Posted in: AEW, Sports, TV | Tagged: AEW Dynamite, recaps, wrestling

AEW Dynamite: Summer Blockbuster Review: Forbidden Door Opens

El Presidente reviews AEW Dynamite: Summer Blockbuster, where Mark Briscoe announced a steel cage war at Forbidden Door and Swerve Strickland advanced!

Greetings, comrades! It is I, your El Presidente, reporting to you live from my underground bunker's home theater (the CIA tried to poison my yacht's projection system with a weaponized screensaver, so I had to relocate), and what a glorious night of wrestling we witnessed! AEW Dynamite: Summer Blockbuster delivered exactly what its name promised – a blockbuster evening of professional wrestling action that has set the stage for Forbidden Door in spectacular fashion!

Chris Jericho Returns to Brawl With Tommaso Ciampa

AEW Dynamite: Summer Blockbuster opened with Tommaso Ciampa once again trying to bully poor Tony Schiavone into admitting that Ciampa is better than Chris Jericho. Comrades, this reminded me of the time the CIA tried to make me admit that capitalism was superior to socialism by threatening to cancel my Netflix subscription – it did not work then, and it did not work for Ciampa tonight! Schiavone refused, showing the courage of the proletariat standing up to the oppressor!

But then, Jericho's music hit, and the Learning Tree himself returned to Dynamite! Jericho immediately began calling Ciampa "Tommy," which is the kind of psychological warfare I have only seen employed by Saddam Hussein during our weekly poker games in the early 2000s. The crowd chanted "Tommy's Mommy," proving once again that wrestling fans are the most cultured members of society! The two brawled, with security barely able to separate them. This feud is hotter than the time I accidentally set fire to my presidential palace while trying to deep-fry a turkey with Nicolas Maduro and Guy Fieri!

Jon Moxley Retains the Continental Championship, But Shane Taylor Promotions Gets Revenge

The AEW Continental Championship match between Jon Moxley and Shane Taylor was exactly the kind of violent spectacle that I appreciate! Moxley, fighting in front of his Cincinnati-area hometown crowd, defended his title under Continental Rules, meaning no interference from either the Death Riders or Shane Taylor Promotions. This is what I call pure workers' competition, comrades – just two men settling their differences through regulated violence, like when I challenged Evo Morales to a boxing match over the last empanada at a summit buffet!

Taylor used his size advantage to dominate early, putting Moxley through the timekeeper's table in a display that reminded me of my own destruction of CIA surveillance equipment (though I use rockets instead of suplexes). But Moxley, being the champion of the people that he is, fought back with strikes, eye gouges, bites, and eventually locked in the Bulldog Choke for the submission victory. Esteban squeaked approvingly from his solid gold capybara bed!

But the real story happened after the match! Taylor attacked Moxley, and Carlie Bravo brought him a belt to whip the champion with! Daniel Garcia tried to make the save but was overwhelmed by The Infantry, and Marina Shafir had her knee attacked by Trish Adora with a kendo stick. Shane Taylor Promotions stood tall over the Death Riders, proving that sometimes the bourgeoisie gets a temporary victory over the revolutionary forces. But fear not, comrades – Moxley challenged STP to a five-on-five street fight on Collision: Summer Blockbuster this Saturday, and I expect glorious retribution!

Darby Allin Returns for Revenge on Kevin Knight

Speaking of revenge, Darby Allin made his return to AEW Dynamite: Summer Blockbuster tonight! That capitalist pig Don Callis introduced TNT Champion Kevin Knight as the newest member of the Don Callis Family, and Knight proceeded to run down Cincinnati, Darby, and Mike Bailey. This reminded me of the time I had to listen to a CIA operative give a PowerPoint presentation about why I should surrender – it was boring, insulting, and ultimately ended with violence!

