Greetings, comrades! It is I, your El Presidente, and I will reveal the surprise I have secured for Chad McMahon before the end of this report. But first, we are nearing the final hour of AEW Revolution, and I must report on this ladder match.
AEW Revolution Results Part 7
Max Castor comes out first so he can drop some rhymes about Lola Bunny's flat chest and Dr. Seuss getting canceled. Very topical stuff, amigos. The rest of the competitors come out: Lance Archer, Scorpio Skye, Penta El Zero M, and then the mystery person: "All Ego" Ethan Page, who has apparently signed with AEW, comrades.
Face of the Revolution Ladder Match
Suspended above the ring is a giant brass ring. The competitors must literally climb a ladder and grab a brass ring. Comrades, the marks must really have their panties in a bunch on Reddit about this one. This match has a lot of crazy spots, comrades. Like Page powerbombing Scorpio Sky into a ladder with Lance Archer in between the two sides of the ladder. Or like Penta hitting a destroyer on Cody Rhodes onto a ladder suspended between the ring and the barrier, which leads to Cody getting taken backstage. Or a sunset flip powerbomb off the ladder from Castor on Page. OR Archer kneeing Sky off the top turnbuckles and through a ladder on the outside.
After a while, Cody comes back out, selling an injury to his left shoulder. He stops Page from grabbing the ring and hits a Crossroads on him, but instead of going for the ring, he sets up the ladder to hit a dive on PAge. But Archer suplexes him off the ladder and Castor hits a big elbow drop right onto Rhodes' shoulder. Then Archer chokeslams everybody and hits the blackout on Castor onto a ladder. Ouch, comrades!
Archer goes for the ring but Page interrupts. He hits a Razor's Edge on Archer. Then Jake the Snake gets in the ring and hits a clothesline on Page. Then Penta superkicks Jake, who is helped away by referees. Cody, Penta, and Scorpio Sky each try to climb the ladder. Sky and Rhodes end up at the top of the ladder and Sky attacks the shoulder and shoves Cody off. Sky grabs the brass ring.
Winner: Scorpio Sky
El Presidente's Rating: ☭☭½
That was a fine match, comrades. Those guys have a lot of cojones to get involved in a match like that. It is exciting to see Scorpio Sky on the brink of a push as well.
Ok, comrades, it is time for me to deliver my surprise to my colleague, The Chadster, who will be taking over this AEW Revolution live coverage for the next match. Chad, there is somebody who you have been trying to get in touch with, amigo. Somebody who will not return your calls. But nobody dares ignore the calls of El Presidente… since I would have them executed if they did! Haw haw haw haw! So I have gotten through to this person, and I have a message for you, Chadster… that I will reveal at the end of the show tonight.
Comrades, the capitalist pigs that control the means of production at Bleeding Cool have demanded I provide you with this paragraph of SEO keyword-rich text so that they can continue to fill their coffers with the product of the people's labor. One day, El Presidente vows, they will all die like dogs. But until that day comes, my friends, I must play their game for now.
AEW Revolution emanates tonight from Daily's Place in Jacksonville, Florida. Airing on PPV, B/R Live, and Fite (depending on your region), AEW Revolution kicks off at 8PM Eastern, with the Buy-In Pre-Show starting a half-hour earlier and airing on YouTube, social media, elsewhere There are eight matches booked for the main card, plus on major segment as Paul Wight will reveal AEW's newest signing, a "major star in the world of wrestling" according to Tony Khan. The Buy-In also features a single match, with Thunder Rosa and Riho teaming up to take on Britt Baker and Rebel.
On the main card of AEW Revolution, the main event sees Jon Moxley challenge Kenny Omega for the AEW World Championship in an Exploding Barbed Wire Deathmatch. The Women's World Championship is also on the line as champion Hikaru Shida defends against the winner of the Eliminator tournament, Ryo Mizunari. Also, The Young Bucks defend the AEW Tag Team Championships against the Inner Circle's Chris Jericho and MJF. In other AEW Revolution matches with championship implications, The Face of the Revolution Ladder Match, featuring Cody Rhodes, Scorpio Sky, Penta El Zero M, Lance Archer, Max Castor, and a mystery competitor (not the same person as Paul Wight's mystery person), will crown a new number one contender for the TNT Championship, while a Casino Tag Team Royale match will pit Private Party, Santana and Ortiz, The Butcher and the Blade, Evil Uno and Stu Grayson, John Silver and Alex Reynolds, Top Flight, and Bear Country against each other for a shot at the Tag Team Championships.
And also happening at AEW Revolution, Sting and Darby Allin face Brian Cage and Ricky Starks in a Street Fight. Hangman Page takes on Matt Hardy in a Big Money Match, with the winner getting the loser's earnings for the first quarter of 2021. And Orange Cassidy and Chuck Taylor team up to face Miro and Kip Sabian. Bleeding Cool will be churning out as many clickbait articles as possible from the PPV, so strap in Sunday night for exciting commentary about the show broken up into highly valuable clickable morsels.