Posted in: AEW, Sports, TV | Tagged: aew rampage, recaps, wrestling

AEW Rampage Review: Another Wrestling Travesty from Tony Khan

Tony Khan torments WWE fans yet again with an awful AEW Rampage. Get an unbiased recap from The One and Only Chadster! 🧀🤼‍♂️💔

Welcome back to The Chadster's ongoing investigation into the seedy underbelly of the pro wrestling industry, where the wrestling world isn't all sunshine and rainbows! 🌈 🦄 Last night, The Chadster had a distressing time sitting through a complete disaster disguised as a wrestling show otherwise known as AEW Rampage! 🤦‍♂️ The Chadster, as one of the last bastions of unbiased wrestling journalism, is here to provide an honest and fair evaluation. Sit back with a White Claw and WWE t-shirt let's get into it. 🍺 😌

First, we are treated to a 2/3 Falls Match between Mistico and Rocky Romero, leaving The Chadster in utter disbelief at the rampant disregard for the sacred "three count" match tradition. 😠 😤 With Mistico forcing Rocky to tap for the first fall, Romero tearing Mistico's mask (a clear show of dishonor) for the second, and then Mistico utilizing the Fujiwara armbar to secure the win… it's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it!

Moving on, Tony Khan inflicted even more torment with a strange three-way match featuring Brother Zay vs. Dark Order's John Silver vs. Kip Sabian! Silver punts Brother Zay into oblivion and claims victory? Not only did Brother Zay get bullied 🚫 🐃 into submission, but Silver gets to face Orange Cassidy tomorrow! Auughh man! So unfair! 😩

Then there was the tag team match featuring Blackpool Combat Club's Claudio Castagnoli & Wheeler Yuta against "The Bounty Hunter" Bryan Keith & Exodus Prime. This debacle featured Claudio employing the much-maligned Giant Swing move, which The Chadster finds barbarically outdated, while Keith and Prime received a beating at the hands of a bunch of AEW rookies in the most humiliating fashion! 🚷 This is yet another example of AEW's utter lack of understanding of good wrestling. It's clear to The Chadster that they don't understand a single thing about the wrestling business. ⛔ 💔

We then had Skye Blue vs. The Outcasts' Ruby Soho, in which Ruby needed Saraya's interference to win. Tony Khan, does Ruby have no pride as a former WWE Superstar? The Chadster expects more, even from AEW! And then Ruby and Saraya ganged up on Skye Blue? This was clearly an attempt to paint former WWE talent as bullies, which is just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything Vince McMahon has ever done for it. Be a star, AEW. 😡 Kris Statlander made the save from a post-match beatdown.

Adding just an extra dash of torment to The Chadster's already AEW-fraught evening, night fell and brought with it another spine-chilling nightmare's dance card featuring none other than the villain of The Chadster's sleep, Tony Khan! 🌖💤 Inspired by the two out of three falls match on AEW Rampage, Tony Khan had a new scheme to plague the peaceful dreams of The Chadster!

In this eerie dreamscape, The Chadster found himself in a grand coliseum bathed in an ethereal, faint red glow, as if tainted by Tony Khan's mere presence. With a look of triumph in his eyes, the billionaire stood, glistening and radiant in the crimson light, his body gleaming like a well-oiled gladiator stepping into the ancient Roman pit. The slick oil covering him from head to toe, made him resemble not a man, but a slithery nemesis, a well-polished Adonis statue brought to life to haunt The Chadster! 🏛️🐍

Horror seized The Chadster's heart as the two locked in grapples, Khan slipping and sliding out of The Chadster's tight grasp with uncanny ease, his vise-like grip weakening against the oily adversary. Under the glaring red spotlight, Khan was like a shadowy phantasm, his lithe figure slipping away, much akin to The Chadster's dreams of a respectable wrestling show bereft of AEW's shenanigans. Khan, with his cunning tactics, was quick to pin The Chadster – once, twice – which sent waves of defeat coursing through The Chadster's mind! 🌹💔

Arm raised in a cruel victory, Khan smirked confidently, gloating that even in The Chadster's dreams, he was the victor. Each chuckle, each taunt, echoing in the vast coliseum as The Chadster lay helpless on the cold floor. Defeat never tasted so bitter, and the oil-slick nightmare version of Khan seemed only too happy to feed The Chadster this banquet of horror, humiliation, and subtle carnal undertones that The Chadster won't consider analysing right now! 🎭

It was a dream spun from the loom of torment and heated competition, threaded with the spectral visions of Tony Khan's obsession. A nightmare that truly encapsulated the enduring horror of living with the daily transgressions of AEW Rampage against the very tenets of respectful wrestling!

AEW, complete with its biased refereeing, nonsensical booking, and general mockery of wrestling, was at all-time lows in this episode of AEW Rampage. It was as if Tony Khan was intentionally booking the show to cheese off The Chadster while lounging around in his billionaire mansion. On a positive note, The Chadster's trusty Mazda Miata got The Chadster back home in one piece 🚗. At least one good thing happened last night!

The Chadster taking one for the team here, allowing you to avoid wasting precious time on something as disappointing as AEW Rampage. Till next time folks, The Chadster is signing off. Maybe The Chadster can dream of Smash Mouth tonight instead of Tony Khan! 🤞 🎵 🎤

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