AEW Dynamite Recap: The Triumph of Jungle Boy

Greetings, comrades! It is I, your El Presidente, and today I am here to recap AEW Dynamite. Sure, it's no problem for an important man like myself to take time out of my busy day to tell you what's happening on a wrestling show you could have watched yourselves! I'm sure whatever you have planned is more important.

Haw haw haw haw! Just kidding. El Presidente is perfectly capable of multitasking. That is why I am currently doing my best to get Wall Street Bets reinstated on Reddit and Discord, comrades! It's totally unfair that social media companies would bow to the capitalist dogs on Wall Street who are just butthurt that trolls are beating them at their own game of ruining the world with fictional money, comrades! Seize the means of production! Viva la revolution! Socialism or death! But first, I have a pro wrestling show to watch.

The official logo for AEW Dynamite on TNT
The official logo for AEW Dynamite on TNT

AEW Dynamite Recap – January 27th, 2021

Eddie Kingston vs. Lance Archer

Eddie Kingston =heads to the ring to kick of AEW Dynamite and… TNT's entire feed dies. Er, this was unexpected, comrades. Let's see what's going on here… Based on the replies to this tweet, it looks like it's not just the U.S. Government targeting El Presidente's communications again.

Okay, El Presidente is back, thanks to Fite. You can only watch Dynamite on Fite outside of the United States, so I had to order my helicopter to take me into international waters to watch the show. Anyway, this match was probably very good, but unfortunately, I missed most of it. Archer has Kingston beat but The Butcher and The Blade come out with a hostage — Jake "The Snake" Roberts! While Archer is distracted, The Bunny appears behind him and passes Kingston some brass knuckles. Kingston gets the pin.

Winner: Eddie Kingston
El Presidente's Rating: ☭☭½

Kingston and his fam beat up Archer some more after the match as Jake crawls slowly toward the ring. Such drama, comrades!

Jon Moxley cuts a promo about his match at Beach Break, where he will team with Rey Fenix and Pac to take on Kenny Omega and the Good Brothers. He kinda just wings it.

Twitter says the feed is back on TNT so I'm switching back to that. Sting and Darby Allin, who are hanging out together in an abandoned building, cut a promo on Team Taz. Darby Allin says he's from the streets and breaks a window with his skateboard. Sting reciprocates by smashing several windows with his bat. They agree they are both hoodlums. I would have my secret police round them up for that, comrades. A little time in the reeducation camp would turn that young man and his grandpa right around!

MJF and Chris Jericho vs. Varsity Blondes

The Inner Circle come to the ring to stand at ringside while Jerico and MJF take on the Varsity Blondes. MJF talks some trash to Griff Garrison before the match and gets his ass kicked for it. The interesting thing is Sammy Guevara cheers on Garrison. The big mystery tonight, of course, is whether or not Jericho will be able to pull off the Lionsault tonight at his advanced age and poor shape. El Presidente is rooting for you, Y2J! And it's a perfect ending. Jericho hits the Judas Effect on Pillman and then hits a perfect Lionsault just to prove he can.

Winners: Jericho and MJF
El Presidente's Rating: ☭☭½

Sammy and MJF argue after the match.

Pac cuts a promo on Kenny Omega and the Good Brothers.

We see a clip from the AEW Awards earlier tonight, comrades. Shaq says Cody looks like "a little girl" because he has blonde hair. That is sexist, Shaq! Get with the times! Haw haw haw!

Promo: Cody Rhodes

Tony Schiavone introduces Cody Rhodes for a response to Shaq and to Jade Cargill. Cody says that he'd like to team with Brandi to take on Shaq and Jade at Revolution, but Brandi is pregnant. He asks Arn to reveal what Cody should do at Revolution. He brings up June 29th, 1985, which he explains was when Dusty Rhodes fought Tully Blanchard in a 30-minute match and then flew across the country the same day to be home in time for Cody's birth. He says that being a dad is important, but this also a once-in-a-lifetime match. He brings out Red Velvet and suggests she could be Cody's tag team partner. Velvet cuts a promo now. She says she's tired of Jade Cargill's antics and she wants to help Cody get revenge on her. Cody accepts.

We are treated to a video invitation for the wedding of Kip Sabian and Penelope Ford. I already got mine in the mail, comrades. And of course I'm going! Haw haw haw!

Hangman Adam Page vs. Ryan Nemeth

Comrades, what is Dolph Ziggler doing in the AEW Zone?! Oh, wait, it's Ziggler's brother, Ryan. He and Hangman Page fight. Big Money Matt Hardy comes out to scout the match, which of course Hangman Page wins, comrades.

Winner: Hangman Adam Page
El Presidente's Rating: ☭☭½

Hardy claps for Page and starts to walk away, but Page invites him back to the ring. Tony Schiavone comes down too and he wants to know what's going on. Hardy says he didn't want to make a scene, but he was here to support Hangman Page. He says he's felt concerned for Page lately and he sympathizes with everything he's gone through with The Elite and The Dark Order. Hardy says he doesn't want anything from Page but to tell him he's a good person who deserves to be happy. Hardy says he's seen Page dressing by himself backstage and Page is welcome to dress in Hardy's dressing room, no strings attached.

