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SNL UK Cold Open: Andrew/Epstein Files Scandal Actually an MI5 Plan?

Tonight's SNL UK Cold Open imagines that former Prince Andrew's Epstein Files scandal was part of a plan to make King Charles look good.

Just imagine. Next weekend, we're going to be treated to two cold opens when NBC's Saturday Night Live returns with host Jack Black and musical guest Jack White. But tonight, SNL UK was still flying solo, targeting former Prince Andrew's relationship to Jeffrey Epstein in the opener that imagined the entire controversy as being a "29-year plan" to make now-King Charles look good. Set in 1997, during a meeting at the MI5 headquarters in 1997, shortly after the death of Princess Diana, Celeste Dring's MI5 agent explains the seriousness of the situation to Prince Andrew (Jack Shep, who made headlines last week with his impression of Diana).

"Since the death of Diana, the public have turned on Prince Charles. But still, one day he will be king. We need to make him look good. There's no easy way to say this, Your Highness. We have deduced that the only way to increase the likability of our future king is to decrease the likability of everyone around him," Dring's agent explains. "I see," Shep's Andrew replied. "Well, I love my brother, I love my country, and I'm willing to do whatever it takes." He learns exactly what "whatever it takes" means after Hammed Animashaun's MI5 agent hands him the book with the "29-year plan" laid out.

"And you actually want me to do all of this stuff? Even the part about befriending a notorious pedophile? Before and after he's convicted? And there's absolutely no other way to help my brother look good?" Andrew asks, shocked by what he had just read. To drive home the point of the plan to him, Andrew meets with Larry Dean's Peter Mandelson and Emma Sidi's Sarah Ferguson, two more "agents" recruited to make Charles look good. Thankfully for Andrew, Dring's agent lets him know that he has an out if he's ever in trouble: "Your Highness, if you're ever in too deep, just say the code word, and we'll step in to save you." The code word? "Pizza Express, Woking," (a knife-twist on Andrew's alibi regarding his relationship with Epstein. But in the end, Andrew chooses to do what's best for Charles – because 2026 will clearly be better… right? "Gentlemen, thank you, and say goodbye to the man you love. I'll see you in 2026, when I can finally hold my head up high and say… Live from London, it's Saturday night!" noted Andrew, before Shep took over for the big SNL UK callout.

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