stop at nothing to ruin The Chadster's life. 😤😤

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