Darby snuck into the ring and blasted Knight with his skateboard, which is the same tactical approach I used when dealing with a coup attempt in 2017 (though I used a decorative vase instead of a skateboard, and Jack Black was there for some reason). Darby told Knight he hoped New York was worth it, referencing Knight's decision to join the Callis Family instead of staying loyal to his partner Bailey. The Don Callis Family ran out before Darby could hit a Coffin Drop, but the message was clear – this feud is far from over!

Mark Briscoe Defeats PAC and Announces a Steel Cage War at Forbidden Door

Mark Briscoe faced PAC in a hard-hitting contest that showcased the best of both competitors. PAC hit a brainbuster through a chair on the floor, which made even Esteban wince, and he once watched me negotiate a trade deal with Alexander Lukashenko while we were both suffering from food poisoning! Briscoe fought back with his Redneck Kung Fu and hit a running Blockbuster from the apron that defied the laws of physics and probably several international treaties.

The finish saw PAC attempt a Shooting Star Press, but Briscoe got his knees up and then hit the Jay Driller for the victory! This was a tribute to his late brother Jay Briscoe, and even this hardened dictator felt a tear forming. But I held it back, because crying is what the CIA wants!

After the match, Briscoe called out AEW World Champion MJF, who appeared in the crowd and refused to give him a title match. The Lethal Twist attacked Briscoe, but Roderick Strong, Kyle O'Reilly, Tomohiro Ishii, and Orange Cassidy made the save. Briscoe then revealed that Tony Khan had approved a six-on-six steel cage match at Forbidden Door – Team Briscoe vs. Team MJF! If Briscoe's team wins, he gets an AEW World Title shot!

Comrades, this is magnificent! A steel cage match with high stakes is exactly what professional wrestling should be! It reminds me of the time I was trapped in an actual cage match with three CIA operatives and a confused Pete Rose who thought he was attending a celebrity baseball game. I won that encounter through superior tactics and a well-placed folding chair, and I expect Briscoe to employ similar strategies at Forbidden Door!

Orange Cassidy vs. Andrade El Ídolo: A Battle of Styles and Pants

Orange Cassidy faced Andrade El Ídolo in their first-ever singles match on AEW Dynamite: Summer Blockbuster, and it was everything I hoped for! The match featured Cassidy's trademark comedy, including Andrade removing his pants and Cassidy revealing he was wearing backup jeans underneath! This level of preparation reminds me of my own contingency planning – I always wear three layers of presidential sashes in case the CIA tries to steal one!

Lio Rush appeared at ringside taking selfies with both competitors, which confused everyone including the commentators and probably Rush himself. But the match itself was excellent, with Cassidy hitting multiple DDTs and nearly winning several times. However, Andrade countered the Orange Punch with a discus back elbow and hit The DM for the victory!

After the match, Andrade grabbed the microphone and began to ask Ohio a question. The crowd, knowing exactly what was coming, chanted "WHERE'S MY TITLE SHOT?" before Andrade could even finish! This is the kind of crowd participation that makes professional wrestling beautiful, comrades – the workers and the audience uniting in common purpose, like when I organized a sing-along of revolutionary songs with Bernie Sanders and Danny DeVito at a charity event!

Maya World Upsets Skye Blue in an Emotional Owen Cup Match

One of the most touching moments on AEW Dynamite: Summer Blockbuster came in the Owen Hart Foundation Women's Tournament Quarterfinal. Originally scheduled to be Skye Blue vs. Sareee, the match became Blue vs. Maya World after Sareee was not medically cleared. Renee Paquette noted that World was competing after losing her younger brother this past week, which is the kind of tragedy that transcends wrestling, politics, and even my ongoing war with the CIA.

World showed incredible heart, surviving Blue's aggressive offense including a high-angle Liger Bomb and a fireman's carry cutter. When Blue went for Code Blue, World dropped down and rolled her into a jackknife pin for the shocking upset victory! Comrades, this is what we call triumph in the face of adversity! It reminds me of the time I had to give a four-hour speech immediately after Muammar Gaddafi "accidentally" replaced my coffee with expired goat milk – I persevered, and so did Maya World!