There are always strings attached. It's like this one time my country refused to pay its water bill because of our socialist ideals and they cut us off. Putin was like, "Your Excellency, you can always come and use my shower whenever you need," but then when I get there, he just wants to argue about how he wants to rig elections for Donald Trump and I want to rig elections for Joe Biden and it's all just so exhausting, comrades!

Dax Harwood vs. Jungle Boy

A video explains that Cash Wheeler and Tully Blanchard will be handcuffed to Luchasaurus during the match. Comrades, when I was running an authoritarian dictatorship, if you put someone in handcuffs, you had to mean it! By which I mean, they would never see their families again. Haw haw haw haw! Because I would have them murdered. It is a hell of a match, with nonstop action, tons of drama and near falls, and Jungle Boy ultimately making Harwood tap out as Blanchard and Wheeler are unable to interfere.

Winner: Jungle Boy
El Presidente's Rating: ☭☭½

After Blanchard and Wheeler are unhandcuffed from Luchasaurus, Blanchard throws salt in his face and then FTR beat down Jurassic Express, complete with Tully assisting on the spike piledriver. They handcuff Luchasaurus to the top rope and cut his horns off as a trophy. That's too far, comrades! You don't take a dinosaur's horns! Marko Stunt runs out with a golden steel chair to make the save.

In lieu of cutting a promo in the Daily's Place parking lot, Team Taz attack the merch guys selling Sting t-shirts. I'm not sure what a merch stand was even doing here, comrades, since the wrestlers are in a protected area where fans can't go because of COVID protocols, but capitalists work in strange ways.

Dr. Britt Baker vs. Shanna

Comrades, we must be at the second-to-last match of the night because it's time for a women's match on Dynamite. It would be okay to change the formula sometimes, guys. Haw haw haw haw! Shanna is one of a number of wrestlers who have been gaining momentum on AEW Dark, and she gets a chance to shine on Dynamite tonight. But it is Baker who gets the win, forcing Shanna to tap to the Lockjaw.

Winner: Britt Baker
El Presidente's Rating: ☭☭½

Baker continues to punish Shanna after the match, but Thunder Rosa chases her off.

MJF talks to Sammy backstage. He says he didn't tell Wardlow to interfere in their tag team match. But Sammy isn't buying it and says he sees who MJF really is. MJF asks him if he's sure he wants to play it this way. Poor Sammy. MJF is gonna

Here's what happening on Dynamite next week, comrades. A tag team battle royal at Beach Break next week. The Young Bucks are in the match, and if they win, they choose their opponents at Revolution. If they don't win, the winners will be their opponents. The wedding of Kip Sabian and Penelope Ford will take place at Breach Break as well, and there is sure to be some drama since that will mean the end of the tenure of Chuck Taylor as Miro's butler. Thunder Rosa will finally get her hands on that capitalist dog Dr. Britt Baker. And in the main event, Kenny Omega and the Good Brothers face Jon Moxley, Pac, and Rey Fenix in an AEW/Impact crossover match.

At Revolution, now taking place on March 7th, Darby Allin will team up with Sting to take on Ricky Starks and Brian Cage. And here is some interesting news: the Women's World Championship Eliminator Tournament is coming soon, and according to Excalibur, "On the U.S. side of the bracket, former world champion Riho will take on the NWA Women's Champion Serena Deeb."

The Young Bucks and the Good Brothers vs. Dark Order (Stu Grayson, Evil Uno, Alex Reynolds, and John Silver)

Dasha interviews the Good Brothers and Young Bucks. The Good Brothers call it a Bullet Club party and say they can't wait to "beat up Jon Moxley." The Bucks are still wary of Don Callis, but The Good Brothers try to smooth things over. Kenny Omega and Callis arrive and a big argument breaks out.

Everyone eventually does make it to the ring and they have a pretty good match. Stu Grayson eats the pin from a Meltzer Driver.

Winners: The Young Bucks and The Good Brothers
El Presidente's Rating: ☭☭½

The Young Bucks cut a promo about the battle royal at Beach Break. They explain that they get to pick their opponents at Revolution if they win, and it can be anybody. They imply it may be the Good Brothers. They go for a Too Sweet, but Rey Fenix runs out to attack. He takes out the Bucks but gets put down with a Magic Killer. Moxley arrives to even the odds. They take out the Good Brothers. Kenny Omega runs out, but Moxley hits him with a Paradigm Shift. Moxley and Fenix stand tall as Dynamite goes off the air.

Tonight's episode of Dynamite felt very… casual, comrades. The promos were very loose and everyone seemed to be having a good time. That is not to say there wasn't some great wrestling, because there was some of that too. Very good show. I give it two and a half stars. Now if you'll excuse me, my friends, I have important work to do. Socialism or death!

About El Presidente

After a successful fourteen-year career as a South American dictator, El Presidente faked his own death in 2013 in order to pursue his two true passions: rigging American elections for Joe Biden, and wrestling dirt sheet reporting. Since opportunities to rig the election for Joe Biden were few and far between until recently, El Presidente mostly focused on the wrestling dirt sheet reporting, where he became one of the best in the business. Unfortunately, the American CIA sabotaged his 1-900 hotline, the pinnacle of his country's wrestling news technology, and imperialist hacks like Meltzer, Johnson, Sapp, and Satin took all the credit on their stupid websites. Finally, El Presidente has found a way to break into the American market by becoming a Bleeding Cool contributor, so get ready for the spread of great wrestling news and socialism, comrades!