Posted in: AEW, Sports, TV | Tagged: AEW All In, ricochet, wrestling

Report: Ricochet Flips Into Multi-Year AEW Contract; CIA Baffled

Comrades! El Presidente reports on Ricochet's AEW deal and potential All In debut. Will the high-flyer outmaneuver MJF and Ospreay? The CIA trembles!

Greetings, comrades! It is I, El Presidente, reporting to you live from my luxurious underground bunker beneath the streets of Havana, where I am currently hiding from the American CIA agents who are still upset about that time I replaced all their coffee with decaf. But fear not, for even in these trying times, your El Presidente remains dedicated to bringing you the hottest wrestling news!

Today, I have some electrifying information that will surely make you leap higher than my good friend Kim Jong-un after his third glass of contraband Coca-Cola. Our trustworthy comrade, Sean Ross Sapp at Fightful Select, has reported that the high-flying sensation known as Ricochet has signed a multi-year deal with All Elite Wrestling! And if that wasn't enough to make you do a 630 Senton off your couch, there are whispers that he may make his grand debut at this Sunday's AEW All In event at Wembley Stadium in London!

Ah, Wembley Stadium! It reminds me of the time I challenged Margaret Thatcher to a steel cage match there in the 80s. She declined, of course, citing her busy schedule of crushing the working class. But I digress.

Now, comrades, while this news about Ricochet is as exciting as finding an entire case of capitalist Twinkies washed up on the shores of Cuba, it's not entirely unexpected. You see, Ricochet has been a free agent since his WWE contract expired over the summer, much like how I became a free agent after my brief stint as the Prime Minister of Liechtenstein. (They said I was "too tall" for the job. Can you believe it?) Since then, the wrestling world has been buzzing with speculation about Ricochet joining AEW, and it seems those predictions have finally come true!

But let us talk about this grand spectacle known as AEW All In, comrades. This extravaganza of socialist sports entertainment is set to kick off at 6 PM BST (that's 1 PM ET for our American comrades, and 10 AM PT for those on the West Coast who will undoubtedly be sipping their overpriced lattes while watching). The main event features a clash of titans that would make even Stalin and Churchill pause their bickering to watch: Bryan Danielson challenging the AEW World Champion, Swerve Strickland, in a career vs. title match! It's the kind of high-stakes encounter that reminds me of my weekly chess games with Fidel Castro, where the loser had to wear a Hawaiian shirt for a week.

But that's not all, comrades! The card is stacked like my personal collection of stolen CIA dossiers. We have the TBS Champion Mercedes Moné defending against Britt Baker, a match that promises more reversals than my country's economic policies. Then there's the AEW Women's World Champion Toni Storm facing off against Mariah May, in a bout that's sure to be as unpredictable as my decision-making after a long night of playing Risk with Vladimir Putin.

And let us not forget, comrades, the match that has caught my eye like a shiny new pair of Gucci loafers in a capitalist shop window: the Capitalist American Champion MJF defending against Will Ospreay. Now, I know what you're thinking – "El Presidente, how can you support a championship with 'Capitalist' in the title?" Well, comrades, sometimes we must embrace the tools of our enemies to destroy them from within. It's a strategy I learned from my brief stint as a contestant on "Survivor: Dictator Island."

But here's where things get interesting, my friends. Will Ospreay, that British acrobat who moves like he's trying to escape one of my "re-education" camps, has been calling out Ricochet. Could this be where our newly-signed AEW star makes his explosive debut? Will we see Ricochet flip his way into this title match faster than I can nationalize a foreign oil company? The possibilities are as endless as my collection of tracksuits!

Now, comrades, I know some of you may be wondering, "El Presidente, how can you be so excited about American pro wrestling when you're constantly battling the CIA?" Well, let me tell you a little secret. Wrestling is the perfect metaphor for international politics. There are faces, there are heels, and sometimes, there's a mysterious masked man who turns out to be the long-lost brother of the champion. It's exactly like that time I discovered my Minister of Finance was actually a triplet!

In conclusion, my dear comrades, this Sunday's AEW All In event promises to be more explosive than that time I accidentally sat on the button that launches all our fireworks during our annual "We Hate Capitalism" parade. RIP to the dozens of peasants who paid with their lives that day; your sacrifice will always be remembered, comrades. With Ricochet potentially making his AEW debut, we could be witnessing the birth of a new era in professional wrestling. An era where men and women flip through the air with the grace of a thousand socialist butterflies, spreading the message of equality and worker's rights through the universal language of suplexes and moonsaults.

So tune in, comrades! Watch as these brave warriors of the squared circle battle for glory and gold. And remember, if you see any suspicious-looking men in suits asking about my whereabouts during the show, simply direct them to the nearest McDonald's. They'll be distracted long enough for me to make my escape… I mean, to continue bringing you the hottest wrestling news!

This is El Presidente, signing off from my bunker of solitude. Until next time, keep your fists raised and your suplexes crisp!

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