World now advances to face ROH Women's World Champion Athena in the semifinals, and I expect another emotional and hard-fought battle!

Swerve Strickland Advances to the Owen Cup Finals Through Controversy

The main event of AEW Dynamite: Summer Blockbuster featured Swerve Strickland vs. Brody King in the Owen Hart Foundation Men's Tournament Semifinal, and comrades, this was a war! King came in motivated to avenge his House of Black stablemate Bandido, whom Swerve had attacked and knocked out of the tournament. This is the kind of loyalty I admire – like when Bashar al-Assad helped me hide from UN inspectors in 2016 by letting me disguise myself as a potted plant in his palace lobby!

King dominated early, throwing Swerve into the ring post and hitting a cannonball off the ramp that looked like it should have ended the match immediately. But Prince Nana interfered at key moments, slowing King's momentum. Swerve exposed a turnbuckle and sent King into it, busting the big man open. Swerve hit multiple House Calls, but King kept surviving like a true warrior!

King nearly won with a cannonball and piledriver, but when he went for the Gonzo Bomb, Nana struck! With the referee out of position, Nana hit King with the ring bell, allowing Swerve to hit the Vertebreaker for the victory. This is classic heel tactics, comrades – win by any means necessary! I employ similar strategies when dealing with election observers, though I use more subtle methods like "miscounting" votes and declaring victory before polls close!

Swerve now advances to face Will Ospreay at Forbidden Door in the Owen Cup Finals, and MJF was shown watching backstage, keeping an eye on a potential future challenger. This tournament has been magnificent, and the final will surely be a five-star classic!

Kevin Knight Joins Team MJF for Forbidden Door

In a backstage segment, MJF met with Don Callis and the Don Callis Family to recruit members for his team in the six-on-six steel cage match against Team Briscoe at Forbidden Door. Kyle Fletcher initially got confrontational, but Callis calmed him down like a good manager of the bourgeoisie! MJF produced a briefcase full of money, proving once again that capitalism corrupts everything it touches!

Kevin Knight stepped forward and agreed to join Team MJF in exchange for an AEW World Title shot after the cage match. MJF agreed but stipulated there would be no rematch if Knight loses. They shook hands in a deal that reminded me of the time I sold my vote at the UN Security Council to Vladimir Putin in exchange for a lifetime supply of premium vodka and a trained bear named Boris!

Andrade again pressed Callis about his own promised title shot, and Callis assured him it would happen. But comrades, Andrade is clearly not happy about being pushed down the priority list behind Knight. Tensions are brewing within the Don Callis Family, and I predict an eventual workers' revolution against the capitalist management structure!

Final Thoughts on AEW Dynamite: Summer Blockbuster

Comrades, AEW Dynamite: Summer Blockbuster lived up to its name! The show built perfectly toward Forbidden Door with major announcements, tournament advancement, and the kind of violent action that makes professional wrestling the greatest form of entertainment ever created (besides my own presidential addresses, naturally).

We now have a loaded Forbidden Door card featuring:
– Team Briscoe vs. Team MJF in a six-on-six steel cage match with Mark Briscoe's title shot on the line
– Swerve Strickland vs. Will Ospreay in the Owen Hart Foundation Men's Tournament Final
– Zack Sabre Jr. vs. Kenny Omega

Plus, Collision: Summer Blockbuster this Saturday will feature the Death Riders vs. Shane Taylor Promotions five-on-five street fight and Omega vs. Bad Dude Tito!

Esteban and I thoroughly enjoyed tonight's AEW Dynamite: Summer Blockbuster from the comfort of my bunker theater, snacking on caviar and plotting the downfall of imperialism. I encourage all of you to tune in to Collision this Saturday and Forbidden Door on June 28th for what promises to be glorious professional wrestling action!

¡Viva la revolución! ¡Viva AEW!

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