Jersey Shore Family Vacation Season 5 Episode 9: Why, Lauren? Why?

Greetings, comrades! It is I, your El Presidente, and with all of the conflict going on in the world, what's one more happening in "international waters?" This week's episode of MTV's Jersey Shore: Family Vacation begs the question: who did Lauren piss off on the production crew to get such an unflattering edit this season?

Jersey Shore Family Vacation Season 5 Episode 9: Why, Lauren, Why?
Jersey Shore: Family Vacation screencap

The first half of Jersey Shore: Family Vacation Season 5 Episode 9 "Happy Birthday, Vinny!" followed the previous episode's story, with Deena planning and executing a "prank" on the roommates by hiring a murder mystery theater troupe to stage a murder at the Florida Keys resort. Deena allowed things to escalate for the first few minutes of the episode before revealing her plan to the group. This didn't go over well with Lauren, who insisted the prank took things too far even as the rest of the roommates admitted it was dark but a good prank. Deena fired back, calling Lauren a hypocrite. It was clear from the reactions of other cast members that Deena isn't the only one to feel some resentment toward Lauren, following up on last week's episode that saw Lauren snap her fingers at a waiter and later berate the other cast members because she wanted to go to sleep.

Ultimately, comrades, The Situation was the one to solve the murder mystery, though the real mystery is what happened to cause this sudden change in how Lauren is presented on the show. It's well-known that a big part of how people come off on Jersey Shore, and reality television in general, depends on their "edit" — the way scenes and confessionals are cut and spliced together to present a narrative. Cast members that get along well with the crew will generally find themselves presented more sympathetically. The opposite is happening with Lauren right now, and I can't get enough of it. Haw haw haw haw!

The second half of this week's Jersey Shore: Family Vacation, and the part the episode's title refers to, dealt with The Situation planning a party for himself to celebrate the end of his parole. This caused friction with Vinny, who pointed out Mike is constantly getting parties, including two so far this season — one for his "soberversary" and one for his second baptism, "the Blessification," while Vinny's birthday is fast approaching and he's never had a party on this show or the OG Jersey Shore. Comrades, I have ordered my guards to binge-watch the entire run of the show in order to fact-check this claim.

Anyway, as this week's episode of Jersey Shore: Family Vacation ended, Vinny was cheering on an approaching thunderstorm that threatened to ruin the event for Mike. This episode had its funny moments, as the show leans more on the strength of its characters than the drama, which is in short supply since Ronnie's forced hiatus. I do enjoy this new casting of Lauren as the villain though, which should lead to some juicy blowups in the future. Until next time, my friends: socialism or death!

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About El Presidente

After a successful fourteen-year career as a South American dictator, El Presidente faked his own death in 2013 in order to pursue his two true passions: rigging American elections for Joe Biden, and wrestling dirt sheet reporting. Since opportunities to rig the election for Joe Biden were few and far between until recently, El Presidente mostly focused on the wrestling dirt sheet reporting, where he became one of the best in the business. Unfortunately, the American CIA sabotaged his 1-900 hotline, the pinnacle of his country's wrestling news technology, and imperialist hacks like Meltzer, Johnson, Sapp, and Satin took all the credit on their stupid websites. Finally, El Presidente has found a way to break into the American market by becoming a Bleeding Cool contributor, so get ready for the spread of great wrestling news and socialism, comrades!
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