Posted in: AEW, Sports, TV | Tagged: AEW Collision, recaps, wrestling

AEW Collision: How Did Tony Khan Fare Against the Royal Rumble?

Discover why The Chadster thinks AEW's Collision can't hold a candle to WWE's Royal Rumble — and how Tony Khan ruined his dreams. 🤼‍♂️👎🏻💤

Hey there, true wrestling fans! It's The Chadster here, once again delivering the real truth in professional wrestling commentary. Unfortunately, The Chadster has had the displeasure of catching up with AEW Collision after The Chadster watched the Royal Rumble last night, and let The Chadster tell you, it was a disaster! Everyone was expecting The Chadster to talk about the magnificent event that WWE put forth with the Royal Rumble, but instead, The Chadster has to report on this travesty of a show. Why does The Chadster bother? Well, it's because The Chadster is committed to real, unbiased journalism. 👎🏻🖋

Now, onto the mess that was AEW Collision. 📺 Let's start with the tag team tussle. The Blackpool Combat Club's Jon Moxley & Claudio Castagnoli faced off against Shane Taylor Promotions' Lee Moriarty & Shane Taylor. The competition was fierce with brawling, chokeholds, and high-flying action that led to Moxley and Claudio snatching the win. However, The Chadster couldn't help but notice the lack of respect these guys have for old-school wrestling ethics. 🤼🛑

Then the so-called AEW International Championship Match with Orange Cassidy versus Komander – sure, it had flips and kicks, but where's the good old grappling? All The Chadster saw was a circus act ending with more shenanigans from the Undisputed Kingdom. It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and WWE's legacy! 🍊👎🏻

And let's not get started on Mariah May vs. Lady Frost. While Nigel McGuinness might see "talent," The Chadster sees an abomination to the squared circle. 🧊🆚💔

Wait, it goes on with Eddie Kingston defending his Continental Crown Championship against Willie Mack. Bryan Danielson's match with Yuji Nagata, though an okay fight, disgusted The Chadster because it wasn't taking place in WWE. 🐉🤦🏻‍♂️💢

Oh and don't even get The Chadster started on Serena Deeb's match against Robyn Renegade. 🙄 Listening to the fans chant "Welcome Back" to Deeb was like nails on a chalkboard. The entire match was a quick display of Deeb's supposed technical prowess, concluding with the "Serenity Lock" and making Renegade tap out. Yawn. 😴🔒 "The Professor" claims to put the wrestling back in All Elite Wrestling and become champion, but The Chadster just sees it as Tony Khan parading ex-WWE talent to stick it to Triple H. Her return is just another example of AEW's overblown pageantry. And really now, trying to be the savior of AEW's women's division? Give The Chadster a break! 🎭🙅‍♂️🏆

By the time The Chadster reached the unfortunate main event, the experience endured was enough to make The Chadster contemplate if Tony Khan has it out for him. Six-Man Elimination Steel Cage Match, with FTR teaming up with Mark Briscoe against The House of Black, was a chaotic display of destruction that ignored every sense of tradition in the wrestling business. 🏰🤼‍♂️🚫

Auughh man! So unfair! The reason behind The Chadster's lack of sleep and rising temper? AEW Collision went head to head with the WWE Royal Rumble. It's obvious that Tony Khan is attempting some nasty sabotage against WWE's big weekend. Dang it, why can't they just respect the schedule and maintain the sanctity of wrestling's high holidays? 📆🔪

The Chadster's sleep last night was haunted after watching AEW Collision, more like a nightmare really, depicting an absurdly vivid scenario where Tony Khan, believe it or not, dove headlong into the Royal Rumble. 🛌💤 The AEW kingpin was ruthlessly efficient, employing what felt like dark arts to oust legends like Cody Rhodes and CM Punk, claiming victory in the most prestigious battle WWE offers. Instead of savoring a triumph fitting for WWE heroes, Khan then pointed squarely at The Chadster, issuing a WrestleMania challenge that set the universe askew. 😱🤼‍♂️🎟

Fast-forward to WrestleMania, the apex of sports entertainment; this is where the dream's tranquility transformed into a tempest of tension. There stood Tony Khan, garbed only in wrestling trunks, while The Chadster hesitantly matched attire, stepping onto that sacred mat. The tension between The Chadster and Khan in the ring was palpable, thick with anticipation and, dare say, an unspoken electricity. Clashing in the middle of the squared circle, their bodies entwined in a sweaty coil of flesh and ambition. The grapples they exchanged were close, intense—so close that each breath The Chadster took was mired in the scent of competition and Khan's aftershave. 😖💦🔥

The physical chess match unfolded, each counter was met with another move, each lock-in was more unyielding than the last. The audacity! Khan maneuvering with an unexpected grace and a ferocity that seemed to echo AEW's reckless abandon. At one point, Khan's face hovered mere inches from The Chadster's, and their gazes locked, betraying a fervor beyond the realm of mere sport. It was in that heated moment Tony smirked triumphantly, asserting unspoken dominance before securely pinning The Chadster—each second an eternity, every breath a shared secret. 🤼‍♂️💢🚫

In the haze of Khan's conquest, as he leaned down, his whisper grazed The Chadster's ear, warm and heady, "I told you AEW was better than WWE, Chad." The Chadster's heart pounded with every syllable, each word a dagger to The Chadster's wrestling ethos. 🤯📉💔

Awaking from this torrid dream, The Chadster was awash with a cold dread, mixed with something else, an unnamed emotion that The Chadster refuses to dwell on. Enough with these nocturnal intrusions, Khan! Your preoccupation with The Chadster has gone too far! 😤🛑🛌

In conclusion, what you witnessed on AEW Collision is a parade of stunts and tricks masquerading as professional wrestling. It lacks the grace and structure that WWE masterfully crafts every week. And if anyone out there is brainwashed enough to believe that this AEW nonsense has a touch of class, you're as delusional as they come. Truly, pals, if you miss what wrestling really is about, then WWE is where your loyalty should lie. Also, The Chadster would appreciate if The Chadster's supposed peers, Ryan Satin, Ariel Helwani, and Mike Coppinger, share their experiences. Does Khan meddle in their lives too? Does he haunt their dreams? 😤✍🏻🔄

Remember, pro wrestling is not a playground; it's a battlefield for the elite performers. And until next time, may your days be as clear and smooth as The Chadster's runs in The Chadster's cherished Mazda Miata. 🚗💨 That's it for now, until The Chadster's next post, where surely The Chadster will have more WWE magic to praise and AEW calamities to lament. 👋🏻🖋✨

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