Alton Brown, Hand Washing & The "Cutthroat Kitchen" Host's Dark Side His Fans Don't Want You to See [VIDEO]

One of the hundreds of "worst things" about the coronavirus pandemic? We're going to have the phrase "social distancing" in our lives a lot longer than any of us wants it to be. A silver lining? People are finally going to learn how to wash their hands – thanks in large part to some truly fantastic hand-washing memes as well as famous faces offering fun takes on how to keep our paws clean. One of those? Food Network's Alton Brown, the network's "food professor," genius behind Good Eats, and ringmaster on Cutthroat Kitchen.

Alton Brown, Hand Washing & The "Cutthroat Kitchen" Host's Dark Side His Fans Don't Want You to See [VIDEO]
Alton Brown

So it only makes sense that the man who can turn toasting bread into a twisted adventure would offer his two cents on the hand-scrubbing trend – so here it is!

Except… do us a favor? Make sure to pay attention to the entire clip – especially the end:

You noticed it, too… right? How the video just kinda' "ended" abruptly?

What if we told you that the video didn't technically end there?

What if we told you there was a brutally different take on that video?

That's right… before the "clean" version? There was… "The Cleaver Edition"!

You really want to know the only "guarantee" to safe-n-friendly, Coronavirus-free hands?

Let Alton "Michael Myers" Brown walk you through the quick two-step process – where all you need is a meat cleaver, a dishwasher… and probably a tourniquet (though tying 'em off could be a problem):

Alton Brown
Alton Brown
Alton Brown
Alton Brown
Alton Brown
Alton Brown
Alton Brown, Hand Washing & The "Cutthroat Kitchen" Host's Dark Side His Fans Don't Want You to See [VIDEO]
Alton Brown

Alas, there are just some things even Brown can't avoid – and that includes the judgemental finger-pointing that is social media. As you'll see in the following series of tweets, Brown did try to make his case and "fight the good fight" – but like the old Bob Newhart comedy sketch where we only hear one side of a phone call?

It's the way the tone changes until Brown finally announces he's pulling the video that has us not even wanting to imagine what went on in his online life during those "in-between-tweets" time

About Ray Flook

Serving as Television Editor since 2018, Ray began five years earlier as a contributing writer/photographer before being brought onto the core BC team in 2017.