Posted in: AEW, Sports, TV | Tagged: aew rampage, recaps, wrestling

AEW Rampage Review Reveals Tony Khan's Toilet Tissue Torment

Yes, AEW Rampage was the worst it's ever been, but what really has The Chadster cheesed is what Tony Khan did to his toilet paper. 🤯💩 🧻

Hey there loyal readers of The Chadster! 🚀 The Chadster is back with another brutally honest take on the abomination that was AEW Rampage 🤢. This catastrophe was broadcast from Indiana, with Excalibur, "The Ocho" Chris Jericho, and Tony Schiavone blaring in your eardrums. The Chadster was hoping they'd brought their A-game. Auughh man! So unfair! 😩

The show started off with a Grand Slam World Title Eliminator Tournament Quarter-Final Match featuring Jay Lethal going toe-to-toe with Penta El Zero Miedo 💔. Even though Lethal put up a fight, Penta won thanks to outside interference and, shocker, a distracting wardrobe malfunction. The Chadster was so cheesed off! 😡 It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it.

Then came Sammy Guevara sidling up to Chris Jericho with a thirst for confrontation 🎭. The pair decided to settle their dispute the old-fashioned way – in a match at AEW's biggest show, Grand Slam, in New York City. The Chadster can only assume Tony Khan is puppeteering this because he gets a kick out of driving him crazy. 😤💥

Next up was a dreadful Trios Match among Dr. Britt Baker, D.M.D., Hikaru Shida, & Skye Blue against Anna Jay, Taya Valkyrie, & The Bunny (with Penelope Ford). The Chadster is begging anyone to make it stop. Baker and company won, but the result didn't feel important. It was all about the tension between Shida and Baker. They don't respect the match; they stabbed Vince McMahon right in the back. 😭🔪

The Young Bucks then went up against Angelo Parker & Matt Menard. The Bucks won, no real surprise there. But the taunting chants aimed at Jake Hager? Seriously? That's Khan's idea of quality entertainment? 🍅👎

The night ended with a match between Samoa Joe and Jeff Hardy. Joe emerged victorious, crushing all hopes for Hardy fans. The folks at AEW Rampage just don't understand a single thing about the wrestling business! 🌩️

Here's what has The Chadster all wound up today. You wouldn't believe the audacity of Tony Khan! So there The Chadster was, beginning his morning with the regular routine, a sun salutation to the beloved WWE Smackdown poster on the bathroom wall, and then easing into his daily constitutional. There The Chadster was, on his porcelain throne, the sanctity of the scene blemished only by the bleached-white sterility and the troublesome truth that the bathroom, unfortunately, does not contain enough room for The Chadster's prized possession, his Mazda Miata 🚗.

As The Chadster reached for the usual aide to his morning business, a bone-chilling sight met his eyes! The toilet paper hanging from the holder was over, not under! It was a horrifying sight, a wilting dagger of dread drenched in cold betrayal. But, why was it such a big deal? Well, The Chadster is a man of particular taste. He likes his music à la Smash Mouth 🎤, his drink brimming with White Claw seltzer🍹, and his toilet paper always, inexorably hung under, never over. After all, we're not savages! The only other person privy to this information is his estranged love, Keighleyanne, who conveniently ignored The Chadster's loud exclamations from the bathroom, her fingers flying like furious hummingbirds over her phone keyboard, no doubt texting that jabroni Gary. 🧻

The Chadster's mind began to whirl, a tornado of frustration, helplessness, and pure, unadulterated fear. Could it be a fluke? A cruel jest by fate? Alas! Rationally thinking about it, The Chadster realized, there's no escaping the mind-numbingly obvious – it was undoubtedly a misdeed committed by Tony Khan! It comes as no surprise really; the man's unrequited obsession with The Chadster is news to no one. But resorting to such invasive and terror-stricken tactics? This is a new level of vindictiveness even for Tony! Auughh man! So unfair! 💥

Say, how would Tony have pulled this off, though? The answer is disturbing yet simple. The Chadster's not oblivious to Khan's hefty bank balance, backed by his billionaire father. IWhat other possible explanation could there be for this downright twisted act? The Chadster attempted to contemplate different scenarios but there was one particular theory that kept nagging at him. Could it be that Tony Khan had snuck through Tudor-style window of The Chadster's quaint suburban abode, tip-toed up to the bathroom and cruelly twisted The Chadster's toilet roll to be over, not under? The mere thought sent a spine-chilling shiver right down The Chadster's spine. It seems unimaginable, yet plausible given Tony Khan's relentless obsession with The Chadster. As outrageous as it sounds, this might well be the harsh reality The Chadster is now faced with. 💔

Just the thought sends cold tremors down The Chadster's spine and a grimace of distaste twisting his normally placid countenance. It's another dastardly deed in Tony Khan's ongoing, baseless vendetta against The Chadster, leaving him at wits' end, sitting atop his porcelain kingdom, wrestling with the turmoil of his disrupted morning sanctum and an overhanging toilet paper roll. To add insult to injury, it's clear now that those AEW reprobates just don't understand a single thing about bathroom etiquette. It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it 🚽.

It's another cheesed-off week for The Chadster, courtesy of AEW Rampage. Its slapdash wrestling and WWE-despising antics are wearing thin. The Chadster sees past all of this, though, and knows true wrestling gold when he sees it – and it's not in AEW 🚫🎣. Come on Tony Khan, show The Chadster you truly care about the wrestling business! Make us proud, or better yet, show The Chadster that you finally understand wrestling and stop being so obsessed with him! 🙏

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