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EXCLUSIVE: The Great E-Mail Back-And-Forth Of 2009

Sometime yesterday, Paul Jenkins' e-mail got hacked by something. And sent out a message "Have a great day!" to his e-mail contact list, all on the cc. And since I'd been chatted to him sometime in the last six months, I got the message too.

And then everyone started replying.

Mike Malve: Is this like a suicide note of some kind?

Peter David: I dunno. I just saw a blank page. I thought it was some kind of zen thing.

Frank Tieri: I think it's spam. Paul's going to send a follow up email next asking us if we want to buy cheap meds from Canada.

Jimmy Palmiotti: this e mail just friggin ruined my day. happy birthday frank.

Warren Ellis: I CONTACT YOU FROM NIGERIA WITH GOOD NEWS. I imagine poor old Paul's just gotten a device virused.

Mike Carlin: And now WE are sick, too! >kaff!< >kaff!<

Emmett Furey: This is just Paul's daily "Have a great day!" e-mail. Is he just adding you guys to this list now?

Cully Hamner: Hey, why don't we all just talk shit about Paul?

Sean McKeever: Who?

Cully Hamner: Paul. Paul Jenkins. You know, the guy with the fake British accent?

Sean McKeever: Ohhhh! The one who pays that lovely, intelligent woman and her son to pretend they're his family? Says he used to be in a band, was a golf instructor, plays soccer, secretly created the Ninja Turtles, etc…. Nope. Never heard of him.

Palmio: if everyone on this list that owes me money actually paid me back, I would be a wealthy man. sorry frank, i couldn't afford a present for you.

Filip Sablik: Who is this Paul Jenkins fellow? He sure does know a lot of fine people…

Frank Tieri: Wow. Two bithdays in two weeks. Lucky me. You win this round, Quesada. PS I'm still holding out hope this is spam so I can get that much needed discount on viagra for Palmiotti.

Palmio: I do need viagra frank. your mom is killing me. ;]

Frank Tieri: As long as you still find my dad attractive, that's all I care about, Jimmy.

Rachel Stavis: 1)This is a random holiday card
2) An interesting master plan to bring us all together
OR
3) A strange spam that will soon ask us all if we are happy with our penis size

Well, Happy Holidays everyone!

Steve Lieber (art) from Jim Pascoe's script;

Neil Gaiman: Oh. THAT Paul Jenkins. The "Have a GREAT Day" man. Got it.

Then Paul Jenkins stepped up;

Bloody Hell.

As you are by now no doubt aware, this afternoon I managed to send an email copied to one hundred of the scruffiest people in the comics industry. You are probably wondering why you are on that list. But don't worry, chums, you are not alone:

(1) Some have speculated that this is, in fact, the viral campaign of a mad genius. But since I am involved I think you pretty much have your answer right there.

(2) Maybe it was a SPAM email conceived and implemented by some dude named Oleg who lives just South of Minsk. Oleg wishes to introduce himself to your Social Security number, and this is his way of alerting you that you are about to get a letter from your bank manager.

(3) One enterprising individual describes this as "the greatest inter-company crossover ever." Perhaps that was my plan all along. However if this were true they would be assigning it to Bendis right about now.

(4) Maybe it was a last, fond goodbye before I kicked out the chair and left this world of pain and suffering, swapping it for an eternity of pain and suffering instead? Entirely possible, I suppose. In that case, I am writing this from beyond the grave and I can see your house from here.

(5) This is one of those teenager horror emails where the last person to hit REPLY ALL is found hanging by their spinal cord from the Sphinx, with a note attached to them that reads, "Say My Name." In which case I'd urge you to send this on to ten people from Nigeria as quickly as possible.

(6) Or maybe — just maybe — Gmail is staffed by a bunch of pillocks who acknowledge that their own server managed to take a harmless test email, remove the "Blind Copy" function and provide one hundred of Comics' Scruffiest with the email addresses of the other Ninety-Nine. Maybe the PR firm hired to send out press releases from my new email address performed their first, last, and only function at precisely 1.42 PM this afternoon. This outlandish explanation is clearly the least believable of the six options but I thought I'd throw it out there for all you conspiracy theorists.

In any event, I am glad to have provided you all with the chance to bust my balls this afternoon. Never let it be said that you are unable to seize upon an opportunity.

Have a Great Day!

Jenks

We will, Paul, we will…

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