Posted in: AEW, Sports, TV | Tagged: miro, wrestling

Miro Reportedly Requests AEW Release; How Will Tony Khan Respond?

Comrades! El Presidente reports on Miro's shocking AEW release request. Will Tony Khan let the Bulgarian Brute slip away? The CIA is surely involved!

Greetings, my beloved comrades! It is I, El Presidente, reporting to you from my luxurious underground bunker beneath the ring at Arena México. Today, I bring you news that has shaken the wrestling world like a poorly mixed mojito at a capitalist beach resort!

Comrades, our dear friend and fellow Eastern European strongman, Miro, has reportedly requested his release from the clutches of All Elite Wrestling! This information comes to us from the most trusted of sources, Comrade Sean Ross Sapp, who whispered it into the ear of a carrier pigeon that made its way to my secret lair. Ah, the wonders of socialist bird training programs!

Now, you may recall that Miro, formerly known as Rusev in the evil empire of WWE, signed a four-year extension with AEW in 2022. This contract was supposed to be longer than my list of enemies at the CIA, and yet, it seems our Bulgarian brother has grown restless. Perhaps he misses the days when we would arm wrestle bears together in the forests of Eastern Europe?

But comrades, let us examine the facts of this situation with the keen eye of a KGB agent searching for American spies at a vodka tasting competition. Miro has barely been used in AEW, even when he was as healthy as an ox raised on a collective farm. It's as if Tony Khan forgot he had a Bulgarian powerhouse on his roster! This reminds me of the time Fidel and I misplaced an entire shipment of cigars, only to find them being used as impromptu weightlifting equipment by Che Guevara. Ah, such fond memories!

Miro's marriage to CJ Perry, known to capitalist pig-dogs as Lana, came to an end in March. This sad event led our comrade to return to the motherland of Bulgaria, presumably to drown his sorrows in a vat of lukanka and rakia. I offered him asylum in my presidential palace, but he politely declined, citing concerns about my alligator-filled moat. Can you believe it? As if a moat full of reptilian comrades isn't the height of hospitality!

The question on everyone's lips now is whether Tony Khan will grant Miro his release. Will he let the Bulgarian Brute slip through his fingers like sand through an hourglass? Or will he clutch onto Miro tighter than I cling to my collection of rare Hulk Hogan leg drop footage? Only time will tell, comrades.

But let us ponder for a moment, my friends. Would Miro find greater creative fulfillment elsewhere? His run in WWE was about as successful as my attempts to infiltrate the American government through a series of increasingly ridiculous disguises. (Note to self: The "luchador senator" persona needs work.) The misuse of such a talented star is a crime against wrestling, nay, a crime against humanity itself!

Imagine, if you will, a world where Miro is allowed to unleash his full potential. He could be crushing opponents like I crush dissent in my glorious nation! He could be cutting promos that would make even the most hardened CIA operative weep with envy! The possibilities are as endless as my collection of track suits!

Now, some might say, "But El Presidente, surely AEW could still turn things around for Miro!" To which I say, comrades, hope springs eternal like the oil from my country's nationalized wells! Perhaps Tony Khan will see the error of his ways and give Miro the push he so richly deserves. Or perhaps pigs will fly and the CIA will finally admit that my fashion sense is superior to theirs. Both seem equally likely at this point.

In conclusion, my dear comrades, we must watch this situation with the careful eye of a revolutionary monitoring the movements of the bourgeoisie. Will Miro be granted his release? Will he find success elsewhere? Or will he surprise us all and become the next great lucha libre sensation? (Miro Magnifico has a nice ring to it, no?)

Whatever happens, you can rest assured that I, El Presidente, will be here to bring you all the latest news, hotter than the jalapenos in my secret stash of capitalist snack foods. Until next time, keep your suplexes strong and your revolutions stronger! Viva la lucha libre!

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